My bachelorette party question

rasp.berry · May 2012

Hi ladies,

My sister (MOH) has been organizing a small get together for my "bachelorette" party. It's less like a bachelorette, and more of an excuse to get out for some drinks with my friends which never happens.

My dilemma is that as far as I knew, the guest list was me, her, my other bridesmaid, and 2 of my closest friends (everyone is invited to the wedding). I liked the idea of keeping it small and intimate with my closest friends.

Last night, we were talking about it and my sister mentioned that one of my friends had asked about whether or not there was anyone else to invite. My sister gave her the go ahead to invite some of the girls we went to school with. None of these women are invited to the wedding, so there's a problem etiquette wise. It's normal for this friend to host gatherings with these people, and it's something the big group of us had done on multiple occasions during school but I don't think it's appropriate to invite them to any pre-wedding events for a wedding they're not invited to.

Most of them would be people just looking for an excuse to party, and like I mentioned, it's more of a "get together" than a bachelorette, but still. I feel weird. I mentioned it to my sister that people who aren't invited to the wedding shouldn't be invited to the bachelorette party, but she didn't really seem to notice that I might be uncomfortable with the situation.

I would love love love to see these people again, but I think different circumstances would be more appropriate. Thoughts?

chelseakopperud · May 2012

Yeah, totally not ok. I would call her asap and ask her not to invite them. You cuold always have a get together like that after the wedding.

brittneyh4 · May 2012

This is one thing that always bugs me.. because you're not supposed to plan your own bachelorette party and typically you are supposed to just give a rough draft of a guest list.. but I see all the time where the host adds people who aren't invited to the wedding and then there is this massive mess. As a host I wouldn't ever think to do that, so I have a hard time with this lol.

I would do what Chelsea said and ask the host to not invite them (explaining why).

rasp.berry · May 2012

I did try that by talking to my sister (my sister is the host, my friend is the co-host because it's at her house) but she's mentioned it again since I told her there really shouldn't be anyone there that's not invited to the wedding. I'll try with my my friend, the co-host next, and see what she has to say since she is the one my sister asked about inviting people from school.

futuremrsbecerra · May 2012

I hosted my MOH bach. party a couple years ago and when i would over hear people saying they are bring friends ( who aren't invited) with them, then i would go straight to the bride and make sure she knew about it and was fine with it. Majority of the time she knew about it already but it was my job to make sure everything was the way she wanted. I would def. tell the host that you don't think it is a good idea for them to come since they aren't invited to the wedding. After you tell her, it is her job to pass it on to the other girls telling them why.

Elizabeth80 · May 2012

This and what pp said about how this seems to be a trend with events like this. They should definitely have consulted you first to be sure it was something that you liked. Though it is a gift for them to plan it for you the premise is that it is for YOU. If she wants a party at her place she might want to pick another date and event.

Hope all goes well for you girlie and you have a great time regardless! My Bach Party is thisweekend and I'm so super excited!!

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_june-2012-weddings_my-bachelorette-party-question?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding Club BoardsForum:3ae4d68d-f10a-4dec-8810-da13c14a7b86Discussion:1e50122c-6b7a-4cf7-8420-2e565b2dccc5Post:0fee0eb7-8192-4cdd-b02e-a9c10faa831e">Re: My bachelorette party question</a>:
[QUOTE]I hosted my MOH bach. party a couple years ago and when i would over hear people saying they are bring friends ( who aren't invited) with them, then i would go straight to the bride and make sure she knew about it and was fine with it. Majority of the time she knew about it already but it was my job to make sure everything was the way she wanted. I would def. tell the host that you don't think it is a good idea for them to come since they aren't invited to the wedding. After you tell her, it is her job to pass it on to the other girls telling them why.
Posted by futuremrsbecerra[/QUOTE]

melntaitt · May 2012

I'm still on the fence with this one because it happened to me and I'm personally not comfortable with it but for different reasons.

Are these girls going to be paying for your expenses as well? Your dinner and drinks, etc? That's the part that personally always makes me uncomfortable because then it becomes more about not being important enough to be invited to the wedding but offering a present to the bride.

I think it would be ok only if 1) they're not paying for anything for you 2) you're very comfortable with it and know these people and 3) they have been made very aware that they're not invited to the wedding and do not expect an invitation.

michellep1 · May 2012

I have to agree that as long as they're clear that they aren't invited to the wedding and they aren't helping to pay for anything, then it should be alright.

This happened to FI. I'm pretty sure his best man doesn't know that the word "etiquette" exists (he didn't even tell one of the groomsmen about the bachelor party). He DID invite someone that wasn't invited to the wedding, someone that FI hasn't spoken to in about 8 years. The guest brought a congratulations card with $50 inside!! I thought that was so sweet of him, but felt really bad that he did that and he wasn't even invited to the wedding. Nothing we can do about it now, just a funny story I thought I'd share.

MiksChick23 · May 2012

I had a few acquantaince-friends ask if they could come to mine. Since they didn't get a formal invite to the shower prior to the bach party, I thought we were in the clear. I'm of the mind set the more the merrier...I figure that these extra women already know that they are not invited.

MMRoberts11 · May 2012

I'm going to agree with the majority here but with an exception. With my sorority we all understand not everyone can be invited to weddings but we always go to bachelorette parties regardless of being invited or not as one last party. This is the only exception that we do.

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