Gratuation over dream wedding?

My bf just told me that he wouldn't want to get married before gratuating. I understand him, and in theory it would make sense. But, he hasn't been studying in the past three years, he's been working. But before marrying he wants to go back to university, and gratuate. So he's saying he wouldn't marry me atleast in the next five years. I'm 25, and he knows that I want to get married before turning 30. I can't help but to think that if he then happens to change his mind about marrying, he has wiped out my dream. It's a bit silly, but I feel almost trapped. Ofcourse I won't leave him because of this - I love him! - but I'm afraid that that's what he's counting on.

Re: Gratuation over dream wedding?

  • It definitely sounds like you need to communicate some more with him.  Why are you concerned that he will totally change his mind about marrying you EVER?  Has he mentioned before that he's not the "marrying type" or something else that would lead you to believe this?  It's great that he has a goal in mind but it is also possible that he could change his mind and decide that he really DOESN'T want to wait that long - a lot can happen in five years.  If a timeframe is that important to you (which I totally understand because a timeframe is important to me too - and I'm only 20!) then discuss this with him.  Ask him what his major plan is for the next five years BESIDES going to school.  Does he see you in the picture?  Where does he see you guys in 10 years?  And also let him know your goals too.  Maybe you could work at a compromise. Marriage is of course a big deal and you don't ever want to rush someone into it.  What concerns me is that you are saying you're worried that he might change his mind about marriage totally, and you need to be on the same page about that if you are dating seriously with a wedding in mind.
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  • How old is your bf?  I'm 23 & engaged to be married a semester PRIOR to graduating from law school.  I got engaged under the assumption that the wedding would be after graduation.  However, I realized it will be much easier to plan a wedding when I know where I"ll be living, etc.I can understand how he wants to have his degree prior to marriage.  Kids sometimes become a reality sooner than one plans on, and many people want to make sure their education is taken care of before kids come along.However, is he taking action towards starting school?  Or does he talk about it but never really talk about starting it anytime soon?  During these past 3 years of working, has "going back to school" been a reoccurring theme?The fact of the matter is, you want marriage before 30.  Based on what he's mentioned, that may not happen with him.  Two possible things may have to happen:  1.  If you are happy with him, let go of your strict "married by 30" rule.  If you're with the man you're supposed to be with, marriage will happen when you're both ready.   2. Bring this up with him, honestly.  See why he feels its so important to get a degree before he gets married--is he worried that he'll lose the opportunity to do so simply by getting married?  Perhaps he's worried that school would keep him from "supporting you" as he feels he'll then be "obligated" to do. However, plenty of people are married AND attending college.  At the end of the day, nothing will happen if you don't talk about it with him. Its important that he understands how important this is to you.  maybe he's not quite getting that?
  • We've talked about it. I think the issue is that he "has been going" back to school for the past two years! :) He has a tendency to do things in his own pace (SLOW), and even though he's said he'll want to marry me, I'm afraid if his slow habits will come on the way of our plans. He is the type of a person who doesn't notice that he's running late on plans before it's too late. If the matter would be any smaller, I wouldn't mind. But even after talking with him, I'm wondering what I should do or say to make him understand how important it is to me. He's a sweetheart, but gosh it takes time and efford for things get through for him! :)
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