just added 2 extras, help?!?

jerseybar17 · October 2009

Two of my fiance's child relatives decided that they were going to boycott my wedding once they heard that it was on Halloween and that they were not in the wedding party. So, about 6 or 7 weeks before we are due to get married, my fiance decides to add them to MY wedding party. I had to find places for them. I made them both my trainbearers. Now they have to get dresses to match the bridal party, shoes to match the dresses, and of course, there's the added expense of gifts ( I got all of my girls a necklace, earrings, and a bracelet - among other things - to wear the day of) so it goes without saying that I should do the same for them so they match in the pictures. Of course, it is too late to add them to the ceremony programs, but everyone was okay with that. So, now, just 3 1/2 weeks before the wedding, my mother announces to me that what I have is a chapel train and it is not long enough to have 2 trainbearers, let alone even 1. Now I am stuck with an 8 year old and a 10 year old, both with dresses already paid for, and shoes, who think they are playing a part in this wedding, and I have no place to put them. Please Help!!

banana468 · October 2009

Huh? What on Earth is a trainbearer and why are they looking to get dresses and shoes to match the wedding party?If they're young and want to help then let them! Tell mom that it's perfectly fine if they feel like fluffing from both sides.

mbcdefg · October 2009

Well, your first mistake was letting your FI bulldoze you like that. Secondly, there was really no need to put them in matching dresses and shoes and jewelry. Whatever. Water under the bridge now. Just let them walk down the aisle and call it a day. They don't need to carry your train or have props or flowers or special titles.

emilykathleen511 · October 2009

//Two of my fiance's child relatives decided that they were going to boycott my wedding once they heard that it was on Halloween and that they were not in the wedding party. So, about 6 or 7 weeks before we are due to get married, my fiance decides to add them to MY wedding party. // Forgive me, maybe I am misunderstanding this, but since when is the wedding party YOURS? Isn't the wedding party those who are close to both you and your fiance? I'm a little confused. Plus, how do 8 and 10 year olds "boycott" a wedding, unless their parents were "in" on it? How did it come about that your fiance added them? Did the girls' parents find out about this supposed "boycott" (which sounds to me like something they came up with in the treehouse and decided to taunt you with, without really meaning to follow through) and set the record straight? I'm just really confused about this supposed drama. //I had to find places for them. I made them both my trainbearers. Now they have to get dresses to match the bridal party, shoes to match the dresses, and of course, there's the added expense of gifts ( I got all of my girls a necklace, earrings, and a bracelet - among other things - to wear the day of) so it goes without saying that I should do the same for them so they match in the pictures.// I think your wedding party is going to look a bit ridiculous. //Of course, it is too late to add them to the ceremony programs, but everyone was okay with that. So, now, just 3 1/2 weeks before the wedding, my mother announces to me that what I have is a chapel train and it is not long enough to have 2 trainbearers, let alone even 1. Now I am stuck with an 8 year old and a 10 year old, both with dresses already paid for, and shoes, who think they are playing a part in this wedding, and I have no place to put them. Please Help!!// Just let them be jr. bridesmaids, or hand out programs, or sing a song if they have sweet voices, or whatever. Stop stressin' so much. Wowwy.

KJDOHERTY · October 2009

Have them hand out programs. I've never seen kids carry a train down the aisle. I'm thinking you probably already have program hand-outers though, so if you must have them walk behind you in the aisle as pages like pp said. For the record, I'm a bit creeped out by the matchy-matchiness you're talking about. And your reference to "MY wedding party".

megk8oz · October 2009

I'm still trying to wrap my head around how 2 kids, ages 8 and 10 can boycott a wedding, no matter what date it falls on. Pretty much until I was old enough to have my own life (Which I gaurantee, I was older than 10), if my PARENTS wanted me to go somewhere, I WENT. And if I complained about it, I got grounded. If they didn't want to go for whatever their reasons, their parents either should have found baby-sitting arrangements or done some parenting and told the little darlings to suck it up. So I'm guessing that the parents were pulling the strings on getting FI to ask them to be in the WP. I'm assuming by "MY wedding party", you're referring to your side: the attendants you picked. I am also giving you the benefit of the doubt by assuming you refer to FI's attendants as "HIS wedding party" (If this is not the case, then you need to work on your "sharing" skills). Since they are his family, and he didn't consult you on adding them in, then HE needs to find a place for them on HIS side, not you. I normally don't go the route of splitting the sides in this matter (By dictating His and Hers sides), but it sounds like you guys are treating it like this with the other decisions, so again: this is now his problem, not yours.

TurtlesAllTheWayDown · October 2009

Wait, is the entire gift you are giving your wedding party jewelry for them to wear IN the wedding? Because if so, you need to get them something else too.

jerseybar17 · October 2009

Omg. People.. of course when i said My wedding party, i meant, my side, as in my attendants, referring to the bridal party, the MOH and the BM's, not the entire wedding party, which would also include my FI attendants and the fg, rb, and ushers. And i know that them saying they were going to boycott was just an excuse to try and get them to be in the wedding, but when i wanted to say "fine, then don't come" my FI said "well, it would be nice to have my only neice in my wedding", so, yes, HE should have found a place for her and the 8 year old and not made it my responsibility, but he has. it has fallen on my head, so now i am stuck with it. and no, jewelry to wear the day of is not the ONLY thing i am giving as gifts. actually, i probably spent close to $2,000 just on gifts for MY attendants (yes i emphasize MY here) - my FI hasn't even purchased the gifts for his guys yet. emilykathleen511 - i think your comment about my wedding party was a bit rude. i think it will look ridiculous if i just have these two girls walking down the aisle behind me, with no flowers, not doing anything. That's why i'm asking for help. and yes, the ushers will be passing out the programs. and i'm not sure that i even want the two girls to stand at the altar with the rest of the wedding party. it will throw things off balance. 6 girls and 4 guys? ridiculous.

peachkins · October 2009

I'd like to admit that I've also never heard of a trainbearer. I agree with the pp recommending that you just make them Jr. BMs. It sounds like you're going to be matching their attire to the rest of the BP, so why not just have them stand with the other girls? Instead of getting them full bouquets or whatever the other girls are using, you could do something simple, like a single flower for each of them. I'm sure it's frustrating that this is happening so close to your wedding, but if your FI has already agreed to have them in, and especially if they now have special attire to wear, I do think you should do something so as not to offend his family- although I do think their parents probably managed to talk your FI into it. If I was a kid I'd much rather be trick-or-treating on Halloween. FWIW, I don't think anyone will notice how uneven the sides are. People do weddings with uneven sides all the time. If you don't want the sides to look horribly different, you could consider standing the girls- who must be a lot shorter than the other BMs- next to the other girls instead of lining them up behind each other. It may give more of an illusion that the sides are even. Just a thought.

just added 2 extras, help?!?

Re: just added 2 extras, help?!?

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