Should I make it a Surprise?

ashley14598 · November 2012

Hi fellow Brides

FI and I are beginning to look at honeymoon destinations, however I'm kind of sad because I kind of what this to be a "surprise" for me trip. I currently have 2,300 to put towards the honeymoon where he does much "extra" money coming in until March (we are gertting married June 29). Do you think I should just give him the money I have saved to start planning it now and make it a surprise for me? I make more than he does and overall we are looking to spend about 4,000 on it with my aunt helping with the flight and we can only go for 5 nights due to his work schedule. So I am okay paying for it just want to make it a surprise for me. I fully trust him that he will use the money for this (of course I do I wouldn't be marrying him

But I guess I'm nervous about giving up the control :-/

Thanks for your thoughts! Ashley

Jells2dot0 · November 2012

Ditto PP. It sounds like you are already upset about the way things are going and you have high expectations. My DH and I travel extensively and I typically pay for all of the travel, and even though we know each other's travel tastes very well, neither one of us would ever chance it to surprise the other.

Summer2011Bride · November 2012

I would not want it to be a surprise. It may sound like a good idea now, until you wind up in a place that you absolutely don't want to be and then resent him for it/don't enjoy your HM. H and I know each others' preferences really well, but we still would never surprise each other with a vacation that the other had absolutely no say in.

acaponi87 · November 2012

I don't think it's very fair to put all that pressure on your H to make sure it's something that you'll enjoy. Better to just plan together and make sure it will be something you both like.

anssett · November 2012

In some couples one person is great at planning and has LOTS of desire for control, and the other is really laid back. I happen to be the planner/control one marrying a VERY laid back guy. I know him well enough that trip planning has become 'hey. we should go here and do this stuff. sound good?' and he always says yes. In our relationship me planning a surprise trip for him would be fine and great. I fully intend to some day. Him planning a surprise for me wouldn't work out well because I LOVE PLANNING TRIPS!!! I care about where we go, timelines, what we do, etc. If he desperately wanted to plan a surprise trip for me I'd probably want to narrow it down to 3 places and then let him do the rest. Still a surprise, but I make sure I'll at least be happy with the underly locale.

From your brief post it sounds like you may be able to plan surprise trips for your fiance, but it might not work the other way around. Is he dying to do this for you or do you REALLY want him to want to do it for you? Have you considered the narrowing it down to a list, then letting him take the reigns?

JoanE2012 · November 2012

I think the ONLY way this could work and turn out positive is if you agree on 3 hotels/destinations and then let him surprise you with one of those 3 places.

RamonaFlowers · November 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_honeymoon_should-i-make-it-a-surprise?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:11Discussion:bcb8028e-1416-4e5b-a0ed-f66de7f12fcfPost:de7c6d03-b7f3-4909-8bee-89ab39f2563c">Should I make it a Surprise?</a>:
[QUOTE]Hi fellow Brides :) FI and I are beginning to look at honeymoon destinations, however I'm kind of sad because I kind of what this to be a "surprise" for me trip. I currently have 2,300 to put towards the honeymoon where he does much "extra" money coming in until March (we are gertting married June 29). Do you think I should just give him the money I have saved to start planning it now and make it a surprise for me? I make more than he does and overall we are looking to spend about 4,000 on it with my aunt helping with the flight and we can only go for 5 nights due to his work schedule. So I am okay paying for it just want to make it a surprise for me. I fully trust him that he will use the money for this (of course I do I wouldn't be marrying him ;) But I guess I'm nervous about giving up the control :-/ Thanks for your thoughts! Ashley
Posted by ashley14598[/QUOTE]

"Here's a stack of money, now completely surprise me with an amazing honeymoon"-don't you think that's unfair to your FI to put him under that kind of pressure?

And honestly? Fairness aside, I think it's pretty rude/jerky/whatever to <strong>ask</strong> somebody to surprise you. If they want to do it, they will. If they don't, I don't think you have the right to ask them to. Maybe I stand alone on that, but I just cannot imagine ever having the audacity to <strong>ask</strong> somebody for a surprise-especially such a huge one.

cwaggoner07 · November 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_honeymoon_should-i-make-it-a-surprise?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:11Discussion:bcb8028e-1416-4e5b-a0ed-f66de7f12fcfPost:455e61c0-58f3-433e-925a-55966480c278">Re: Should I make it a Surprise?</a>:
[QUOTE]In some couples one person is great at planning and has LOTS of desire for control, and the other is really laid back. I happen to be the planner/control one marrying a VERY laid back guy. I know him well enough that trip planning has become 'hey. we should go here and do this stuff. sound good?' and he always says yes. In our relationship me planning a surprise trip for him would be fine and great. I fully intend to some day. Him planning a surprise for me wouldn't work out well because I LOVE PLANNING TRIPS!!! I care about where we go, timelines, what we do, etc. If he desperately wanted to plan a surprise trip for me I'd probably want to narrow it down to 3 places and then let him do the rest. Still a surprise, but I make sure I'll at least be happy with the underly locale. From your brief post it sounds like you may be able to plan surprise trips for your fiance, but it might not work the other way around. Is he dying to do this for you or do you REALLY want him to want to do it for you? Have you considered the narrowing it down to a list, then letting him take the reigns?
Posted by anssett[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>I am the same way, and I agree with all of this. If I asked H to surprise me, he would make himself sick trying to make sure he pleased me, knowing how particular I am. And I would be sick not knowing if he was covering all his bases.</div><div>It sounds like you are the one that typically takes control, and I think 'asking' him to surprise you is kind of weird.

</div>

cwaggoner07 · November 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_honeymoon_should-i-make-it-a-surprise?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:11Discussion:bcb8028e-1416-4e5b-a0ed-f66de7f12fcfPost:455e61c0-58f3-433e-925a-55966480c278">Re: Should I make it a Surprise?</a>:
[QUOTE]In some couples one person is great at planning and has LOTS of desire for control, and the other is really laid back. I happen to be the planner/control one marrying a VERY laid back guy. I know him well enough that trip planning has become 'hey. we should go here and do this stuff. sound good?' and he always says yes. In our relationship me planning a surprise trip for him would be fine and great. I fully intend to some day. Him planning a surprise for me wouldn't work out well because I LOVE PLANNING TRIPS!!! I care about where we go, timelines, what we do, etc. If he desperately wanted to plan a surprise trip for me I'd probably want to narrow it down to 3 places and then let him do the rest. Still a surprise, but I make sure I'll at least be happy with the underly locale. From your brief post it sounds like you may be able to plan surprise trips for your fiance, but it might not work the other way around. Is he dying to do this for you or do you REALLY want him to want to do it for you? Have you considered the narrowing it down to a list, then letting him take the reigns?
Posted by anssett[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>I am the same way, and I agree with all of this. If I asked H to surprise me, he would make himself sick trying to make sure he pleased me, knowing how particular I am. And I would be sick not knowing if he was covering all his bases.</div><div>It sounds like you are the one that typically takes control, and I think 'asking' him to surprise you is kind of weird.

</div>

hoffse · November 2012

Yeah I wouldn't do this. I know that for some couples the groom surprises the bride, but I've always found this awkward. What if the bride expects Paris and ends up in San Fran? San Fran is awesome but she may have her heart set on Paris and then be bitter and disappointed and bring it up in fights for the next 30 years.

I think this is doubly true if you're basically paying for it. Plan it together.

JaneAustensGhost · November 2012

There is something weird about asking for a surprise. And I'm not sure how your H would make it a surprise anyway - wouldn't you know where you were going once you showed up at the airport and they called the flight to whereever?

HobokensFury · November 2012

Yeah this is not a good idea. You're setting yourself up for disappointment.

alithebride · November 2012

i guess the first question is this: does your FI even want to do that?

when that's answered go from there.

emeejeeayen · November 2012

Has someone been reading/watching Twilight?

Peledreamsofrain · November 2012

If I dumped that into my H's lap, he'd have a meltdown worrying about pleasing me. Especially because it's our honeymoon. Poor guy. Sit down and plan the honeymoon together, nail down the details as a couple, and maybe ask him to give you a small surprise on the trip. Maybe a couples massage or something.

Eden S 1990 · November 2012

I feel a real surprise is of coincidence not waiting for planning by others. However, as to surprise between a couple, sometimes it may not be true. Because what we expect from our partners is their strong care on us. Care makes romance.

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