Can a Jewish wedding be outside

NeptunesViolin · October 2009

Now I know this might seem like a really silly question but I'm looking for an honest answer. Some background on me, I'm not Jewish but my mother is (semi-orthodox) and my FI is Jewish (but not practicing).For my mother's sake, I agreed to have a rabbi do the ceremony. Ever since I've been engaged last June, I've said that weather permitting, I want the wedding outside. I then get it from my mom that the ceremony should be inside and under the chuppah (?). It's gotten to the point where I was told if we do end up doing the ceremony outside, she'll wait inside for it to be over. What sucks is that after I was engaged and after she made it perfectly clear she wants the ceremony inside, she was diagnosed with a form of cancer. Now she's claiming that her doctor won't allow her to be outside for my wedding and for the sake of her health, it MUST be inside. I love my mom dearly and of course, if this was solely a health issue, I have no problem having it inside, but I can't help but feel she's claiming that she can't go out there bc of her religious views, not bc of her health.

october010bride · October 2009

To my knowledge, very traditional Orthodox weddings almost always occur outside underneath the chuppah. As long as there is a chuppah and a rabbi I don't see any reason as to why a Jewish wedding can't happen outside. Maybe its your mother just wanting an indoor ceremony in comparison to an outside ceremony. Would it bother you if you had an outdoor ceremony but your standing under the chuppah? Most chuppahs allow for 180 or even 360 views of the surroundings. Maybe she's just confused. Why not speak to your rabbi, see what he says and if he says its fine then have him speak to your mother. Hopefully that'll end any confusion on the matter.

NeptunesViolin · October 2009

We've spoken to our rabbi and he said that technically, the gazebo outside can act as a chuppah since it's covered on top and open on the sides. And i'm fine with that. I would prefer that actually.My mother, on the other hand, says that the rabbi is wrong and that the gazebo is not a chuppah and it shouldn't be outside. She told me that if I'm having a jewish ceremony, then I should do it right. Honestly, I'm having a rabbi, I never said I'm having a typical Jewish ceremony. But then to be threatened that she won't be there for my ceremony if it's outside is just eating me up.My mother converted after she married my dad and before she had me. So she got heavily into the religion. As a kid, I didn't like all the orthodox ideals being shoved at me so I converted to Christianity. So to sum up, I've always have a defense up when it comes to anything Jewish. It makes me uncomfortable and I don't want to follow it. It's not the religion's fault, it's the way it was presented to me. And honestly, I don't know much about the religion to begin with, so when she starts telling me that doing something is the right way, I figure she's probably an expert on it. I'm just so frustrated and stressed, I don't know what to do.

Knottie_22381855 · October 2009

Yes, a jewish wedding can absolutely be outside. However, my understanding is that, according to the more religious, a gazebo cannot serve as a chuppah. If we had an outdoor wedding, we would have put a chuppah in front of the gazebo, but, we were married in a more religous ceremony. I believe most reform rabbis would consider a gazebo just fine.

october010bride · October 2009

I'd agree with pp on the chuppah part... can you just have a tradtional chuppah in front of the gazebo? It might just make everything easier in the long run with your mother and elevate any additional stress from her end..

NeptunesViolin · October 2009

I'd agree with pp on the chuppah part... can you just have a tradtional chuppah in front of the gazebo? It might just make everything easier in the long run with your mother and elevate any additional stress from her end..Oh trust me, I've suggested putting the chuppah in front of the gazebo. Doesn't matter to her, a jewish ceremony should not be outside.

october010bride · October 2009

I'm sorry that she's being so unreasonable.. but really Jewish weddings can totally happen outside. I can't tell you the countless amount of Hasidic and Orthodox weddings I've attended that were outside. She's wrong here and if she won't budge I guess she move on with out her or give in to her.

penaltyshot · October 2009

My Conservative wedding was outside. We put a chuppah underneath the gazebo and it looked beautiful to have all the greenery around it. When I was researching Jewish customs for weddings, I specifically remember reading how Orthodox ceremonies are held outdoors under the sky. In fact, some synagogues will have a skylight that can open just so people can get married indoors but still be under the sky for their wedding. No idea where your mother came up with this indoors obsession...

tenofcups4me · October 2009

Your mother is just flat-out wrong. I know she doesn't believe YOUR rabbi, but would she believe HER OWN rabbi maybe? I also can't think of any illness that prevents someone from being outside for a half hour or so. Certainly I've never heard of someone with cancer being confined to staying inside. I'm really sorry she's being so manipulative. The only thing I can think is to say something along the lines of, "Mom, we decided to have a Jewish ceremony, including a rabbi and chuppah, for YOU. But if that's not good enough for you, we're going to go back to plan b and skip the whole religious thing altogether. We need to know if you're going to attend, because if you're not, we're going to change our plans completely." But I don't know your mom. of course, so I have no idea how that would play out...

2dBride · October 2009

Actually, under Orthodox tradition, the chuppah is supposed to be "under the heavens," i.e., outside. The only way to have it inside is a) if there is a hole in the roof of the hall, or b) if the chuppah is placed just outside the hall, so the guests are inside but the actual marriage is outside. [url=http://www.sichosinenglish.org/books/eternal-joy-2/15.htm]See this link[/url].Maybe if you explain to your mother that you are following the more Orthodox tradition, it would help?

NeptunesViolin · October 2009

Actually, under Orthodox tradition, the chuppah is supposed to be "under the heavens," i.e., outside. The only way to have it inside is a) if there is a hole in the roof of the hall, or b) if the chuppah is placed just outside the hall, so the guests are inside but the actual marriage is outside. See this link.Maybe if you explain to your mother that you are following the more Orthodox tradition, it would help?I really like this suggestion. Also, I explained multiple times there's no guarantee. There's a good chance it could be cold that day and we would have to have it inside. Or it could be raining. I think she's just incredibly stubborn and wants things done her way. It puts me in such a hard situation bc obviously I know she's sick, but I hate it being an excuse for something I'd like to do at my own wedding. We've gone to the point where we're going to call her doctor and see if he honestly did say she can't be outside for less than an hour. I know it's sneaky but I just don't believe I'm being told the truth.

silversparks · October 2009

I'm so sorry to hear about your mom's health :~ Traditionally, pps are all right - it's preferable to have the ceremony outside, "under the heavens". And the rabbi is the boss when it comes to deciding what is or isn't allowed Jewishly (and then you can decide how you feel about the rabbi) - But if that argument isn't working, 2 ideas - Can you arrange a sheltered area right next to the chuppah/gazebo so that your mom can be "indoors" - just a small awning or something to keep her covered and out of the sun if that's her concern? Also, every outdoor wedding needs an indoor weather plan so is there any hope for a conversation that starts "mom, we'd really love to be able to have the wedding outside, but just in case it's raining, what do you suggest for our rain plan?" gl!

The Little One · October 2009

I agree that your mother is wrong and am of the understanding like 2dBride that a Jewish wedding is supposed to be under the stars (under a chuppah of course). I see that you're in NJ--I am too and was supposed to have my wedding outside this upcoming Saturday but we are not because it is just too darn cold! For the sake of your mother's health and your guests' comfort, inside might be the best option.

Rachiemoo · October 2009

its actually preferred to have it outside [under a chuppah], though it can be inside as well. mine was outside, under a chuppah

signingjulie · October 2009

as pp's said, Jewish weddings can be outside. I don't know the official rules about using a gazebo as a chuppah, but I know my friend did it (I think she used a Reform rabbi though). As far as cancer preventing your mother from being outside for your ceremony, that kind of sounds like an excuse but I'm not a medical expert...

Rebecca Toriello · October 2009

Yes Jewish weddings are traditionally held outside usually at sundown with the stars showing in the sky. I am a nurse as long as your mom is not on chemo or radiation and her cell counts are good in good weather she should be able to attend an out door ceremony it is only 45 minutes to 1 hour. i would think that it would be healthier to be in fresh air (with good weather)than in a room couped up with germs. Now if she has a compromised immune system she would be better inside and hopfully no one that is sick will go near her. We had a man come to high holiday services he is a cancer survivor but he was sick the Dr made him wear a mask to shul. Kids are loaded with germs! I hope you and your mom are able to work this out, and if she does have cancer I hope no one attends your wedding if they are sick and your guests hopefully should know not to attend if they are sick. i wish your mom a speedy recovery and i hope you have beautiful wedding.

lynniearudner · October 2009

im sorry to hear about your moms health and about this difficult time you are going through with her. i think the previous posts have clearly explained the rules and traditions, and that the facts point to outside weddings being fine, if not even preferable. would it be possible for you and your mom (and FI) to go talk to your rabbi about this issue (or her rabbi) so she can "hear it from the horses mouth" so to speak? maybe that will help her. also, the ideas about a possible awning for her, or something like that, might be a nice gesture. i hope this works out for you. i, too, have struggled with my mom over these types of issues (though she is not ill, so im sure the stress for you is greater) and it is certainly not fun. best of luck.

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