Would this piss you off???

fitnessgirl630 · October 2009

So last night DH and I got home late at 1am and I was exhausted so I crashed but he couldn't sleep so he went on the computer.This morning when I got up his 'yahoo instant messenger' thing was still on and there was a message from some girl that read "At a party and U". I asked him and he told me that that she was on his long list of "friends' and he said hello.Because DH has all his passwords automatically programmed in his Facebook, email, yahoo messenger etc. I know he has nothing to hide and I've never snooped.However, I think it's completely inappropriate to talk to in his words "a random girl from Colorado he used to talk to" if you are in a relationship\married.He did tell me that it upsets me he will never chat online to people again.Now DH is extremely social and he has given me no reason to not trust him but I think it's bullsh*t to be 33 yrs old and do IM even platonically with a random person.WWYD or think?Jessica

nda_roxybabe · October 2009

Eh, it seems like it was harmless to me. If he was bored and couldnt sleep he probably just talked to whomever was online at the time...I dont think its a big deal. Now, if he had been saying inappropriate things then yes.

Nebb · October 2009

I think you need to let it go. He was just chatting, and quite innocently. There is nothing wrong with IMing someone, regardless of your age or relationship status, as long as the conversations are appropriate. He is a social guy, this is just another outlet.

WildRumpus · October 2009

I think you're waaaaaaaaay overreacting. Is he allowed to have friends that are women?

swans alive · October 2009

I don't think it would. I have a lot of trouble sleeping, so sometimes I get online late (after FI's gone to bed) and talk with whoever on my buddy list is online. It happens. FI has no problem with it, I don't hide it from him. If it's not something he does regularly, it's not worth arguing about. People have trouble sleeping, and sometimes random chat is a lot better than just staring at the ceiling in bed. If you trust him, there's not a problem.

bbyckes · October 2009

I don't think I'd be that bothered. If you trust him, you trust him and leave this be. Don't put limits on what he's allowed to do and what you consider behavior he shouldn't be engaging in, esp. IM'ing. If you're the jealous type then that's a whole 'nother convo. Let it go, be upset about something else - this isn't worth it.

jessjo04 · October 2009

No, that wouldnt piss me off. Sounds like an innocent message, you gotta calm down. I think it's completely inappropriate to talk to in his words "a random girl from Colorado he used to talk to" if you are in a relationship\married.That sounds a little crazy. Married =/= no more friends.

lyndausvi · October 2009

It would not bother me. But I'm not the jealous type either.

brookelynpaisley · October 2009

You're overreacting. It sounds pretty innocent to me. I draw the line at exes. But I have a few great guy friends that I never had any intimate exchanges with (we might talk and realize there was no spark, which I would describe just as your DH described this girl) and now share a perfectly platonic friendship with.

louisvillebride21 · October 2009

The only girl I would have a problem with him talking to late at night was his last ex. As long as the conversation wasn't inappropriate, I don't see any problem with this at all.

Nebb · October 2009

The fact that it was left open, and you could see for yourself what the conversation consisted of, proves how innocent it was. There is nothing wrong with asking questions (about the conversation, or how they know eachother), but putting limits on things like that is crossing a line.

tenofcups4me · October 2009

No. That wouldn't piss me off. Dh had hundreds of friends online, male and female, who he chats with on occasion. I have fewer online friends, but they're certainly not limited to women. If he spoke with her every night, I'd have concerns, but there's nothing wrong with a casual conversation with an old friend.

andyandhillary · October 2009

I agree with what the others have said.Also, you may want to discuss your views on friendship. This post makes it seem like you are easily made jealous, which everyone has their faults, but it should be dealt with. If you truly trusted him this wouldn't have even been posted.

nda_roxybabe · October 2009

Honestly, when T goes to bed early I'll get bored and talk to any of my friends who are online -guys and girls..even my ex. T doesn't care he knows its harmless and he trust me.

zitiqueen · October 2009

Sounds like you don't trust your husband.

mwhitson14 · October 2009

Sounds the messaging consisted of nothing more than "hey what you up to" and she replies "at a party and U" nothing to be mad about.

banana468 · October 2009

Why is it a big deal if he talks to some random girl from his past?If he lied to you about it then I'd see it as a big deal but I'm not sure what the issue is here.

sucrets4 · October 2009

I wouldn't be intimidated by someone who can't even write out the word 'you'.Why is it weird and inappropriate for him to talk to old friends?

A-D · October 2009

I overreacted once, when FI joined a forum. Backstory: it was on a porn site, he said it was because he wanted ideas on how to spice up our sex life. I told him it was COMPLETELY inappropriate (people were advertising for random hookups, and f*ck, it was a PORN site for God's sake!). He didn't get why it was such a big deal for me, since he had never posted anything (which was true, because I checked). But a random "hello, how are you, what are you doing" would not bother me. Porn does. Can't help it.

eastunder1 · October 2009

You shouldn't be punishing your husband for YOUR insecurities and jealousies. Thats something you have to work out on your own. There is absolutely nothing wrong with having friendships of the opposite sex or talking to them online if it is innocent and not ill-intentioned. It is ridiculous to think he can never chat with a female. Whats next, he isn't allowed to work with them either? And why is IM-ing with people bullsh*t? Are you allowed to talk to random people with vaginas when you're in your twenties but thats something you should have outgrown by 33? I don't get it. Either way, you sound absolutely ridiculous and insanely insecure.

fitnessgirl630 · October 2009

Hi Ladies,I appreciate all the responses and brutal honesty which is why I posted on P and E. Yes it sounds like I have some insecurities of my own I need to deal with. I will definitely start working on myself.Thank you ladies:)xoxo, Jessica

janedoe1113a · October 2009

Yea, you're completely overreacting. I didn't know you weren't allowed to IM when you hit your 30s. New info to me.

Sydney.O.Rutledge · October 2009

I'll be completely alone. I am 30 and I think it's very weird to IM random people. Maybe I am old beyond my years, but that is something I associate with HS and college. If this girl really is his friend (online or off), or they have something in common (a game, a past school, a mutual friend, etc.), I think you are overreacting. If my impression of the type of relationship he has with this girl is correct, however, I doubt he is up to anything sinister. But I do think he sounds very needy, and that is what would concern me in the long run. I guess you didn't know he did this before you got married?

eastunder1 · October 2009

What gives you the impression that he is needy? Because he uses IM and talks to casual acquaintances with it? How exactly does one equal the other?

ThePinkSuperhero · October 2009

If I can't sleep at night, I'll talk to friends, male or female. He might do the same. No big problem.

Would this piss you off???

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