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VENT FSIL LOONNGG

OFFOFF
1000 Comments
in African American Weddings
Ok so I'm not that fond of my FSIL. She's never done anything, there's just something about her that irks me. Whatever she lives in Switzerland I see her every other year no biggie. So her and her family were here in August. I was talking to her about taking her daughter our FG to the dress shop to look at dresses. When she drops the bomb oh we may not be able to come to the wedding! WTF?! So she says well we only come to the States every other year and we are here now. Uhhhhh...what does that have to do with your only sibling's wedding. She's like well money is tight and her husband wouldn't be able to come. First of all she has known about this wedding since last October. Second of all FI's parents would foot the bill to fly them here. Third she doesn't work so could come alone with the kids. So I say well why don't you come by yourself (her in laws live close she could leave the kids with them) and we'll pay for your plane ticket. So we left if at that. Well I just found out she is definitely not coming. Not coming to her baby brother's wedding. I can't believe it! Forget the fact I now don't have a FG or RB, his sister is actually taking a pass on our wedding. I know FI is devastated and I'm ticked this piece of fake Swisss cheese is being such a b*tch. All I know is even if she does change her mind and graces us with her presence I will never forget this and I will never speak to her again.
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Re: VENT FSIL LOONNGG

  • the catthe cat
    500 Comments
    edited December 2011
    When I first started reading, I was wondering if this was the Swiss cheese girl! LOL! You kilt me dead with that one. Anywho, I can understand your frustration. What's really going on with her? Does she maybe have some issues with your union - ebony and ivory? Do you and she have mutual feelings for one another - just irk each other? Neither of those should keep her from being there for her brother...especially with the children having such important roles. Hell, you were nice to include them in such a special way. I'm like you...me and her would be like oil and water from here on out. How could she play baby bro like that? Just a selfish piece of cheese. If not having her there would put a serious damper on the day for him, I'd call that holey moley up and give her a HUGE piece of my mind and tell her to either be there for her brother, or don't bother darkening my door frame. Has she too been breathing in the hater O2?
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  • OFFOFF
    1000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    cat you know I don't know if she has black issues. Russians and Swiss have negative feelings/stereotypes about Africans and I know some of her ideas are the same ie Africans come to Switzerland to sell drugs to their kids. Yeah. But I'm not sure if that is just ignorance or something deeper. All I know is that it's her only sibiling and she is coming up with pretty lame excuses. But on a good note this means that my dream of not having a wedding party and having a child free wedding are coming true!
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  • alfdallas21alfdallas21
    1000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    hold the phone! - she tells you in AUGUST that she's not gonna make it to her only brother's wedding even given the fact that you and FI (her brother) offered to pay their airfare; which I know would be a grip because it's an international flight?!...GTFOH, bish bye!!...she's being grimy ma fo'real!!! that is a huge disappointment for anyone let alone her children were going to be playing major roles in their uncle's wedding! man this is a hard one for me cuz I truly do like to keep the peace in the world but homegirl is DEAD WRONG and I am sooo sorry she has put you and FI in this situation...for the sake of your FI, I would not say anything "harmful" about his sister and her decision (right now) but the moment the wedding is over with, I would have to address it with her and her husband.so what are your alternatives for the FG and RB, have you thought about it or are you just too pissed to even consider replacements???
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  • MypasmitaMypasmita
    1000 Comments Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    wow! LOL @ Fake swisss cheese. I am sorry though! For your FI sake, have their parents trying talking to her? Has your FI tried to speak to her as well? Maybe she'd change her mind about coming if it comes from her own family but damn! This is her only brother! I can totally understand you still being mad at her even if she comes, but at least your FI will have his sister there. Hang in there girl!
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  • Deidra123Deidra123
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    I'm so sorry. Do you think that, if your FI speaks to her, she will come around?  Since you said it would bring him down not to have her there?  Maybe his parents can talk some sense into her, especially if you guys are going to pay? Maybe you could just tell her that it would really mean alot to your FI if she came and ask why she does not appear to want to come.  Maybe she will just come out with anything that may be bothering her, it can be discussed and any preconceived notions that may be in place (you mentioned that possibility) can be addressed?
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  • kimmy.korikimmy.kori
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Wow.I'm cracking up over the cheese jokes!!!But seriously...when I began reading this I automatically thought that she has other issues besides "we only come to the States every other year." To pass up on a free trip to attend your only sibling's wedding....she's full of garbage. Cut your losses with the Cheese and KIM. Please don't let her ruin ANY of your plans.
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  • MrClintonsFirstLady09MrClintonsFirstLady09
    500 Comments
    edited December 2011
    OFF first of all I am so sorry you are going through this. I am with Cat on this when I too say I think it is something much deeper than the fact that she cannot afford to come to your wedding. I honestly think deep down she has an issue with you and FI's union. They absolutely do not like African Americans at all. And though she called herself being cordial with you on the outside for her brother, your "something about her" spirit let you know something was not right about her and her feelings for you were ill willed. I feel that she should have been honest from the beginning about the participation of her children in your wedding as well as her intentions of attendance. She has had ample time to speak on both of these situations. And while I too feel that was a very f'd up thing she did, you have to channel your energy on continuing on with planning your wedding. People are going to be who they are you cannot change it no matter how hard you try. I definitely would distant myself with her but for the sake of FI (because after all this is his sister), I would try to at least be the bigger person but I would be cordial at best. This is how you have to handle people like that. To stoop to her level would only let her know she got next to you. Your wedding day is about you and FI. And if no one showed but you, FI and the preacher, the day would still be a happy one because you married the man you love. I know you are angry and I would be too but girl take this one on the chin and keep moving forward. You can get around not having a FG and RB. And these roles are flexible because you can either replace them if possible or forego (sp) having them altogether. I pray that you feel better and God work this out in your favor. HTH and GL.
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  • miss2mrscjmiss2mrscj
    500 Comments
    edited December 2011
    LMBO @ Swiss cheese. I'm sorry this swiss chesse heffa is being a bish!!But on the real this heffa has some serious issues. I think she has an issue with you being a black woman. She has some nerve to tell you in August that she's not attending your wedding. I can't imagine how you FI feels right now! I agree with Alf don't say anything to him now but baaaaaby with the wedding is over it will be a show down!!! Good luck.
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  • OFFOFF
    1000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    I have def decided to hold my tongue. I'm not going to make the situation worse by telling him his sister is a whiny lil b*tch. I'm pretty sure his parents have already talked to her. FI is his mom's little boy and favorite kid and I'm sure she is none to happy with this. I don't know if FI has talked to her yet. I think I'm going to sit on this for a few weeks and then ask if he has talked to her and what the issue really is. For now I think I'm too hot to talk about it in a rational civil way. As for the RB and FG I really didn't want to have them in the wedding in the first place. They are cute as heck and great kids but I didn't want a bridal party and I'm really anti kid in general. But since I knew they were going to be there I decided to put them in as a nice gesture to FI's family. So we won't be replacing them unless I figure out a way to get my cats Matilda and Espn to walk down the aisle.
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  • MrClintonsFirstLady09MrClintonsFirstLady09
    500 Comments
    edited December 2011
    LOL @ putting the kitties in the wedding party. If you manage to get them to walk down that aisle without bolting in the other direction then hell I need you to bring them on to NC and put them in my wedding lol.
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  • OFFOFF
    1000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    I'd really like to believe it's not because I'm black. Everyone else in Alex's family has been super great even his baltimore relatives who are a lot less Americanized than his mom and dad. But then I think even his Russian friends who are still in Russia are coming. They've bought their plane tixs and everything. They know I'm black and tease him and say things like hey chocolate lover. I mean if they can be cool and hop a plane over here why can't she? I think a lot of it is she's not used to dealing with women who speak their mind and show their emotions. She's so reserved and my emotions wear on me like a tight sweater. I think that unnerves her. But heck if she has a problem wih me being black that is her problem. In the end Alex is marrying me and if she has a problem with me she is going to find herself on the outs of this family. If he has to choose she is going to find herself on the loosing end of this battle.
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  • the catthe cat
    500 Comments
    edited December 2011
    See? That's what I'm talkin' bout. She needs to recognize she'll be on the losing end. I'm so happy everyone else has accepted his choice in a life long partner. She'll look so bad if she stays away. If his friends can make it, she sure as hell can. For his sake, I hope she gets with the program. I'd hate for him to resent his own sister cuz she can't get over her ignorance. Give him an extra long hug!
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  • brobin01brobin01
    2500 Comments Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    Off- Wow! that is so selfish of her! I really hope she doesn't have any issues with you and FI relationship b/c if she does that is just so wrong of her! And so what if she does, she can still be there for her lil bro. Why did she bring her A$$ to the states in Aug! She could have saved that trip for the wedding! I don't like her and she is a beotch for this! Sorry, I just feel that way!
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  • OFFOFF
    1000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    brobin that was my question back in August. Why the heck are you here now if you know we're getting married in April 10? I think when they come back here in 2011 I will be sadly super busy with work and previous commitments to see them. What really makes me mad is that if the relationship between FI and his sis goes south it will effect his relationship with his neice and nephew (whom he is also the godfather). I think this will also strain her relationship with their mom. There was already talk of how they are not that close and this may add further problems. She doesn't realize that this decision will bite her in the butt down the road.
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  • PressMePressMe member
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Other than your FI's disappointment, it seems like you're the winner all the way around. You no longer have to deal with children at the wedding, you're down a few guests (less money), you don't have to see a person that you really don't like anyway, and you look like the bigger person. Tell her thank you and keep it moving!
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  • tamtam7tamtam7 member
    1000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    I wondered if it was a racial thing when I first read it too.  I'm so sorry to hear about this, whatever her reason is.  And I can't believe she used some lame a$$ excuse that she only comes to the states every other year and she's here now.  She should have planned her trip around your wedding date.  That's ridiculous to me!  I agree with alfdallas, I would try to keep the peace for your FI.  I just hate that she would do that to her only brother.  That's pretty fudged up.
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