Am I being unreasonable?

LaBelleFemme · October 2009

So my Matron of Honor told me that she wants to leave our wedding at some point to take her 18 month old son Trick or Treating (getting married on Halloween). I am not really sure how to react to this. I have been struggling with this all week long, trying to understand, talking to other friends who have kids the same age, trying to not get too upset. I had given her many options of other things to do that are NOT after I have walked down the aisle, but her & her husband seem to be set on taking him house to house in some random town (they live in a different state than us). Their reasoning is that he likes to do things with other kids. Yes, we are having kids at our wedding, I'm doing bags for them, we are a having a huge trick or treat table, masks, etc. I am really, really trying to be understanding, but she is my MOH!! I have not asked her to do anything else except buy a dress & show up at our wedding. That is it! And now she wants to leave during that time for a minimum of an hour and a half to take her toddler trick or treating. I sent her an e-mail saying that I was really upset, but am going to call her tomorrow night. I couldn't talk to her before because I was WAY too upset, but have calmed down some since the initial shock. None of my other friends with children are making a big deal about this, but she is. Can anyone give me some sort of argument in her favor? Everyone here is very reasonable, so I appreciate it. Less than 20 days to go, didn't see this coming! Thanks in advance!

nefariousmoon · October 2009

...wow...thats all I can say. I mean in her defense.. possibly... is it his first time trick-or-treating? (if it is I could see it being a big deal to have him go trick or treating...but still...not cool) Is she one of those parents that obsess about every tiny thing? (if so then there is not much you can do save really getting into it with her) umm...lets see...is your wedding going to be in Salem, Mass? (it is soo jelous...Salem is one of the best places for Halloween and I could see her wanting him to see a full throttle halloween...but still messed up) Does she know about all the things you have set up for him and the other kids? (if not she may change her mind on the spot) well thats all I got. I would try to reason with her though...try not to scream and yell. I would be irked too. Remind her that she has know about this sense x date, and she agreed to come. And that she is your MOH you want and need her there for you. And that she will bringing her child around in an unknown area...not excatally safe. If that doesnt work...maybe get some masks for the adults to ware and the kids can "trick or treat" all the guests at the reception...just hand out some candy to each guest before hand...or at each table....maybe that would be a compermise.. and everyone would get a kick out of it. Hope this helps....just try to reason with her...and if all else fails... remember it is your day and just carry on without her.

amblizman · October 2009

Let me think of all of the things I remember from when I was 18 months old... oh, wait- nothing. If it's just her putting up the fight, I'd agree with pp. If it's the little guy, I like the idea about letting him trick or treat around the reception. It's along the same principal of why I never understand when parents take babies to places like Disneyland; he's probably not going to remember any of it when he grows up.

morticia7867 · October 2009

I agree with the pp. if her kid is a toddler, he won't even remember if he went trick or treating. I don't remember any of my trick or treating adventures before the age of 4 or 5! And you have bags for the kids and candy at the reception, how much candy does he/she need (you know if the kid is a toddler that the parents are going to eat a majority of the candy anyways!). I think it's unreasonable for her to leave the reception to take her kid trick or treating, especially in an unknown neighborhood (talk about safety issues!) Good luck and please keep us posted

)

tmm140 · October 2009

Yeah you are definately not being unreasonable. My sister dressed my niece and nephew up but didn't take them around. She could dress up her son and let him hang out in the reception in costume (if you don't mind of course!) It almost sounds like SHE wants the candy. A 18month old shouldn't be eating candy unless she wants him to have screwed up teeth.

hollieheidi · October 2009

Speaking as a mother of 3.....there are sometimes where us as mothers do things that are unreasonable in the name of motherhood and not everyone sees it our way. With that said, I do think you are taking this a little too seriously. #1 - the only duty the MOH has is during your wedding to be there for you as your witness, she is under no obligation to perform any other duties at your reception unless you two have previously agreed on such duties#2 - I took my kids trick or treating from birth...Halloween is one of my favorite holidays as it obviously is for all of us here. It's not about them eating the candy or even being able to say Trick or Treat. Once you have children it becomes about a "family" activity. I can't wait to see how many of you wait until your kids are 5 or 6 and can eat the candy and say trick or treat before you take them...not many I'm sure#3 - I'm sure she feels like leaving for an hour or so you won't even miss her as her duties will be over at that point. What does she have to be there for you for during your reception? You should be socializing with your other guests, dancing with your husband, eating cake.....she shouldn't be expected to be at your side all night long#4 - Maybe the reaction is because there are only 20 days to go???? Everyone is stressed at this point and small things seem HUGE! I think that your feelings are valid though. It's how you feel whether or not we think you're being reasonable or unreasonable. I think that calmly letting her know that you would prefer for her to stay and there will be plenty of Halloween related things to do she may reconsider, but if not you have to decide if this is a dealbreaker for your friendship. Don't let it bother you because you have too many other things going on right now. I'm sure in the end you'll be so busy that this won't even be an issue....don't let it stress you now...you've come too far!Happy Wedding! Can't wait to see the pics....sounds like it'll be a great time!

Future Mrs Butterworth · October 2009

Well, when all else fails just remember: There's nothing you can do about it now. She's obviously made up her mind, and now amount of WTF on your end will help the situation, justified or not. So just thank her for attending your wedding and let her go. You'll be married and partying, and really you'll have a million things going on. You'll probably not notice her missing. I know it's not much, but it's really the best way to look at the situation.

TurtlesAllTheWayDown · October 2009

Does it seem dangerous to anyone else to take your baby trick-or-treating in an unfamiliar town?Is she coming back to the reception? If she sneaks out for an hour, I'd let it slide, but I probably wouldn't be that happy either.

angiewuest02 · October 2009

What we are doing is allowing kids/adults to dress up after the reception (since quiet a few people with kids are coming in from out of town). We are doing a halloween goodie bag with glow bracelets/toys/candy for the kids who are staying. If it was someone who wasnt integral for the ceremony i could see them leaving...but being the MOH she shoudl have brought this up well in advance. good luck!

Am I being unreasonable?

Re: Am I being unreasonable?

Choose Another Board

Search Boards