Getting an Annulment from the Catholic Church

Re: Getting an Annulment from the Catholic Church

• right1thistime member

  

  November 2011 edited December 2011

  In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_second-weddings_getting-annulment-catholic-church?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:35Discussion:984df4ab-8532-4bbf-9180-28832ed0113ePost:d7715bd1-2a0c-442e-852d-12aeb19193de">Getting an Annulment from the Catholic Church</a>:
  [QUOTE]  This is a <strong>legal</strong> process that goes through the Catholic Church and takes about a year to complete, generally speaking. Posted by klevenj[/QUOTE]
  
  Actually Julie, I suppose it's "legal" if you consider cannon law, but it is actually a religious process.  Your legal process was your civil divorce.  Religious ceremonies to marry you are both legal and religious, but termination of marriage separates the processes.
  
  I think that many Catholics encounter what you are experiencing.  Some feel so strongly that they postpone the marriage to wait for the annulment.  Others go forward with the civil ceremony, as you are, with later blessing in the Church once the annulment is granted.  In your shoes, I would just chieck with my parish priest.  Some significantly frown on the latter, and it could impact their statements for the annulment. 
  
  And I agree with you that your xMIL must like you very much to introduce you to your Fi.  Unless of course her son was paying alimony that will cease when you remarry. (Just kidding, of course!)  ~Donna

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• Sue-n-Kevin member

  

  November 2011 edited December 2011

  right1thistime's advice is perfect.
  
  "This is my second wedding, his first.  I know his family completely supports our marriage and really probably isn't as strict on this whole Catholic wedding thing as what I have in my head, but I still can't help but feel I'm letting my fiance and his family down.  Our wedding date can't be changed - over 20 guests have already purchased tickets.  So for now, we're planning a legal civil wedding in the Dominican and then we will have our marriage validated in the Catholic Church once the Annulment comes through. "
  
  - You may be right, they may not be as strict as you think they are. I was raised in the Catholic church my whole life. My now-husband was married twice before and is not Catholic. For my family, and us as a couple, the thought of an annulment at our age (mid 50's) just wasn't that big a deal. We won't be having kids to raise in any formal church, LOL.
  
  - I'm not sure of the process, but I don't think the Catholic Church "validates" your wedding.........I think you actually have to have a marriage ceremony performed by a priest. I may be wrong though, many things are actually up to the parish. My two kids were both born "out of wedlock", yet our church baptised them both. I have friends who's kids born in similar manner were not allowed to have them baptised in their churches. Weird.
  
  It sounds as though you have given this a lot of thought and have a plan. Don't worry about it, just proceed as you have outlined. You are also NOT a "bad seed". Everyone makes mistakes, and sadly many formal religious organizations make you FEEL like you are. But you are not. It sounds as though they are very welcoming of you regardless of your history.
  
  Prepare yourself for what could be a very loooong period of time before the annulment comes through. If you and/or your future husband and/or his family believe strongly in the annulment process, you will want to be careful with birth control..........oops, wait, they frown on that too.........you won't want to get pregnant until the officially sanctioned Catholic ceremony has taken place.
  (OK yes, I am quite sarcastic when it comes to Catholicism and it's rules).
  
  Good luck.

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• ichellemay1

  

  November 2011 edited December 2011

  In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_second-weddings_getting-annulment-catholic-church?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:35Discussion:984df4ab-8532-4bbf-9180-28832ed0113ePost:d202dbe2-f752-4d2a-af05-9d905392cc78">Re: Getting an Annulment from the Catholic Church</a>:
  [QUOTE]right1thistime's advice is perfect. "This is my second wedding, his first.  I know his family completely supports our marriage and really probably isn't as strict on this whole Catholic wedding thing as what I have in my head, but I still can't help but feel I'm letting my fiance and his family down.  Our wedding date can't be changed - over 20 guests have already purchased tickets.  So for now, we're planning a legal civil wedding in the Dominican and then we will have our marriage validated in the Catholic Church once the Annulment comes through. " - You may be right, they may not be as strict as you think they are. I was raised in the Catholic church my whole life. My now-husband was married twice before and is not Catholic. For my family, and us as a couple, the thought of an annulment at our age (mid 50's) just wasn't that big a deal. We won't be having kids to raise in any formal church, LOL. - I'm not sure of the process, but I don't think the Catholic Church "validates" your wedding.........I think you actually have to have a marriage ceremony performed by a priest. I may be wrong though, many things are actually up to the parish. My two kids were both born "out of wedlock", yet our church baptised them both. I have friends who's kids born in similar manner were not allowed to have them baptised in their churches. Weird. It sounds as though you have given this a lot of thought and have a plan. Don't worry about it, just proceed as you have outlined. You are also NOT a "bad seed". Everyone makes mistakes, and sadly many formal religious organizations make you FEEL like you are. But you are not. It sounds as though they are very welcoming of you regardless of your history. Prepare yourself for what could be a very loooong period of time before the annulment comes through. If you and/or your future husband and/or his family believe strongly in the annulment process, you will want to be careful with birth control.......... oops, wait, they frown on that too .........you won't want to get pregnant until the officially sanctioned Catholic ceremony has taken place. (OK <strong>yes, I am quite sarcastic when it comes to Catholicism and it's rules</strong>). Good luck.
  Posted by Sue-n-Kevin[/QUOTE]
  
  This made me smile.

  

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• handfast4me member

  

  November 2011 edited December 2011

  I'm not even a Christian (which is why I balked at the "legal" process of the Catholic church too, thanks Right1) , but I have a little information about the process.  So, you can be married in a civil ceremony and then once your annulment is final, there is a sort of ceremony called a convalidation ceremony that the priest does.  It's sort of a blessing on the marriage/relgious ceremony sort of a thing.  Lots of ladies who've visited this board have had that done at a later date.  We used to get a lot of questions about the Catholic anullment process on this board.  Not so much any more.
  
  I don't understand you muggles sometimes.  :-) 

  Don't mess with the old dogs; age and treachery will always overcome youth and skill! BS and brilliance only come with age and experience.

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• Avion22 member

  

  November 2011 edited December 2011

  My only advice would be to look on the Catholic board for some information (if you haven't already).  But I think you'll get the BEST information if you talk to the specific priest in your fiance's parish.   Some churches/priests are differnet, so whatever your plans are, you'll want to run them by him to make sure that it will work.
  
  My sister is Catholic, and she had to get an annullment from her first marriage in order to re-marry.  I don't think it took TOO long, they were only engaged for about a year before the wedding.   The big thing was that she had to show that the first marriage WASN'T a Catholic marriage (she wasn't Catholic at the time, and neither was the groom), and she had to have "witnesses" sign the paperwork who could attest to the fact that it wasn't a Catholic marriage (I actually signed, and I'm not even Catholic).  So I think it was more of a paperwork excercise and a formality than anything else.  But then again, this was with HER priest at HER church, so it could be different where you are.

  

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• debbiem56

  

  November 2011 edited December 2011

  I suggest you cross post this on the Catholic board, there are ladies there more knowledgeable than me.  I obtained an annulment before my engagement.  It took me about 8 months.  You must have grounds that it was not a sacramental marriage from the beginning.  It is more than a paper exercise, counseling is also involved.  Besides the Catholic board, your parish priest is your best resource as every situation is different.  And, Hand is correct, it is a convalidation ceremony if you first have a civil ceremony.

  

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• 2dBride member

  

  November 2011 edited December 2011

  I'm not Catholic.  But my understanding is that the annulment is easiest to get if a) the previously married partner is Catholic, b) the previous marriage was outside of the Catholic church, and c) the Catholic church's permission was not sought for the previous marriage.  It is more complicated if either a) the previously married partner is not Catholic (regardless of where the marriage took place), or b) the previously married partner was married in a Catholic ceremony (or a ceremony for which the Catholic church gave permission).
  
  It sounds like the OP is not Catholic.  Thus, in figuring out the likely timing, she should not assume that she could get an annulment as fast as a Catholic who previously married outside of the Catholic church.

  
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• klevenj

  

  November 2011 edited December 2011

  Our priest has told us having a civil ceremony will not have an effect on the annulment.  He of course can't recommend we have a civil ceremony, but he did say it won't affect the annulment.

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• Calypso1977 member

  

  December 2011 edited December 2011

  annulments are not guaranteed.  that's the biggest thing to consider.
  
  if your annulment is not granted, then you cannto have the convalidation.  your FI will have to think about whether he wants to risk having his marriage not recognized  by the church should your annulment not be granted.
  
  good luck.

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• romamor4

  

  December 2011 edited December 2011

  klevenj

  
  

  I felt like I was reading my story when I read yours! I was married in 2004, divorced in 2007 and have been with my FI since 2009. He had his marriage anulled but I've been going through the anullment process for close to four years now. This is only because I was married to a Roman Italian in Rome and he has been causing the process to go on and on. Well, it's finally moving forward. In my diocese they informed us that it only takes about 18 months to receive a final declaration on your previoius marriage. Infact, FI's only took 16 months. 

  
  

  Anyway, because there were so many problems in getting mine done due to my ex, we were tired of waiting. FI's father is actually a former priest and he really wanted us to marry in the Catholic Church, but even he is supportive of the fact that we are moving forward with a religious ceremony and then will follow through once the anullment is done with a convalidation ceremony. That is not the way we prefer to do it, but we decided that it is better to move forward for us. My anullment should be completed by around October or November of 2012, hopefully. We will be married in September.

  
  

  Another issue we had to consider is that you cannot go through pre-cana or begin initial planning of your wedding until your anullment is completed. This would have put us back a whole nother year. 

  
  

  PM me if you have any more questions! I hope this helps somewhat. 

  
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• amandachamblin member

  

  December 2011 edited December 2011

  No worries, I am in a very similar situation.  I was married before, divorced, but I am the Catholic.  My first xH and I were never married in a church, rather the JOP. We were young, had a baby, and barely lasted a year.  I met my now husband 2009 and we married at the JOP a year later because budget prohibitted us from a full, traditional wedding and we decided to have a large ceremony down the road. 
  
  My now husband was never baptized, and not a practicing Catholic.  I, however, grew up in a rather strict Catholic family (needless to say the JOP weddings were not recieved the best by the parents.)  My husband has decided that he would like to convert and become Catholic.  He is scheduled to be baptized Easter of 2012.  However, because the church does not recognize a divorce from my first husband, and it obvioisly too late for an annulment, we have been forced to file a request with the Arch Bishop for the annulment that you are talking about as well.  Our paperwork was just submitted this week and we are told that we will have an answer back before Christmas in 2 weeks.  I understand from reading online that this process can take quite a while, but I dont think that is always the case.  Our priest is very confident that it will be a very quick turn around time. 
  
  I am taking their word for it because they actually suggested that we need to participate in the sacrament of marriage before my husband is baptized in 4 months.  I highly doubt they would let him continue with his RCIA classes for baptism if they didnt think we would have our issue rectified in time. 
  
  Keep your fingers crossed.  And dont be ashamed.  At first I too felt uncomfortable about the process and situation.  Also about having a "wedding" already being married.  (We have since decided to call it a "renewal of vows" to ease the confusion )  Catholic churches are all about rule and regulation.  You will soon find out if you have not already.  Regardless, enjoy your ceremony abroad and celebrate in the church with close family when you can.  My hope is that you will have an answer back from the church sooner than expected. 
  
  One thing you didnt mention, and the thing I still fear the worst, is that the church could deny the request for the annulment and you would actually not be able to have a Catholic wedding.  Although rare, not rare enough to ease my mind until we have a favorable answer from the church.
  
  Keep your head   And enjoy regardless...

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• leesmorris

  

  September 2013

  Your story matches mine so closely!  My fiance was married in 2002 and divorced in 2008.  Once he proposed, we began the annulment process.  I didn't realize how much paperwork would be involved - or the time frame we were looking at.  I was raised a strict Catholic and although I am more lenient, my family unfortunately is not.  There has never been a divorce in my family - not even extensive family.  I feel like my family is frowning on my situation - especially since he has two little boys.  My family is pushing me to wait until the annulment goes through before we marry.  We thought we would compromise and have a civil ceremony (on the beach) like we've always dreamed and then have a Catholic wedding in the Church when the annulment goes through.  We considered this especially since the Church will not allow you to set a date, which really limits planning - unsure how long we'd be looking at.  Then there would be the second hurdle of attempting to get the Bishop to approve a wedding ceremony outside of Church walls on a beach.  I think my biggest struggle is trying to please and not disappoint my family who I've always dreamed would be involved in planning my wedding and balancing that with keeping my fiance (who is not a practicing Catholic) happy.  He feels my family is controlling our entire wedding.  In turn, I have been having such internal struggle for the past 3 1/2 months since we got engaged.  The whole process is overwhelming.  My engagement thus far has not been fun, or happy.  I'm looking for advice from someone who has been there and can tell me it will be ok in the end and guide me in my ultimate decision.  My mother and I have met with a therapist and the priest my fiance and I are working with.  I want to know we are making the right choice, and that everyone will be happy with the outcome.  What anniversary date do you even celebrate with two weddings?  Any insight is much needed and appreciate.  Looking for a ray of light.

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• right1thistime member

  

  September 2013

  2011 archeology

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• photokitty mod

  

  September 2013

  leesmorris said:

  Your story matches mine so closely!  My fiance was married in 2002 and divorced in 2008.  Once he proposed, we began the annulment process.  I didn't realize how much paperwork would be involved - or the time frame we were looking at.  I was raised a strict Catholic and although I am more lenient, my family unfortunately is not.  There has never been a divorce in my family - not even extensive family.  I feel like my family is frowning on my situation - especially since he has two little boys.  My family is pushing me to wait until the annulment goes through before we marry.  We thought we would compromise and have a civil ceremony (on the beach) like we've always dreamed and then have a Catholic wedding in the Church when the annulment goes through.  We considered this especially since the Church will not allow you to set a date, which really limits planning - unsure how long we'd be looking at.  Then there would be the second hurdle of attempting to get the Bishop to approve a wedding ceremony outside of Church walls on a beach.  I think my biggest struggle is trying to please and not disappoint my family who I've always dreamed would be involved in planning my wedding and balancing that with keeping my fiance (who is not a practicing Catholic) happy.  He feels my family is controlling our entire wedding.  In turn, I have been having such internal struggle for the past 3 1/2 months since we got engaged.  The whole process is overwhelming.  My engagement thus far has not been fun, or happy.  I'm looking for advice from someone who has been there and can tell me it will be ok in the end and guide me in my ultimate decision.  My mother and I have met with a therapist and the priest my fiance and I are working with.  I want to know we are making the right choice, and that everyone will be happy with the outcome.  What anniversary date do you even celebrate with two weddings?  Any insight is much needed and appreciate.  Looking for a ray of light.

  @leesmorris This is an old thread, but I feel your pain and what to offer my $0.02 on your pleas for advice... :-)

  You need to do some serious soul searching. I did and I opted not to get married in the Catholic church. As a result I have effectively decided to convert to Protestant...still trying to decide which one. I never had a crisis of faith, but I had a huge crisis of Dogma and it led to me not feeling welcome or included in the Catholic church.

  
  

  You need to realize you will not come to a conclusion where everyone will be happy with the outcome. You need to decide which outcome YOU will be happy with - whether that's with him or with the church or you two can find a compromise.

  
  

  The annulment process is not fun - another reason why I had a crisis of Dogma. I come from a very Catholic family and luckily they supported me because of my reason for leaving my ex. You're FI will have to agree to certain things and go to precana should you decide to get married in the church. Is he even willing to do this?

  
  

  Good Luck! You have some difficult decisions to make. But remember life is too short to be unhappy and God loves you, even if the Catholic church doesn't end up being the right fit for you.

  ~xoxo~

  
  

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