Hi and Questions

SpceCadet · October 2009

Hi everyone. I've been a bit of a lurker for a while and thought I'd introduce myself. I'm not Jewish, but my FI is. We're planning to incorporate both of our religious backgrounds in various ways. We are planning to have a chuppah and my FMIL brought up a question about my dress not having a shoulder covering. What are the cultural/religious customs for attire under the chuppah? I've found a lot of information about how they are constructed, history, etc. but not about attire. Thanks!

Shoshie · October 2009

Welcome!My grandmother always told me: you cover up under the chuppah. It's a respect thing. So most brides I know either have a dress with sleeves, wear a jacket or a wrap, or use their veil to cover their shoulders.Hope that helps

amyannosu · October 2009

From what I understand, that's only an issue if you're getting married inside of a synagogue, and/or if your rabbi has a problem with it. I had a ceremony not at a synagogue, officiated by a conservative rabbi, and my dress had sizeable straps but my shoulders weren't completely covered.

Rachiemoo · October 2009

a lot of Jewish women choose to wear a shawl, bolero, etc. under the chuppah if they have a dress that shows their shoulders. this is because modesty is something that is important and valued very much in Judaism.with that being said, i've been to many Jewish weddings where the bride did not have her shoulders covered.being somewhat traditional, I think its nice to honor a tradition like this :)if you're having a rabbi to help officiate your wedding then i might discuss this aspect with him or her, but other than your rabbi, I would have to say that this decision is completely up to you.

SpceCadet · October 2009

Thanks ladies for your responses. I really don't want a jacket and we'll be married by someone as yet to be determined (not a rabbi and not a pastor). We had planned for FSIL to marry us, but she backed out last night.

Whenever we find someone, I'll bring it up with them and ask their thoughts. I hadn't planned for a veil, but that might be a nice compromise between a jacket and bare shoulders.

BenandDina · October 2009

I had a conservative wedding with a Rabbi and a strapless dress, and he communicated that having a veil that covered my shoulders was sufficient, so that is what I did. If you are hoping not to wear a jacket or shawl, many Rabbis would be fine with veils. I would simply ask whoever you are planning on having as an offician what would work for them.

penaltyshot · October 2009

I was married not in a synagogue by a Conservative Rabbi and he said it was my choice what I wanted to do. When laying flat, my veil did cover my shoulders, but it was so windy that it wasn't really doing much. If your FMIL really wants your shoulders covered, that's something you can discuss with her, but as you're not being married by a rabbi, the custom doesn't really matter.

fitnessgirl630 · October 2009

I got married in a hotel and my rabbi told me it was my choice. I chose not to but it's more about personal choice and what your officiant prefers.

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