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Love Languages

BekahL90BekahL90 member
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in Christian Weddings
Have any of you ladies ever heard of the 5 Love Languages? (Physical touch, Words of affirmation, Gifts, Acts of service, Quality time)
Knowing how each of us give/recieve love has been an absolute relationship saver for FI and I! 

So I was curious, what are your and your FI's love languages? How do your love languages affect your relationship? 

My FI's love language is words of affirmation. He really needs me to verbalize how I feel about him. If I tell him how much he means to me, that I'm proud of him, or that I think he's doing a good job on something, he will be on cloud 9 all day! My love language is quality time (with physical touch as a close second). What I really want is for him to spend time with me. When he clears his busy schedule just to call me up and spend the evening talking, it means the world to me! How about the rest of you ladies?
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Re: Love Languages

  • fpaemp2011fpaemp2011 member
    5 Love Its First Anniversary First Answer Name Dropper
    edited February 2012
    Both of ours are physical touch and quality time.  Neither of us finds gifts very important, partially because we were poor college students for so long, and words of affirmation, while valued, don't really "do it" for either of us.  Now, for DH, words of affirmation was right below touch & quality time, while acts of service came in third for me.  If he were to rub my back for 30 minutes and then clean up the kitchen or something, I would just melt.  
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  • yodacubyodacub member
    First Comment First Anniversary
    Quality time came up high for both of us, but that's in part due to living far apart and cherishing our time together.  For me it would be top anyway though.  FI was pretty equal between quality time, physical touch, and words of affirmation. 
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  • AllyG303AllyG303 member
    First Anniversary Combo Breaker First Comment
    FI's is acts of service...when I did a questionnaire for it, I actually got equal parts of all 5, so I guess I don't have a specific love language. 
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  • ElisabethJoanneElisabethJoanne member
    5 Love Its First Comment
    I have heard of this my whole life. If that way of thinking helps your relationship, great. But don't think it's some sort of objective reality or magic bullet for all relationship problems, which is how it can be presented.
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  • BekahL90BekahL90 member
    First Comment
    I'm not saying that it will fix all problems. I was just saying that it's helped us a lot. We've had times where I've been frustrated because I felt like he didn't love me, and he was frustrated because he felt like he was doing everything he could to show me that he loved me but I just didn't seem to get it. When we realized that the way we express love tends to be differnt, I was able to recognize the things he was doing to show me love and he was able to recognize what he needed to do to make me feel most loved.
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  • Bett2012Bett2012 member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    We're both Quality Time, but FI is even more so Physical Touch and somewhat Words of Affirmation. I'm also gifts... but not monetary, like a note left in my pocket or a text message in the day saying he's thinking of me.

    Actually, we had a conversation about this tonight - I'm not sure if it's because we're not married and I'm just so scared of crossing the boundaries we've put in place, but I have a hard time responding or specifically initiating physical touch right now. I want to especially since I know it's important to FI, but something holds me back.

    It's important to have constant communication about these things. We often have a "how are we doing" talk about how we are speaking each others' love languages, specifically the ones we don't share :)
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  • ElisabethJoanneElisabethJoanne member
    5 Love Its First Comment
    Oh, I wasn't referring to anything here. Like I said, I've heard about the book my entire life. I've seen people get too caught up in it. If it helps some individuals, great. Everyone just needs to recognize it's a Christian self-help book/system. Like all Christian self-help books/systems, it'll "click" with some people, but not with others.
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  • fpaemp2011fpaemp2011 member
    5 Love Its First Anniversary First Answer Name Dropper
    edited February 2012
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_christian-weddings_love-languages?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:464687ae-7bc1-4360-9aea-999e11f1e1adDiscussion:b02955c6-0922-4d16-ae4b-a74f7d08f148Post:075be073-1f20-4d03-9982-9d03563c2a9e">Re: Love Languages</a>:
    [QUOTE]I'm not sure if it's because we're not married and I'm just so scared of crossing the boundaries we've put in place, but I have a hard time responding or specifically initiating physical touch right now. I want to especially since I know it's important to FI, but something holds me back.
    Posted by Bett2012[/QUOTE]
    <div>We had VERY conservative boundaries before we got married.  We took "the quiz" soon after we started dating, and knowing that physical touch was so high ranking for both of us actually helped us set up guidelines so we wouldn't cross those boundaries.</div><div>
    </div><div>Also, to Bekah and those who aren't married yet, be aware that your Love Language(s) may shift around a bit after you're married.  Both of us took the quiz about a month ago, and compared it to the one we had saved from our pre-marital counseling (which was the same as when we started dating).  Acts of Service is much higher for me now, and Words of Affirmation had gone up for DH a bit, too.  </div>
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  • AshNoel8AshNoel8
    First Comment
    Mine is Quality Time with Physical Touch close behind. H's is Acts of Service. We really like the love languages. It definitely helps us to understand how to show each other our love. 
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  • azdancer8azdancer8 member
    First Comment
    Mine have shifted a bit since meeting DH - physical touch used to be WAY down on my list.

    In order from highest to lowest:
    Me - quality time, physical touch, words of affirmation, acts of service, gifts
    DH - physical touch, quality time, acts of service, gifts, words of affirmation (my best guess based on what I've learned ;) )
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  • GunzNRoses213GunzNRoses213 member
    First Comment

    I forget what ours were but they were very similar , he gave me the book the read after like our 2nd date and we talked about it after I had read it . We really like the author who also has another book Things I Wish I Knew Before I got Married or somehting like that it has a blue cover we read that a few months later..Really good stuff.

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  • cwill6212cwill6212 member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    FI is definitely Acts of Service.  While he says that mine should be Words of Affirmation, according to my quiz, my love language is tied between QT and Touch. I think regardless of you and your partner's strongest language, it is important to give and show love in all 5 languages and in a variety of ways. The most important thing is that my FI how much he means to me and vice versa.
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  • BMcLeodTeamBMcLeodTeam member
    5 Love Its First Anniversary Combo Breaker First Comment
    I am very heavily acts of service. FI is a mix of physical touch and words of affirmation.
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  • AshNoel8AshNoel8
    First Comment
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_christian-weddings_love-languages?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:464687ae-7bc1-4360-9aea-999e11f1e1adDiscussion:b02955c6-0922-4d16-ae4b-a74f7d08f148Post:e8881a5e-a22c-479d-b86c-f5da702afd56">Re: Love Languages</a>:
    [QUOTE]I forget what ours were but they were very similar , he gave me the book the read after like our 2nd date and we talked about it after I had read it . We really like the author who also has another book <strong>Things I Wish I Knew Before I got Married or somehting like that </strong>it has a blue cover we read that a few months later..Really good stuff.
    Posted by GunzNRoses213[/QUOTE]

    <div>
    </div><div>We read that! We really liked it. </div>
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  • naomikbnaomikb member
    Combo Breaker First Comment
    I'm halfway through the book, but my languages are Words of Affirmation and Acts of Service.  H is Physical Touch and Words of Affirmation.

    Once I finish it, my H is going to read it so we haven't had a ton of discussion about it yet.  I do know he was surprised that Physical Touch is so low down on my list - I knew it was high on his, I don't think he realized how low of a priority it is for me, which sounds weird and awkward but it's true.
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  • mattycammattycam member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Comment
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_christian-weddings_love-languages?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural Wedding BoardsForum:464687ae-7bc1-4360-9aea-999e11f1e1adDiscussion:b02955c6-0922-4d16-ae4b-a74f7d08f148Post:23390218-76ba-4ebd-90f7-7aeded84eef4">Re: Love Languages</a>:
    [QUOTE] In order from highest to lowest: Me - quality time, physical touch, words of affirmation, acts of service, gifts [/QUOTE]

    This is mine as well
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