1st of all...

meg9986 · October 2009

First of all (before I ask for more advice) I want to apologize for barley ever posting, being so random and seeking out advice when I need it!Second of all, I am having a little personal crisis with the guest list and need a place to ask for some advice! My fiance's parents on divorced, which automatically makes things more complicated, but really make the guest list more complicated. He has 2 families, I have 1. I almost feel a little ripped off, which is terrible and I feel horrible that I feel that way! But right now out count is at 165 between the 2 families. But I have friends that I want at my wedding, people that want to see me get married and I want them to be there. But the count is so high with family and our parents friends. So I am wondering why our PARENTS friends get the be there, but now all of mine? (they ARE paying for most of it so I don't feel comfortable telling my dad to cut people when he is dishing out so much money.) ANYWAY, I guess my thing is this, would it be inappropriate to invite my work friends, and NOT have them bring a guest, even if they are married. At this point I feel ike it is the only way to do it. I am going to talk to a couple of them and see how they feel. Has anyone had this problem? Any advice would be super appricaited! Sorry this is so long, once I start typing, I just get carried away sometimes!Thanks ladies!

Ms.BriarRose · October 2009

First of all, we don't mind random posting- we welcome everyone

And sorry this is so long!Second, I understand where you are coming from, but from the opposite perspective. My family is HUGE (my dad is one of 5 and my mom is one of 7, and they are divorced as well), so with lots of cousins that have to be invited, it can get a little daunting! My FI, on the other hand, has a very small family (FFIL is only child, and FMIL is one of 4 but she's the only one with kids), and most of them will most likely not be able to come as they live all across the US (OH and further). So, I understand both sides, and how guilty I feel and how he feels jipped.First off, I know that your dad is helping to pay, but I am going to say this anyway- It's YOUR wedding. The only reason I feel comfortable saying that is my parents are also paying for our wedding (my dad for the entire reception), and I had to have the convesation with both of them that we were going to invite people that have great meaning to FI and I. Granted, I am not going to leave my grandmother with no one to talk to, and same with my mom, so we will be inviting a few of our parents/grandparents friends, but not a whole lot of them. But I had to convey to them, nicely of course, that there are joint friends that we want there, and either the guest list goes up or their friends get cut. Since it's OUR wedding, I really wanted to convey to them that people that mean alot to US need to be there. There are ways to do it- just sit down and think about it, maybe write it out.And maybe you need to ask, if they are having so many of their friends come, why can't you invite yours as well? Or tell all parents the rule that we did- if they want someone there that we don't know or has no important bearing on our relationship, then our parents must pay for their friends in addition to whatever they might be graciously contributing. You know what? That went over very well- in fact, my dad's response was "this is your two's day, and whatever you want, I want for you. I won't push my wantings on you." If you do it in a gracious manner, they usually are very understanding.Now, if you want to invite co-workers, the rule of thumb we are going by for everyone is: married, engaged, living together or dating over a year gets a date. Other than that, you come stag. We are making a few exceptions (if someone knows no one else, like FI's best maid, then she can bring a date), but other than that, sorry- we don't have the money for everyone, and we don't really want your "flavor of the week" at our wedding (which is what some cousins would do!). I don't know if that helps you or not, but I hope so. If there are not that many extras to add from your co-workers, could you ask your dad if he doesn't mind the extra cost, or maybe do a B list as well? Remember, 10-20% of your guest list will decline, and it will be people you are surprised are declining. There is a girl on the Philly board who invited 225+, and only 150 are coming- so don't be so worried yet, you may have room for them after all!

meg9986 · October 2009

Thanks! That does help, I definitely do not mind the long posts! I knew there was an average percentage of people who decline, but I was not sure what it was, so thanks for that too! Have a great day everyone!

sarah122481 · October 2009

Ditto what Brit said about the declines. We invited 235 people, and we have about 150 coming. I thought it was going to be at least 180 people. But then again we are getting married on Halloween, so that's why a few people declined. So you never know, my florist was sure we would have about 200 people.And try talking to your dad...my ex-coworkers were like my 2nd family and my parents understood that (and they're paying for the reception). Hopefully your dad will understand or at least you can do a B-list of guests. GL!

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