POLL: are you changing your last name?

enteringparadise · October 2009

I am still not 100% certain on what I am going to do.I am thinking about changing my name, and how it will affect my job and my clients (outbound sales for a national company). I am also thinking about how not changing my name might have my fiance and/or his family view me. I thought about hyphenating my name and that seems like an option but it also seems like people who do that are making a statement. I would worry about not having the same name as my future children, and also not wanting to ever give a child a hyphenated name.

chitownshortie84 · October 2009

I will be changing my last name. I really do not understand how changing your name would affect your work.

brideinfall08 · October 2009

you could change it for everything but your job......i think that's pretty common for people in certain fields

ChicagoG&A09 · October 2009

I almost didn't change it professionally but did in the end. I was worried about all of my networking connections and clients. I kept my maiden name on linkedin where I am connected to most of those people and it turned out fine. There was a LOT of initial confusion but 9 months later it is starting to slow down! I am happy I did it. I can understand why certain professionals would not! Especially if you have been in the workforce for quite some time.

jess&lane52804 · October 2009

I'm changing mine, but I'll be doing it a few months after we're married. At the time of our marriage, I will have 1 semester left in school and it would just be too much hassle to change my email address and everything for just a few months.Socially, however I will use FI's last name.

beautifulnryan · October 2009

I feel ya...I'm kind of at a cross roads with that too. I want to be traditional, but at the same time it irks me. LOL.I know that for a few of my friends, they changed their last name on everything but career wise, they kept their maiden name. He really wants me to take his name, but I can't imagine not keeping my last name somehow. I thought about putting it as my middle name, but my middle name is my mom's maiden, and I'd hate to lose it too! SO....I am leaning towards legally hyphenating, but everyone else can just know me with his last name. As for our children, they will take his last name.

romagrrl · October 2009

No. I can't imagine ever changing my name.

kthame · October 2009

Yes, I'm changing mine.

January Bride · October 2009

No, I did not change my name. I always thought I would, but the closer I got to my wedding, the more I started to "mourn" my old name. I love my family and am really close to them, and I felt weird changing the name I'd carried with me for 27 years. I kept it. He was a little sad at first, but I think it was because he thought that meant I didn't want to be part of his family in a way. When I explained to him that I was wearing his wedding ring every day, and getting up in front of God and our family to say our marriage vows, I think he realized that THAT was what was really important. 9 months later and I am SO glad I kept my name. GL with your decision!

awed81 · October 2009

Although I think it is entirely personal, I can't imagine not changing my name. I enjoy the idea of sharing a common name with my future husband as a symbol of our familial bond. I think when women choose to cling to their old identity for social or professional reasons, it can come off as an uncompromising gesture towards the new life they have committed to with their husbands. And won't most people be able to figure out that you, as your new married name, is the same person they've been dealing with before? Especially if you send out an email giving them your new married-name email address post-wedding? Also, whether you plan on having children should be a consideration. Children like to feel a sense of unity, and not having a common family name could be an area of confusion or embarrassment for them. And as my FI once said, "Growing up, it was all the weird ladies that had the hyphenated names." Which is totally not right, but is how kids can perceive things! But, doing things one way or the other has no significance on the type of relationship you will have, so I guess I would examine the reasons you want to keep it and decide if in the long run, 20, 30 years down the line, they will still matter.

orienae · October 2009

I am not fulling changing my name, at least not at this time. It would be weird workwise where I get a lot of referals in the immigrant community (I'm an immigration attorney) and it could be confusing. So, at least for now I'm starting to hyphenate and I will see what I do legally as these things come up, as for now I haven't even got my license back yet, so I think I will have a while. The husband I think is just worried about confusion for future family, but most likely on a social level I will use his name. I agree with previous posts, it's just very odd to me to change your name after all of these years and for me it is something that is so culturally ingrained here and not something that is not necessarily world wide that I feel confident in either decision not being a reflection of how I feel about my new family.

Allison&Donnie · October 2009

Changing it for sure. Never even considered not changing it. We are going to be a family now, and I wouldnt want to have a different last name then my DH and children....

kenright16 · October 2009

I'm changing my name - I personally feel that it's an important part of marriage, as does my fiance. It will be difficult professionally, but I think it will be worth it in the long run. I'm sure there will be 6-9 months of confusion, but clients will catch on :-)

kellylynn2 · October 2009

I am changing my last name to his and changing my middle name to my maiden name. This way I have the best of both worlds! Good luck with you decision

jacki_sue · October 2009

I'm changing my name, but I don't have the professional that you do. Have you talked to your FI about it? If he has strong feelings one way or the other, it might help you decide what's best for everyone.J

Da0419 · October 2009

I'm not sure either. At first I was 100% against it because my fiance asked me 2 months after my grandmother died, and I wanted to keep her name (we were very close). But now, I have been thinking that I might want to change my name because it would be a symbol that my fiance and I are joining together to create our own family. I'm still not completely sure though.

jlklusken · October 2009

Only you can make the choice. I have kept my name (married in May) and am not the least bit upset that I did not change it. I discussed it with my husband prior to (and I mean a couple of years, we've been together 10 years) and he had no problem with it. Someone earlier mentioned that people who stick to their maiden names are afraid of losing their identity in the minds of others, I don't think that is it at all. Do what you want and what makes you happy, and if you're not sure, there's no rush.I may decide when I have children to change my name to have my husband's or perhaps add my maiden as a second middle name. A good friend of mine has her mother's maiden name as her middle name, something I am considering as well. I just think that it is unfair for the wife to give up her name and not get to pass it along, while the husband can. If you're not ready to make the decision when you get married, wait and see how things go, I feel no less connected and joined as a family with my husband by not having his name as others have implied you may.

cirrus319 · October 2009

I never considered not changing my name, however in the weeks leading up to the wedding it made me a little anxious and I did start to "mourn" my last name. I didn't think I would ever feel like that.However, I am happy that I changed it. Like pp's I personally like the unity and sense of family it gives. I am also not in a professional position where I have a lot vested in my maiden name. The whole situation has been an adjustment, but it also helps that my maiden name and married name both start with the same letter, so since my initials didn't change it has helped with my sense of identity.

andy71781 · October 2009

I'm changing mine - but mostly because I hate my last name - so hard to pronounce. Right now I'm trying to decide if I should keep my middle name as is or exchange the middle name with my last name. Andrea Lynn Wiltrout (current middle)Andrea Caron Wiltrout Any thoughts?

marcikabarec · October 2009

i will be changing my name. almost every woman does this, and although annoying, everyone will adjust to it. for the first few weeks with my new name, i will be hyphenating and adding *please not the name change* in my email signature at work.

jewishmilitarybride · October 2009

i think i am changing mine.

lmb5109 · October 2009

I was happy to change my last name. While I loved my maiden name (and it was only 5 letters), my new last name is beautiful and not many people have it (11 letter Italian name!) Also, it was fantastic to hear the pastor saying Mr & Mrs Lastname at the ceremony and I get the same rush every time I see a piece of mail or anything with Me & Him Lastname on it! Like Allison said, we are a family!

evaluna68 · October 2009

I'm not changing mine. My last name is part of my ethnic heritage (Ashkenazi mutt), and my husband's is part of his (200 years of Christian missionaries). I have the greatest respect for his family and their accomplishments, but well, I'm not taking 200 years of missionaries as part of my identity.

POLL: are you changing your last name?

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