Young and Engaged?

B2B2012 · October 2009

Hello, I am new to this site! My boyfriend and I have been talking about engagement for a while now and were 20 years old, (almost 21). We probably won't get engaged until we are atleast 21. I would like to have a long engagement of 2 years. So we would be married at 23. I am in univeristy right now to become an RN but I do have a part time job making good money at a nursing home and my boyfriend works full time (we won't be getting married until I am done school but we will be engaged when I'm in school). We have already been living together for over a year and have been together for 3 years. I know people are going to have their share of opinions for us and I am just looking for some advice on how to deal with them. We know for sure we want to spend our lives together, I'm just worried about what our families will say because we are close with them, and their opinion matters. His mom is very controlling and I think she will have the biggest issue. Thank you

TurtlesAllTheWayDown · October 2009

A lot of people get married right out of college. Do you have reasons for wanting a long engagement? An engagement basically announces you are planning a wedding, and you can do that in less than 2 years if you wish. You can start saving for the wedding before the formal engagement too.I think if you come to you FMIL with concrete plans like "I graduate on x date, we want to get married on x date, we already have x amount saved towards our budget" she'll see you are serious about it.

Elle1036 · October 2009

I think the long engagement is a really good idea, actually, and I think you should make that detail known to your families if they give you any crap.All you have to say is "Well, neither of us wants to be with anyone else, but we're not in a huge hurry either" and that pretty much sums it up.Who cares what your families say? Within two years, they'll come around.Good luck!

rcar1726 · October 2009

This is to funny I am a senior nursing student and got engaged in May! I turned 21 in June, and my FI is 22. Same situation, I work part time, and he works full time. Don't let anybody tell you to wait. If you think it is right, then it is. We have been together 4 1/2 years. We are having a 2 year engagement so I will be out of school a full year before we actually get married. Don't worry about what other people say...I am really close to my parents and my FI asked them before hand, and they have been so supportive and loving. Planning a wedding is such an amazing time, and you're young so it will be even more fun! Good luck :)Renee

kaynix21 · October 2009

I am 22. My FH and I have been together for about five and a half years. I have graduated college, and by the time we get married he'll be a college grad and 23, I'll be nearly 23. He's in the military so his career path is set...And we still got crap from my side of the family about how we're too young. It's actually pretty ridiculous the kind of reaction we've gotten from my family.My grandmother has been calling my dad and telling him how she's been trying to talk to me to get me to understand that I'm just too young, etc. He and my grandpa were married at 19 and 20.So in answer to your question, ignore what everyone says, as long as you're sure. If you want to have a long engagement, great! You're going to have to reassure people...but just remember the pressure you get from your family might be so pathetic you'll want to elope, which is what we nearly did.I think parents just have a hard time of letting go of their babies. His family was great, mine just didn't, and doesn't want to let me go.

AmandaO14 · October 2009

My FI and I were in the same sort of situation. I knew my parents were going to be the tricky ones to convince, so I started talking to my mom about my plans for my future when I was about 19. I told her that my then bf and I were very serious and were thinking about getting engaged in the near future. I just kept talking about it for 2 years, so she knew it was what I really wanted. Once I got my mom on board, I started talking to my dad about it about 6 months before I got engaged. When I did get engaged, I told them by email, so that they could have a chance to absorb the information and reply. I really didn't want to hear, "Oh are you sure?" over the phone. It worked out really well, they are now completely supportive of our decision and are paying for the wedding. Good luck! Just remember that they will still love you and will eventually come around.

Tony&Lindsey · October 2009

I was on the same page as you last year. We got engaged and I was 21, he was 22. He will have been engaged for 2 years by the time we get married next August. I will be 23, and have been living together for about a year. A lot of people have their opinions on getting engaged/married so young, but I think it is a blessing. If you know you have found the man you want to spend the rest of your life with...why not go for it. Why waste another minute? It's your life and if your family cant support you with your decision right away, they will get used to it

Prove them wrong

B2B2012 · October 2009

Thank you so much everyone for your advice and I'm glad that there are so many brides-to-be in similar situations.

I definately agree, why wait when you've found the one you want to spend the rest of your life with? And by the time we get married, we will have been together 6 years, I'd say that's hardly rushing it!

suz62984 · October 2009

I knew for sure that my fiance was the one when I first started dating him at 20. We have been dating for 4.5 years and living together for 3. There were good and bad times. When you are both younger you are still changing as a person. I think the long engagement is good. It gives you a chance to grow together while giving your family piece of mind that you are thinking it through.

TeamCampos08 · October 2009

hi im 18 and my fiance is 18 as well! we both will be done with shcool by April. me for paralegal and him for firefighter.... i do not regret getting engaged right our high school. honestly if you and him know that ya are ment to be together, then don't let anybody take that away from ya guys my mother, as well, is very controlling... but she was okay with it! My Fiance asked my mother and dad for their permission to ask me! so i guess that helped. But she surprised me with the excitment.... so who knows your mother may shock you as well CONGRATS AND I WISH YOU TWO THE BEST!

jenniemay24 · October 2009

I am 21 and I just got engaged as well. I am planning a 2 year engagement too! My reasoning for this (as everyone has their own) is because I want to enjoy my college years as well as wnjoy planning my wedding. While I understand there will be stress involved, it is working out very nicely that I do not have to jump into hardcore planning!

rufus889 · October 2009

I'm 19, about to turn 20 on the 20th, and my fiance just turned 21 in September...he graduated from school in May, and has a full time job...I'm still in school (to be a RN too :] ) and have a full time job at a hospital, but I didn't want to wait until I graduated because that would be waaay to long lol...we've been together for 3 years, and the timing just fit for us...everybody's situation is different...I'm the kind of person who doesn't like to hurt other people's feelings, but in planning and everything that goes along with it, I've learned that I need to make myself happy too, so just do what YOU feel is right, and it doesn't matter what anyone else thinks...they'll get over it...and you might be surprised, whenever we announced we were engaged, we were kinda scared how everyone was gonna react, but everyone in our families were like "omg, finally!!!" and good luck with your future MIL...i completely understand ;]

tinecailin · October 2009

I am totally going through the exact same thing (21, almost 22 planning on a 2 year engagement). I suggest talking about it with your parents and future inlaws for a few months first. I think surprising them with it may make them feel like they were left out or you didn't consider their feelings. Get them used to the idea and then when you get engaged they will hopefully be on board:)

jadedecaro · October 2009

im 20. my fiance is 21. we are getting married when im 23, he's 24.i've been engaged for over a year now.i think im on ur side. and also in a long distance relationship.

gabby_hartz · October 2009

i know how you feel, im 19 and my fiance is 20. we are both still in college and we'll both be done in 2 years. we are planning a 3 year engagment ( sooo long) my family was really happy but they did give their opion ( not Bad) they just want us to finish school. but we have had people say we are too young but thats ok. we know what we want and we arent rushing into it. we have a lot of time and so do you. just make sure you have a "game plan" as to what to tell your parents and his parents hope everything goes well!!! good luck!

soflyawayforever · November 2009

Hi!I'm 21 and I got engaged in August, I've been outta school for about 2 months now and ever since I got engaged all I heard from my family is that it's not something I need to think about. They expect us to wait for a hellishly long time before we actually start planning. I would say, don't worry about your family. If you guys are ready for that commitment then do it. And 23 is not too young to get married. I want to be married by then and having a kid by 25 or 26. Anyway, good luck to you (and wish me luck as well)

lilcassers · November 2009

I don't see anything wrong with being engaged at 21. You are a mature adult who knows what you want. It's not like you are 18 out of high school... that I would question. 3 of my friends are engaged and 1 is married and they are all 22-23. Good luck and have fun planning!! I longer engagement is nice because you won't be rushing and stressed to get thigns done.

EStar73 · February 2010

I got engaged at 21 when my FI was 29 and we'll be getting married when I am 23 and he's 30. We're having an 18 month engagement so that I can finish school and he can find a job (he just completed his Ph.D.) Him being older helped balance out the fact that I am still young but we did have to deal with the fact that we got engaged after 5 months. I am happy about the long engagement because it means we will have been together for two years when we get married and because I will be graduating from college a month before the wedding so will be doing all of the planning while I am still in school. Thankfully my parents are very supportive and are not only paying for the wedding but also doing so much to help me plan. It's nice to see that there are other young brides going through planning while also trying to finish school and maintaining jobs. Congratulations to you all!

Vintagelove4 · November 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_just-engaged-proposals_young-engaged?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:683Discussion:10435315Post:62320338">Young and Engaged?</a>:
[QUOTE]A lot of people get married right out of college. Do you have reasons for wanting a long engagement? An engagement basically announces you are planning a wedding, and you can do that in less than 2 years if you wish. You can start saving for the wedding before the formal engagement too.I think if you come to you FMIL with concrete plans like "I graduate on x date, we want to get married on x date, we already have x amount saved towards our budget" she'll see you are serious about it.
Posted by msmerymac[/QUOTE]

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