No alcohol?

MissPetty1121 · October 2009

I am getting married March 13th and our venue does not allow alcohol. We are having an evening wedding with a DJ and dancing. I feel like people aren't going to have as much fun without alcohol! Has anyone ever had a wedding with no alcohol and people still dance?

ffmaid · October 2009

Why did you pick a venue that did not allow alcohol. UIt depends on your crowd. Are you a dry crowd? Do your friends and family drink at all? My friends and family view that a good party involves great food and drinks and would not consider it much of a party and thus not dance and not stay very long. Also many folks do not dance until they have had one to calm their dance jitters Can you change venues ?

MissPetty1121 · October 2009

I LOVE my venue and will not change. Its where me and FI grew up together. Most of my crowd is pretty dry but there are several of the more young groups that do enjoy drinking while at a party and they are the ones I am worried about. I really just wanted to see how others weddings went without alcohol. I have alot of little things planned to get everyone up and involed so I am hoping it will still be a blast.

ffmaid · October 2009

I have only been to 4 dry weddings. The evening ones have been beyond boring as nobody danced so everyone left right after. The only fun one was some friends who did a brunch wedding and served fancy coffee drinks like a barista. That crowd was fun and danced and enjoyed but then we were leaving before I realized that there had not been alcohol as it was morning. Wedding was at 8:30am-9 reception followed at 9.-noon

Leah&Christian09 · October 2009

You have to know your people. My people would stick around for dinner and start heading out pretty quickly after if there was no alcohol. They definately wouldn't dance. My people are really big on hosting your guests is more important than a pretty building. They would find this rude.

MissPetty1121 · October 2009

I know my group will be fine with it. I just wanted to hear about others dry weddings.

ffmaid · October 2009

"I feel like people aren't going to have as much fun without alcohol!" And " my group will be fine without it" are in direct disconnect as ideas.

I <3 Seabass · October 2009

I don't need alcohol to get me out on the dance floor but I know that I wouldn't be dancing all night long if I didn't have a drink (or two) to keep me going.

kschwedic · October 2009

My reception venue doesn't allow alcohol, either, but mainly because it is in a dry county. Luckily, most of the guests will be family and both sides (FI and mine) don't drink that much, so it shouldn't be a problem. We have already counted on the fact that many people probably won't dance, so we're just going to have the first dance, father/daughter, mother/son dance and if anyone else wants to continue dancing, then they have that option. FI and I aren't big on dancing, but we really wanted to have the first dance.

MissPetty1121 · October 2009

Yes we also arent very big on dancing but I think it will be fun having a DJ playing alot of fun dance music! Where also going to do a dance where all the married couples come up and dance and the DJ will slowly pick them off by how long they have been married and the couple that have been together the longest will share a dance with the newlyweds

Asheia · October 2009

They probably won't dance. We are going to have an after-party for the younger crowd. Maybe you could consider canceling the DJ and just have a dinner reception. Then, go to the after-party and dance there.

Lasairiona · October 2009

Why do people think they require alcohol to enjoy themselves? I've only been to a couple weddings out of many that actually had alcohol and everyone had a great time at the non-alcoholic receptions. In fact, the weddings I have attended with dancing didn't have alcohol, and with the exception of one that had bad music choices because the couple picked it out on their ipod literally the night before, practically everyone was on the dance floor. If the dj is good and knows what they're doing, people will dance. Alcohol is moot. So to the folks who say who say alcohol is a requirement, does that mean that people who are enjoying themselves to the fullest without a single drop are actually miserable out of their minds while they're boogeying harder than everyone else? If someone seriously cannot enjoy themselves without alcohol for 5-6 hrs (including the ceremony time), or even less for that matter, then they need to check into AA on their own time. You are never required or obligated to serve alcohol and it's highly rude and presumptuous to expect/demand it and then say they don't have a clue to enjoy themselves unless they are consuming it. People enjoy themselves without it every single day. It's not rocket science.

aerinpegadrak · October 2009

I did a bit of reading into the symbolism of alcohol and its uses in different cultures while I was researching our unity cocktail. One thing they brought up was that in cultures that have a difficult relationship with alcohol (like the US), it's generally associated with celebration; if you're drinking, there must be something to celebrate, and if you're celebrating, there must be something to drink. (This is why tourists visiting cultures where alcohol is more integrated, like France or Italy, are perceived as drunken partiers; there's wine with every meal, so we must be celebrating something, right?) Therefore, no alcohol = no celebration. That may not be how the individual's thought process works, but that's how our culture perceives things. Saying that someone is an alcoholic because they associate drinking with festivity is quite extreme.MissPetty, can you serve coffee and espresso? If you can't get 'em drunk, get 'em hyper.

Leah&Christian09 · October 2009

To suggest that someone should check into AA for wanting alcohol at a wedding is just ridiculous. Someone put it to me like this before: Of course, you don't NEED alcohol to have a party, sort of like you don't NEED matches to start a fire. But having a celebration in our culture without alcohol is a lot like trying to start a camp fire by rubbing two sticks together. Why would you do that? Ultimately, you have to cater to your guests. If you don't want to have alcohol, that's your decision. But you have to know what to expect with your guests. For most people in our culture, food, alcohol and a big party in the evening just go together. If you don't serve food or drinks, people will still come, but they are going to get bored or hungry and leave early. If you want them to stay all night and dance, the way to get that going is to open the bar. It's just part of our culture. You can call people alcoholics all you like, but it isn't going to change. How many dry clubs have you ever been to?

Lasairiona · October 2009

The difference is wanting vs "needing". Alcohol is nice to have if you can afford it. Alot of people can't and others don't want to serve it. That's fine and the couple should not be raked over the coals if they don't want to serve it for any reason and/or they aren't able to financially. The difference is a guest complaining that they can't have a good time for 4 hours without an alcoholic drink of any kind and saying they are bored without one. What happened to a guest graciously accepting the hosts' hospitality, whatever that may be, or do people not do that anymore because they're so focused on what they want and think they are entitled to? If someone only goes to a wedding for the free food and drink, they are going for the wrong reasons. The free food and drink should be the added bonus, not the main reason to attend. A number of people go beyond wanting alcohol to the point that they claim to "need" it to have a good time and say they will be miserably bored otherwise. Which implies that they don't care about the couple, or if they do, that's not the main reason why they're attending. Not everyone is that extreme obviously but those who aren't tend to be in the minority.

Leah&Christian09 · October 2009

What ever happened to hosting your guests to the best of your ability? This it's my day crap has taken over, and people seem to think that a wedding is an excuse to not properly host your guests. This is not a case where the couple can't afford it or has a moral issue with serving alcohol. She's made that quite clear. She chose a venue that didn't allow alcohol because she liked it. This is the exact same situation as couples with 2:00 catholic weddings forcing their guests to sit around and wait for a 6:00 reception because they liked the hall better, or those that try to squish 150 people into a hall that seats 100 because the hall was so pretty. When you decide to host guests, you decide to provide for them at the best of your ability. If you refuse to do that, you are a rude host. I never told her she had to serve alcohol and to not would be rude. No one did. What we have said and will always say is that you must be realistic about what you are asking out of your guests. If you want people to stay all evening and dance, you open the bar. If you want a 2-3 hour reception with mingling and background music, you don't need it.

2dBride · October 2009

"Hosting your guests to the best of your ability" does not necessarily involve alcohol. In fact, if you have a large number of guests who do not drink at a wedding, then spending money on alcohol instead of, say, upgrading the food actually takes away from the enjoyment of a significant segment of your guests.Sorry, but I just don't agree with the concept that in every situation, your guests will prefer free booze to anything else (nicer venue, better food, better music, or whatever) that you could do with the same money. And I say that as one who is in fact hosting an open bar.

MissPetty1121 · October 2009

Leah I am treating my guest just fine! I choose this venue for the biggest reason its what I could afford but it is nice that we grew up here. and I cant afford to have an open bar not everyone is that well off or has there parents pay for there weddings. If I could of had alcohol I would have had spiked punch and that was that! Thanks for all the input ladies!

Leah&Christian09 · October 2009

The host your guests to the best of your ability was in response to "guests should just happy to be invited and being happy with anything they get." That's a bad attitude IMO. I never said and don't think that alcohol is required at every wedding. What I did say and continue to say is that it is important to know your guests. In most groups, if you want them to stay late and dance all night, alcohol is part of the equation.

dsouldiva · October 2009

The answer to your original question is people will probably still have fun at your wedding but people may chose not to dance or not dance as much as they would were there alcohol there. I would personally opt for a band, musican or singer as opposed to a dj because you may get more interaction from your guests watching a performance. Also some genres of music lend themselves better to alcohol free situations (i.e. Jazz, Swing, big band more so than Disco) work out which music genre is going to work best for your guests.To the lady who thinks 'people who need alcohol at a Wedding should check into AA - get a grip!" Alcohol is a completely legitimate part of celebrations in most Western cultures and has been for thousands of years (read the bible!). If you want to cut alcohol for budget reasons or to suit your own beliefs fine, but don't insult others for wanting to celebrate in a traditional way.

dsouldiva · October 2009

and since your response to Leah was pretty snarky FYI it is spelt "their parents".

swans alive · October 2009

I went to an evening wedding without alcohol once, and to be honest, it wasn't as much fun. People left fairly quickly after dinner, and there really wasn't much dancing, even though the DJ tried to get everyone on the dance floor. With my family and friends, at least some alcohol is expected -- especially for a night wedding. No one "needs" it, but it does help loosen people up a bit to get on the dance floor. Be aware of the fact that some people will leave early, and other people will probably sneak in flasks and/or drink in the parking lot. Not saying it's classy, but it does happen. Make sure your food and (non-alcoholic) drinks are excellent and completely on point, and you'll probably have a better shot of getting guests to stay awhile.

TurtlesAllTheWayDown · October 2009

Some people (myself and my friends included) enjoy having something to hold onto and sip when mingling in a crowd of people, many of whom are strangers. Social lubricant. It's not unheard of.

AmyLaurel89 · October 2009

I think the key for your situation is to understand your crowd (and it seems like you do) and be understanding if you loose a few due to the lack of booze. Seriously, if they leave YOUR wedding because they can't drink just let them go, in general. P.S.- You are super sweet so ignore the jerks telling you mean stuff on here. My wedding will be dry. My mom refused to pay for any drinks since she is opposed to it religiously. I respect that and I'm not going to have it since I know it would bother her even if she doesn't pay for it.I'm planning a photo booth which is an added expense but will provide entertainment and an option to those too shy to dance. Plus it serves as the quest book and leaves my photographer more time for more important shots. Also I've attended a wedding WITH booze and it was boring since they didn't have music going at the right times and the MC sucked. They didn't seem to have an idea of any when they would do the first dance and cake cutting and all of that so it dragged on forever.

MissPetty1121 · October 2009

Thanks so much! I think it will be a blast without it!

SarahBerah · October 2009

I am not having alcohol at my wedding either because my father-in-law is a recovering alcoholic and its alot of money I can spend else where. That said, I think its sad people think they require a drink to have fun! Sober fun is more fun and no worries about the crazy drunks ruining the reception!

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