RANT [baby-momma drama!] LONG!

ldevietro · October 2009

So, this might be sort of long but *hopefully* I can get this all out in a relatively short rant, so here goes:DH has 2 daughters from previous relationships. When I met DH I knew this about him from the get-go, I was okay with it and decided to date him because he was/is! a WONDERFUL man. For the last four years we have had the kids about 50/50 with their mothers, we have them Wednesday, Thursday, Saturday & Sunday. Which if we are being all technical is more than 50%..Anyways. I have always gotten along GREAT with his daughters and the older daughters mother. She LOVES me, and thanks God everyday that I came in to her daughters life (she says this to me), we go to all her school functions together, cheerleading stuff, we carpool! I have NO complaints about that. It's this other baby-mama who from the get-go has had problems with anything and everything we do. Let me give you a teeny tiny bit of background info on them, they dated for 5 years, got engaged, she said she wanted to have a baby before they got married, she got knocked up, dumped him the DAY she found she was pregnant and said that she was a lesbian and her and her gf who she was cheating with wanted a baby! SOOO, not the fairytale ending he was hoping for I guess.So, they went their separate ways, she never allowed him to go to any appts while she was pregnant and called him 3 days after his daughter was born. He brought her to court for joint custody and was awarded that. Ever since he has had her on his scheduled days, pays child support, pays for extra curricular activities, etc. Flash forward like 8 months, I come in to the picture. So this lil angel has known me practically her whole life. I have ALWAYS respected her role as the mother and never tried to step over any boundaries, we ask permission to do certain things to ok it with her mom, we never take her out of state without an agreement, etc. etc. This is what I do for a living, I’m the Assistant Clerk of a Court that deals with children’s matters. So, I take all the precautionary steps that I feel will keep everything on the up & up. The mother has taken us to court SIX times to try and say things like DH isn’t a good father; we don’t take care of her, etc. etc. ALL of the cases have been UNFOUNDED, I have had DCF show up at my house on numerous occasions to look at my beautiful 3 bedroom, 3 bathrooms, town house where each girl has their own bedroom and they LAUGH. In fact the mother once got herself in trouble because they then went to look at her house, and where does this 30 yr old live? In her moms basement! So, through the years we have had many, many problems and i have ALWAYS taken the higher road, even at difficult times. So, I posted a few pro pics from our wedding on my facebook and she saw them. (Which I’m still confused about b/c she isn’t my friend on there?)..and there was a picture of DH, ME, and DH's 2 daughters, my STEP DAUGHTERS and for a caption I wrote: 'Our New Blended Family’. And everyone on DH's side of the fam wrote things like welcome to the family,etc. ect. WELL, apparently SHE didn't approve. She ranted and raved all over the place saying that is not our family and she’s her mother. ..and she has ONCE again threatened to take DH's daughter away from us..so I guess the real test will be if she gets dropped off this Saturday or not..and if not we must venture in to Court again which just sucks..its cost money..which we would pay ANY amount to keep her around, we would do ANYTHING. it takes time..like at least 5 weeks...which is 5 weeks of not seeing her which only affects the child! So needless to say my DH is in tears and I am furious that she is digging around dirt just to stir stuff up and most of all, Im the one with the least power, and I feel like there’s nothing I can do!

CTGirl30 · October 2009

I'm sorry you're going through that. About the FB photos - she may have been able to see them if you haven't set your photo album privacy settings to "Friends Only." You have to do that for each album you create on your page, otherwise people who are NOT your FB friends can view your photos.

Agey310 · October 2009

Wow! What a situation. Keep your head up and stay positive. It sounds like this woman will be unhappy no matter what you and your husband do. At the end of the day all you can do is give that little girl as much love and support as possible. Good luck!

SuMmErKuTiE · October 2009

Ughh that is an awful situation. I'm so glad that you know how to handle all the court stuff and know how that all works because if I was in your situation I would have no clue where to start to look and see how I could go about being seen as the victim and not the instigator which she certainly is being! She sounds like a crazy mess! You guys will get through this, your DH is this little girls father and that will never change. You guys just keep loving her to pieces!! :0)I agree with pp, on Facebook you have to set up privacy options on each photo album or anyone who's a friend of a friend of a friend can see your pictures. All you have to do is tag a friend of yours that is also a friend of hers and she can see the whole album or all someone has to do is "like" the photo or comment on a photo and again the person who is friends with them can click on the picture and then view the whole album!

ldevietro · October 2009

Thank you guys for all the support! It took me everything in my power yesterday to stay focused at work and not want to cry all day long. I am trying to not let her win in the sense that she wants me to break down! And she wants it to cause problems between my DH and I. My DH and I have made a vow not to let it come between us because it is not OUR fight. She is just jealous and/or unhappy in her life. I also just found out she conned another man in to getting her pregnant for her and her NEW/DIFFERENT lesbian lover! So, he'll be in the same boat as us in no time.Also, Thank you for telling me about how to keep the facebook albumn private, I had NO idea. And I do have some friends who are friends with her, so now I know I need to put that on lockdown. I saw this AM that she took a pic of me and her daughter and cropped me out, LOVELY!

Vikki2pay · October 2009

I'm so sorry to hear, I'm sure you're doing what you can but some people just thrive on DRAMA.

banana468 · October 2009

The best thing you can do here (as you probably know) is to DOCUMENT, DOCUMENT, DOCUMENT.I'd encourage your husband to say that this most certainly IS a blended family and you ARE the step mother. That doesn't mean you're mom - it DOES mean that this child is in your family.Beyond that, I'd also consult an attorney and make sure that what you two are doing is to the letter of the law. If it is, if I were your husband, I'd say, "Saturday is OUR day by COURT ORDER. If she's not there on time on Saturday we'll have no choice but to pursue further litigation."She doesn't get to change the legal proceedings if she doesn't like you. As awful as it is, SHE is doing this.The only other advice I can offer is to be as positive as possible in front of the children and to not bring up her mother at all...and if you do only make it positive.

MsSunshine · October 2009

I'm so sorry to hear what you and DH are going through. She is jealous because her life isn't going the way she wanted. She doesn't realize that this is not only affecting you, DH, and her sister but it's affecting her. I agree with banana468 on how to handle it. Good luck!

Betsy_K · October 2009

So sorry to hear you are going though all this b-s. You may want to check with your attorney but I think if DH's baby mamma doesn't drop the kid off with in a few hours of the set time you two have the right to call the cops on her. A bit dramatic but it could put a stop a stop to some of her antics if she knew what will happen if she DOESN'T comply with the court order. Good Luck with all of this. And when it gets tough just be glad it's only going on with one of the mammas not both of them.

RANT [baby-momma drama!] LONG!

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