Morning wedding and reception, evening after-party?

glam70s · October 2009

We are planning a morning ceremony (10:30-ish) followed by a brunch reception. My fiance's family is rather 'straight and narrow' and against alcohol consumption, so the morning ceremony and quiet reception will allow us to have the lively kind of party we want later that evening (without the disapproving eyes of the aforementioned family).The reception will wrap up around 3pm, and then the after party would not be until 8 or 9pm. I'm hoping that my new husband and I can be alone during the time in between to get some sleep, since we'll be up around 4am to get ready for pre-ceremony photos.Many of our friends who would be attending the after party are from out of town, so we'd like to all stay in a hotel together that night (allowing for easy access to our favourite party spots). They are not familiar with the city we would be staying in. What are our obligations for entertaining these friends in between the parties? Can we just get everyone checked into the hotel and leave them to their own devices for a few hours?

Night_Sprite · October 2009

This idea has a lot of problems I have no idea how to solve. Good luck with that.The family will find out and judge you.

IrishBrideND · October 2009

What happens if the family finds out? Will they judge AND be offended they weren't included?

tidetravel · October 2009

You're not responsible for hosting them in between parties. If you are hosting the after-party (paying for alcohol/food) then send invites to the after party w/ the wedding invitation (and you can get RSVPs too). If you are not hosting, and it is more "bride and groom will be at X place, please come join us if you want" but guests are responsible for their own bill, then hand something informal out at the reception, or spread the news word of mouth. As far as the hotel goes, you're not responsible for that either - you can block rooms at a certain hotel for the convenience of your guests, but they are under no obligation to stay there.

tidetravel · October 2009

In line w/ Irish - I am assuming that EVERYONE will be invited to the after party - even if they choose not to come.

Nebb · October 2009

What do you expect your guests to do between 3 and 9? Its pretty convenient that you will get out of having to provide their dinner and they will be stuck footing their own bill the entire day.

ExpatPumpkin · October 2009

I actually think this is an excellent compromise that respects your FI's family's beliefs and allows you to have the kind of celebration you want. But you have to do this right. On your invites, list the ceremony and the brunch reception that follows AND the after party. This way everyone is invited. Call the afterparty "Cocktails and Dancing," or something to that effect to get the point across that there will be alcohol, etc. And have said party at a nightclub - maybe rent out a VIP section, etc. If I got this invite, I would completely understand that I can go to one or both parties. I would expect for my food and alcohol (in the case of the after party) to be covered at each one, as well. So please don't invite people to the club and then have them buy their own drinks... I'm not suggesting you were thinking that, but just in case

Also, you are not responsible for the guests' time/entertainment during the afternoon between the two parties. They will probably also appreciate the down time, and will most likely be changing clothes, etc. As a side note, I highly recommend having all your friends at the same hotel as you. See if you can get a special rate. We had a DW, so everyone was there for 3-4 days, and we had the best time with them...

ExpatPumpkin · October 2009

Nebb brings up a good point... When I said "do it right" I should have elaborated that I meant you need to feed them. You're feeding them lunch, and you should also have at least heavy hors d'oeuvres at your afterparty. We eat late, so 8-9PM would be dinner for us, but I'd be satisfied with heavy hors d'oeuvres to go along with the cocktails. Again, it's your party so it's all on your tab

betrothed123 · October 2009

I had a 10:30 am wedding. I was up at 4:00 that morning to start getting ready. With all of the stress (good and bad) of the day by the time the reception was over I was wiped. My H and I couldn't have partied out until 12 or 1 am if we had wanted to. Just something to keep in mind. It's going to be a really long day so you may not want to make steadfast plans too far in advance.

TurtlesAllTheWayDown · October 2009

I'm with Expat. I actually think this will make for a nice day of partying. However, if you are actually hosting the after party, then please feed people. If you go for the "hey, guys, let's meet up at our favorite bar the night of my wedding" approach, um, well, do what you want to do. But I'd at least expect a pitcher of beer. ;-) If these people are coming from out of town, it would be nice to give them a list of things to do nearby during the downtime. And perhaps to host some cider/coffee/tea and cookies in the hotel lobby or something. Or if you want to spend dinner with your new husband, maybe have your wedding party take people to dinner, or suggest a restaurant to go to.

tenofcups4me · October 2009

I don't get all the judgments upthread. Seems to me you've worked out a very nice way to have the party that family will want and also enjoy some partying time with friends. To me, the "official" wedding is the ceremony and reception, which you're hosting completely. Then it's done. And in the evening, you're gathering with friends for some more partying. I see no reason to invite ALL of your wedding guests to the evening events or to provide anything to do in between. If I were a guest, I'd go home or to the hotel, relax, take a nap, get some dinner, and then be ready to go out and have some fun. Personally, the last thing I'd want to do is some other "official" wedding activity in between -- give me a break, let me decompress, get changed, and then we'll party.

Kristin789 · October 2009

Totally agree with Betrothed. We were married at 11:30, followed by a luncheon reception that lasted until about 3:30. Then we left on our honeymoon. Seemed like the right thing to do. Hosting some blowout liquored-up after-party later that night seems weird.

danieliza1127 · October 2009

I think it sounds like a fine plan. Make sure you provide your oot friends with info about places to eat and things to do for dinner during that break between parties. They may just want to nap and eat dinner but you may have some that might want to get out and see some sights.As far as your families, you need to make sure that the people who are NOT invited to the after party are going to be okay with that. Don't try to keep the after party a secret because people will talk at your ceremony and reception. Just be up front that it's a party for your friends in from out of town.

IrishBrideND · October 2009

If she is inviting everyone to the evening party, then I see no problem with it. I didn't get that from her post though.

buttaflai · October 2009

What's up with all the premature snark?I didn't gather that you would be keeping any secrets - I think your plan sounds great. I think PPs mentioned maybe giving your guests some info on what they MIGHT want to check out in the area since they are new to it. That's a good idea. If you do it right, I would have fun. And I wouldn't judge at all.

danieliza1127 · October 2009

See, I think in this situation she isn't obligated to invite everyone to the after party. She will have had a reception and it will be over. If she then decides to throw a party for her younger guests later that evening, I think they can do that and not invite the older guests that were at the real wedding reception earlier in the day. It would be different if this after party were the reception, but it's not.

IrishBrideND · October 2009

I don't think she's obligated, either. But my question was will it cause more damage than not? If they are judgy people as is, will they get upset if they found out?

TurtlesAllTheWayDown · October 2009

I'm with Dani, I think just getting together with friends after the "official" wedding, especially people she doesn't see often, will be fine.Also, if she's not going out for dinner with them, that will allow them to find their own food at a price point they feel comfortable with, or to eat at a bar later.

glam70s · October 2009

Wow, I wouldn't have imagined this would generate such a response. To be clear, all guests invited to the ceremony and reception will be invited to the other party later in the evening. There are no secrets - we have already discussed this with our entire families. Nobody has a problem with it, but his family and some of my older family members have already made it clear that they would not be attending. His family cannot tolerate alcohol in their presence, but they do know that we drink on occasion and that's fine.We have also already made hotel arrangements with our friends, who are all looking forward to the evening already. We have arranged to pay for the hotel rooms as well for anyone who wants them, provided they promise to use them.And finally, this is not going to be an all-out drunk fest. Think more relaxing with cocktails in the VIP lounge, not vegas-style drunken casino night.So, that said, thank you to those who think this is a good idea provided etiquette is followed. I personally think it's a great way to keep both the family and friends happy, and to allow us to have the celebration we really want, instead of the dull one that his family expects.

glam70s · October 2009

I forgot to mention as well that a selection of our favourite drinks will be covered by us, and friends can purchase anything else they may want.We will also be covering bar food. After the enormous brunch we will be serving at the wedding reception, I don't think anyone will want a seated dinner, so I think we'll be going with nachos, pizza, and various antijitos. The intent for this party is to be a fun casual night out, not really part of the wedding.

Morning wedding and reception, evening after-party?

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