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Etiquette Question: Wedding Gifts

jpeoplesgjpeoplesg
First Comment
in Wedding Etiquette Forum
I attended a wedding today and I am now concerned that the gift I gave was not appropriate for the setting.  I am wondering now if it would be appropriate to mail an additional gift; or if that would just draw more attention to the fact the my gift was too small initially?

Here's the details:
The couple getting married are friends of my boyfriends who I have met only a handlful of times, but I really like.  He is pretty good friends with the groom.  We were not initially invited to the wedding but my boyfriend received an email a week prior to the wedding asking if we wanted to go.  They had a slot opened because someone could not make it.  We were really happy to get an invite!  My boyfriend is not one to even one to think of getting a gift; so I got them a gift card for $50.00 for the two of us.  Im wishing now I had spent AT LEAST a $100.00.  I just bought a house so money is a little tight for me....  but Im not totally broke.   

The wedding was by far the nicest I have ever been to with an open bar.  It would not surprise me if they spent $50,000 on this wedding.  We did not have to travel for the wedding but did need to pay parking fees of $45.00.  I feel rather embarrassed by the gift we gave.  Typically at weddings I do give more because I give half my gift at the bridal shower and half at the wedding itself.  Would it be ok to send an additional gift.... or should I just get over it?
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Re: Etiquette Question: Wedding Gifts

  • Summer2011BrideSummer2011Bride member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its Combo Breaker First Comment
    If someone B-listed me and called me a week beforehand to invite me, I probably would not attend, much less get a gift. It was generous that you went and gave a gift at all; what they did was horrendously rude. I would definitely not send an additional gift.


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  • AdeleDazeemAdeleDazeem member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its Name Dropper First Comment
    edited August 2012
    You gave what you gave.  Your gift should have nothing to do with how nice or extravagant the wedding is. 

    Anyone who plans an event with the idea that they will "make the money back" in gifts is a delusional mess. 

    Forget the "cover your plate" idea and forget this whole situation.  You did nothing wrong.

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  • achiduckachiduck member
    5 Love Its First Comment
    You were B-listed which is incredibly rude on the part of the bride and groom. Even getting them some kind of gift was generous of you as far as I'm concerned. Don't sweat it.
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  • jessicabessicajessicabessica member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its Name Dropper Combo Breaker
    $45 to park???  Putting that aside, I think $50 was plenty generous.  I generally give based on how close I am to the couple, and that sounds appropriate for your relationship with them.
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  • MyUserName1MyUserName1 member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Comment
    Your gift sounds plenty generous, and if the B&G don't agree, then they're the ones with a problem.
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  • jpeoplesgjpeoplesg
    First Comment
    Thanks guys!  I feel better!  We really didnt see it as rude.  They are fantastic people but their guestlist got way out of hand! 
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  • jpeoplesgjpeoplesg
    First Comment
    If I had a little more time....  I just wish I could have come up with a better gift!
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  • staraelstarael member
    First Comment
    I cannot believe they had you pay $45 for parking, on top of being invited off the B List through an email. Wow. It was nice of you to give what you did, so don't sweat giving them anything else.
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  • pinkprincess1952pinkprincess1952
    First Comment First Anniversary
    Its the thought that counts
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  • wrigleyvillewrigleyville member
    First Anniversary First Comment 5 Love Its First Answer
    I think $50 is perfectly fine, especially since you were invited at the last minute. It's not like you had two months to set aside money for a gift. 

    Andplusalso, you had to pay $45 to park. I'm still boggling at that.
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  • nextrightthingnextrightthing member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its Name Dropper First Comment
    I agree with the other posters.  I also think if they went all out on an expensive 50,000 wedding, they should have shelled out some cash for parking, or at least gotten a deal for guests.  Our venue charges 12 a car for valet, and we are trying to swing paying for our guests to valet, because I feel terrible asking people to pay to park to come to our wedding.  And 45 bucks is ridic!

    Also, your gift was more than fine.
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  • Avion22Avion22 member
    5 Love Its First Comment
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_etiquette-question-wedding-gifts?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:219a41c9-da89-4403-ba66-a2579dc30966Post:6a2aaad2-90b4-4bca-a7af-c168110fa0cd">Re: Etiquette Question: Wedding Gifts</a>:
    [QUOTE]Thanks guys!  I feel better!  We really didnt see it as rude.  They are fantastic people but their guestlist got way out of hand! 
    Posted by jpeoplesg[/QUOTE]<div>
    </div><div>Letting your guest list get that out of hand IS rude.  Plus, I think a $50 gift card is a perfectly acceptable gift for people who don't like you enough to have invited you the first time around.  

    </div>
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  • Cortney1982Cortney1982 member
    5 Love Its First Comment
    $45 for parking?  You got swindled!


    Your boyfriend was really good friends with the groom and he got B-listed and only made the cut a week out?  I wouldn't have gone to the wedding if I wasn't important enough to be properly invited along with the other guests.  Anywho, your $50 gift is WAY generous considering the friendship.  Just because somebody throws a fancy wedding does not mean they deserve more gifts.
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  • Ali092011Ali092011 member
    5 Love Its First Anniversary First Comment
    edited August 2012
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_etiquette-question-wedding-gifts?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:219a41c9-da89-4403-ba66-a2579dc30966Post:c6ef2533-074a-4822-b5c2-16f431946d2a">Re: Etiquette Question: Wedding Gifts</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Etiquette Question: Wedding Gifts : I might be in the minority here but I really do feel $50 is a very nice amount for a gift.
    Posted by edielaura[/QUOTE]

    ITA. Even without the other circumstances of being B-listed and having to pay an incredibly huge parking fee, $50 is very generous IMO.

    ETA: OP, think about all of the nice things someone could buy with a $50 gift card and you'll feel better (not that I think you should feel bad at all to begin with). For example, a $50 gift card to BBB would buy the blender I have on my registry, or a place setting of our casual dishes <em>plus</em> all of the cloth napkins we registered for. If they shop right, $50 will get them a long way!
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  • Calypso1977Calypso1977 member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Answer Combo Breaker
    was this wedding in vermont?  i grew up there, and i cant figure out wehre it would cost $45 to park, even in burlington.

    that aside, the gift you gave is fine.  you give what you can afford.  Joy2611 said it best.
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