MOH didn't order dress on time

jallen5225 · February 2012

My bridesmaids ordered their dresses last Sept and they came in January. My MoH kept putting it off saying she was too busy and kept forgetting. She passed the time to order in in the dress shop so I found it online for her and she had to order it online. It's due to come in the mail the week of my wedding and I'm freaking out. What if it doesn't come in time, what if it doesn't fit?
Should I tell my MoH if she doesn't have the dress in time she can't be in the wedding? What about the bridal pictures? Or should I just wait and see what happens? I feel like I should give her a heads up that if it's not here or doesn't fit she can't be apart of it.

modcbride · February 2012

It seems a little extreme to tell her she can't be in the pictures. Since she's the MOH maybe its ok for her dress to be a little different than the other girls. What colors are your wedding? For example, you could tell her to find a lighter shade than the dresses teh bridesmaids are wearing, so she could stand out and be different, but it would be fine because she's the MOH.

AmandaSC1988 · February 2012

Why would she be in your bridal pictures? Why does that matter? If you are going to kick her out because she doesn’t have the right dress…take a step back and see the big picture for a minute. Being matchy-matchy and Having the picture perfect BP is more important than a friendship? Clearly you think she is special because you asked her to be a MOH. TBH, the MOH can wear something completely different than the rest of the BP and no one will bat an eye…. Many brides have their MOHs wear something entirely different in the first place. If I were you, instead of threatening to kick her out of the wedding, I would look for a different off the rack dress that goes well with it all. If the other dress comes in… GREAT… if not… SO what?! No one will care except you.

Is a dress worth destroying a friendship?

meganb1977 · February 2012

What a hassle and a worry, but I definitely would NOT exclude her from the wedding if her dress doesn't come in on time! Yes the dress is important, and she should have ordered it by the deadline, but it's trivial in the long run compared to your relationship with her which is more valuable.

You could obtain a color swatch (even if you take one of the BM's dresses to the paint department at Lowe's or Home Depot and get a color strip) and if her dress doesn't come in time she could try to find something off the rack at a department store to match as closely as possible, or she could wear something neutral like gray or mocha and add an accessory(ies) in your wedding color, and then hopefully she could return the dress she ordered online. Agree with pp that it will fine and actually might look good if her dress is a little different.

If she hasn't already, she also has nothing to lose by contacting the place where she ordered her dress, as in calling them and speaking to an actual person and a supervisor if she has trouble, and sweet talk them to see if there is anything that can be done to get her dress in sooner, even if she has to pay extra fees for a rush order and expedited shipping (her responsibility since she could have avoided the extra fees by ordering on time!)

If it doesn't fit she will need to find a seamstress who can accommodate her timeline, find a way to make it work with pins/spanx/etc., or find something else to wear.

jallen5225 · February 2012

No one will care except me and I'm the most important person that day.

I think i'm also really hurt that she is making me stress. I have not asked her for one thing except to buy the dress. The girls picked the dresses out and i chose the color. I thought that was reasonable.

And I don't feel like I am messing up a freindship over a dress. The bigger picture behind this is that I needed her to do one thing and she couldn't do it and that's what hurts the friendship. Not the dress itself.

meganb1977 · February 2012

Of course you care and it was important to you and you're hurt, because you're right that it wasn't too much to ask, in fact, that's the only thing ladies in the wedding party are responsible for and you were reasonable. You're right that she should have been more responsible and this has caused you stress you didn't need.

But in spite of that, the bigger picture is the relationship, not the dress. Wouldn't you be just as hurt, or even more, if the situation was reversed and someone decided to exclude you from her wedding party just because your dress didn't match?

AmandaSC1988 · February 2012

HA! It is all about you? Your feelings are the only ones that matters? I dare you to go post this on another board. See the kind of feedback you here there. HAHA. People get busy and have lives that don’t revolve around your wedding! I am normally a busy person and between work, school, and other obligations, I was lucky to have one afternoon to myself a week. I could have seen myself missing a few deadlines because that wasn’t what I was thinking about. Maybe money is a problem, it is very embarrassing to talk about it if you are having problems, and sometimes you feel obligated to agree with the majority when they all like a dress out of your price range.

Get over yourself and don’t stress over stuff you can’t control. You sound really materialistic if you are going to end a friendship over a dress.

Honeybumble · February 2012

You're taking it too far by threatening to kick her out of the WP. You need to look at the bigger picture here, and choose your battles. You're concerned about your photos looking bad?? Wow! My MOH walked out on me 2 weeks ago. If your MOH wearing *gasp* a different dress is the worst thing to happen to your wedding plans, consider yourself lucky!

jallen5225 · February 2012

Wow ladies thanks for your critques. i thought this was a supposed to be a helpful forum not a bashing session. Guess i was wrong.

quiggels219 · February 2012

I will say I'd be pissed off too. Especially if you gave them ample time, it's kinda irresponsible on her part and I'd also feel like if she really cared she would have gotten it on time, that's how I'd feel in your shoes so I think it's reasonable you're upset. I also agree that your wedding day is mainly about you and fi - an I'm hoping you just worded your feelings on that topic badly because you were having a down moment. It's not all about you, but a lot of it is and for the most part you should be happy, within reason. I think you lucked out your moh made the mistake because she can really wear anything. My moh is wearing an entirely different color and style - it's done all the time. She is in one wedding color while the rest are in the other - they just all have the same fabric and designer. So like everyone said I wouldn't kick her out and I would say find a back up that meshes if you want I'll go looking with you and I would also express that you were bummed about the dress situation and see what she says. I wouldn't harp on it or get mad, but I would let her know it hurt your feelings and move on. GL!

rlavach · February 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_april-2012-weddings_moh-didnt-order-dress-on-time?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:05427f07-4ba2-44d6-9271-99a7af1ee5c0Discussion:177e1c98-4fcf-4e37-9f2b-ef410f0f8629Post:7797d5c9-3248-4011-999c-22ed0cfc0cff">Re: MOH didn't order dress on time</a>:
[QUOTE]No one will care except me and<strong> I'm the most important person that day. I think i'm also really hurt that she is making me stress.</strong> I have not asked her for one thing except to buy the dress. The girls picked the dresses out and i chose the color. I thought that was reasonable. And I don't feel like I am messing up a freindship over a dress. The bigger picture behind this is that I needed her to do one thing and she couldn't do it and that's what hurts the friendship. Not the dress itself.
Posted by jallen5225[/QUOTE]
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:8.5pt;">Two problems right there. The mindset of 'I'm the most important person that day' is erroneous. If you were, the whole world would be waiting on you hand & foot. This is a day about you and your FI joining in marriage and celebrating with your friends/family. It is about BOTH of you AND your families.</span></p> <p style="line-height:10.5pt;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:8.5pt;"> </span></p> <p style="line-height:10.5pt;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:8.5pt;">You're hurt because you're allowing this to stress you. Do you know that my BM still doesn't have a dress. She hasn't even ordered it & our wedding is 2.5 months away. She is dead broke, yet fell in love with a $325 dress (I showed her $75 options). Now she's trying to save her pennies to get it, which I know won't happen. At the last minute she's going to run to Macy's and blow $150 on a dress she doesn't even like. Is it my problem? Nope! As long as she shows up on time & has a pink dress, we'll live.</span></p><p style="line-height:10.5pt;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:8.5pt;">
</span></p><p style="line-height:10.5pt;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:8.5pt;">ETA: Yeah, definitely don't post this on the Etiquette board. You'll get ripped apart. If you think this is bad, you had no idea. The problem with a lot of new posters is that they're looking for internet strangers to validate a bad idea. No one here will do that. Instead, they're going to tell you exactly what you DON'T want to hear. Unfortunately, it's the blunt truth.</span></p>

AmandaSC1988 · February 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_april-2012-weddings_moh-didnt-order-dress-on-time?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding Club BoardsForum:05427f07-4ba2-44d6-9271-99a7af1ee5c0Discussion:177e1c98-4fcf-4e37-9f2b-ef410f0f8629Post:97b0ed01-7e0b-495d-8e28-fa8d7cd2977c">Re: MOH didn't order dress on time</a>:
[QUOTE]Wow ladies thanks for your critques. i thought this was a supposed to be a helpful forum not a bashing session. Guess i was wrong.
Posted by jallen5225[/QUOTE]

This is the internet. No one is going to tell you that your terrible idea is justified. it is mean and rude to kick people out of your wedding...expecially for something that doesn't really matter. People's feelings MATTER. Dresses DON"T MATTER

lynchaa · February 2012

I would be super pissed too. I think there are other options than kicking her out of the BP. Find a similar dress in the same color? Have her stand out by being in a slightly diferent colored dress? It could still look great in the pictures. I also agree that if you can't be somewhat mature & supportive in expressing your opinions to the asker, keep your unhelpful answers to yourself.

blgrout · February 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_april-2012-weddings_moh-didnt-order-dress-on-time?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding Club BoardsForum:05427f07-4ba2-44d6-9271-99a7af1ee5c0Discussion:177e1c98-4fcf-4e37-9f2b-ef410f0f8629Post:97b0ed01-7e0b-495d-8e28-fa8d7cd2977c">Re: MOH didn't order dress on time</a>:
[QUOTE]Wow ladies thanks for your critques. i thought this was a supposed to be a helpful forum not a bashing session. Guess i was wrong.
Posted by jallen5225[/QUOTE]

This is actually one of the nicer/tamer boards on TK. I know it can seem harsh when people tell their opinion like it is with no sugar coating, but if you ask for an opinion, then you're gonna get it and it might not be the answer you like.

I can see why you're pissed, but as other posters have said, in the long run, how much is going to matter. If you and your FI are married at the end of your wedding day, does your MOH being in a different dress matter?

And I also agree with whomever suggested that you don't post on the ettiquette board. There are some very brash unfiltered opinions on there and are FAR more harsh than anything these ladies have said.

cgyvhu · February 2012

1 - I agree that it sucks that she didnt order in time. I mean, bridesmaids have no jobs other than to order the dress, stand up in the wedding, and hold the bouquet, really. So the fact she couldnt do that sucks. I'd be annoyed too.

2- Kicking her out is a really big deal and ends a friendship with your best friend. I'd see if the dress fits. If not, get one off the rack in the same color from the same maker that's a bit different. My MOH is wearing a different dress, no big deal.

3 - It's an internet forum, no one HAS to validate your opinion. IF you want people to keep their opinions to themselves, keep your problems to yourself. (that's for the OP and you, lynchaaa).

mybestfriend4eva · February 2012

WOW this is one of very few times I have seen our board get so heated. That being said I feel there are a few issues here that need to be addressed. First off NO you can not tell her she cant be in the wedding or in the pictures. That is just a major no no. Second I agree that the MOH can totally wear something different just in a color that matches the look. This would allow you to be able to buy something off the rack NOW and have time for alterations if needed. I also want to address the comment that this board is a bashing board. The ladies here couldnt be further from that. Here we are a very helpful but also very opinionated group of women. When you post on here or any other board for that matter you run the risk of someone telling you their opinion which may or may not be the same as yours. No one here was out to get you or hurt feelings they simply gave you their feelings on the situation you posted. So in the future for anyone posting who doesnt already know IF YOU POST ON THESE BOARDS YOU WILL GET FEEDBACK THAT MAY NOT BE WHAT YOU WANT TO HEAR!!! No bashing just honest opinions to help you out on issues you obviously wanted opinons on.

em01092 · February 2012

I'm late. Ditto PPs. Although I must say, had your MOH not ordered the dress at all, you would have found considerably favorable opinions. Not getting the dress= not being in the WP. Getting the dress is the ONE obligation of being a BM, besides showing up sober and smiling for pictures, so if she failed to do that then, well....but I do agree that since she is your MOH and she did order the dress, you can easily make an exception for her.

I would just try to keep this business between you and your MOH if possible. Your BMs may be a little pissed off to hear that the MOH got to wear a neutral shade dress or something for $40 when the others were told to order something $100+, KWIM? Of course this is a hypothetical situation since I have no idea how much your dresses cost, but I know that I, as one of your BMs would be annoyed if I found out. You gave plenty of time and I got the dress, so why couldn't she? The only exception here would be if you chose a dress out of her price range. Then that would be all on you, my friend.

marcellah · February 2012

I had a similar situation, except I was the MOH who had been promised help wtih the $300 dress, and last minute was told I had to foot the whole bill. She told me it was the dress or step down.

I bought the dress anyway, (actually, FI did.)but I'm still so hurt by her lack of desire for ME to be there. I was just her organizer, her model for the dress. I didn't feel like I was important. Just the dress. I highly suggest not kicking her out for a stupid dress.

People > Dress

XxMari518xX · February 2012

<font face="Times New Roman" size="3" color="#000000"> </font><p style="margin:0in 0in 10pt;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="color:#1f1f1f;line-height:115%;font-family:'Arial','sans-serif';font-size:8.5pt;">In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_april-2012-weddings_moh-didnt-order-dress-on-time?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:05427f07-4ba2-44d6-9271-99a7af1ee5c0Discussion:177e1c98-4fcf-4e37-9f2b-ef410f0f8629Post:6c3c802d-8bcd-4291-8755-9fa9b7c516de">Re: MOH didn't order dress on time</a>:
[QUOTE].<strong><span style="font-family:'Arial','sans-serif';"> Get over yourself </span></strong>and don’t stress over stuff you can’t control. You sound really materialistic if you are going to end a friendship over a dress.
Posted by AmandaSC1988[/QUOTE]

I have to admit that comment was a little harsh, along with a few other comments.

Around this time of our weddings nerves are getting frayed, and we are on edge. No one NEEDS to support her decision but there are nicer ways of presenting your opinion and possibly offer constructive criticism.

Ok -- so I know this is adding a ton of stress on your shoulders (obviously or you wouldn't have come here for support).

Now imagine the day of your wedding -- can you imagine your MOH in a different dress? Or is she sitting in the Pew? Is having her in a different dress going to stress you out even more on your wedding day?

You will only have one wedding so whatever decisions made for your wedding day cannot be taken back – there are no redo’s. So make the decision that makes you and your fiancé the happiest.</span></p><font face="Times New Roman" size="3" color="#000000"> </font><p style="margin:0in 0in 10pt;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="color:#1f1f1f;line-height:115%;font-family:'Arial','sans-serif';font-size:8.5pt;">AND if the Etiquette Board is as nasty as it sounds maybe they should read this lovely guide on manners ….. </span></p><font face="Times New Roman" size="3" color="#000000"> </font><p style="margin:0in 0in 10pt;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="color:#1f1f1f;line-height:115%;font-family:'Arial','sans-serif';font-size:8.5pt;"><a href="http://www.wikihow.com/Have-Good-Manners" rel="nofollow">http://www.wikihow.com/Have-Good-Manners</a></span></p><font face="Times New Roman" size="3" color="#000000"> </font>

em01092 · February 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_april-2012-weddings_moh-didnt-order-dress-on-time?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:05427f07-4ba2-44d6-9271-99a7af1ee5c0Discussion:177e1c98-4fcf-4e37-9f2b-ef410f0f8629Post:a893afa9-fddc-49df-a412-68b0dbd7e02e">Re: MOH didn't order dress on time</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: MOH didn't order dress on time : I have to admit that comment was a little harsh, along with a few other comments. Around this time of our weddings nerves are getting frayed, and we are on edge. No one NEEDS to support her decision but there are nicer ways of presenting your opinion and possibly offer constructive criticism. Ok -- so I know this is adding a ton of stress on your shoulders (obviously or you wouldn't have come here for support). Now imagine the day of your wedding -- can you imagine your MOH in a different dress? Or is she sitting in the Pew? Is having her in a different dress going to stress you out even more on your wedding day? You will only have one wedding so whatever decisions made for your wedding day cannot be taken back – there are no redo’s. So make the decision that makes you and your fiancé the happiest. <strong>AND if the Etiquette Board is as nasty as it sounds maybe they should read this lovely guide on manners ….. <a href="http://www.wikihow.com/Have-Good-Manners" rel="nofollow">http://www.wikihow.com/Have-Good-Manners</a></strong>
Posted by XxMari518xX[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>Most of the ladies on E are just honest and don't sugarcoat things. While I agree perhaps Amanda was a little harsh, OP does need to rethink the way she is looking at "her" day, because it ceases to only be about the B&G when they choose to involve others. </div><div>
</div><div>OP, is there anyway your MOH can rush order the dress? Call the company and see if you can add that, if you haven't already. </div><div>
</div><div>Also, I would highly recommend your MOH buying an additional dress, like PP suggested in your accent color or a neutral shade, so that she isn't scrambling for a dress last minute. Then if the one she ordered doesn't come in on time or doesn't fit, she has a backup. </div><div>
</div><div>
</div>

cgyvhu · February 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_april-2012-weddings_moh-didnt-order-dress-on-time?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:05427f07-4ba2-44d6-9271-99a7af1ee5c0Discussion:177e1c98-4fcf-4e37-9f2b-ef410f0f8629Post:a893afa9-fddc-49df-a412-68b0dbd7e02e">Re: MOH didn't order dress on time</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: MOH didn't order dress on time : I have to admit that comment was a little harsh, along with a few other comments. Around this time of our weddings nerves are getting frayed, and we are on edge. No one NEEDS to support her decision but there are nicer ways of presenting your opinion and possibly offer constructive criticism. AND if the Etiquette Board is as nasty as it sounds maybe they should read this lovely guide on manners ….. <a href="http://www.wikihow.com/Have-Good-Manners" rel="nofollow">http://www.wikihow.com/Have-Good-Manners</a>
Posted by XxMari518xX[/QUOTE]

People express their opinions different ways. Unless your appearance is attacked or people call you a derogatory/nasty term, it's fair game on these boards. Like I said before, if posters don't want honesty, they shouldn't post. No one has to sugarcoat their comments just because our weddings are close.

AmandaSC1988 · February 2012

I’m sorry I came across as rude or whatever. But I am not sorry for the comments I made, I don’t tend to sugar coat the issue. The fact of the matter is being a bride does not entitle you to be rude to anyone; friends, family, vendors, post office workers (haha.. I saw that last night at the PO)…etc. This may be an unpopular opinion… but friendships are more important than my wedding, even if my MOH forgot to order her dress and showed up at my wedding in a totally different dress, she would still be my MOH. Having a matching dress does not change how much she means to me. It saddens me when people get so caught up in wedding drama and forget the reason they are in your wedding in the first place.

em01092 · February 2012

Amanda, I agree with what you're saying, but the major obligation of being a BM is get a dress. Parties and showers are not required, but the common agreement is that getting a dress is. It's kind of what you sign up for when you agree to be one. Granted budgets should be discussed to make sure everyone can afford it, and of course certain situations come up such as injury/illness, job loss, and other emergencies which prevent a BM from being able to get or purchase a dress. In these situations, I would be 100% understanding, and if the OPs MOH couldn't get the dress for one of these reasons, it'd be different.

But from what it sounds like, the OP's MOH was just lazy about getting the dress for no good reason (there could be more to her story, I admit), and if I were OP, I guess I'd sort of feel like my MOH didn't care about my wedding. Maybe I shouldn't but I'd take it personally. I say this because MY MOH was also late ordering for no good reason. I had to order it for her, even though I asked her to be my MOH a year in advance (plenty of time to save). Without rush delivery, it was due to come in the week of the wedding, so I had to paid a rush fee. She reimbursed me, but it sucked she had to pay $40 extra for no good reason and I felt like she didn't really want to be in the wedding anymore. She said she did, but her actions said differently.

So essentially this situations sucks all around, but since the MOH actually did order the dress, it's harder for me to say she has removed herself from the WP. Had she just not ordered at all, then my answer would be different and much more simple. But I still stand by the fact that the OP has a right to feel a little slighted because her MOH put getting her dress, her ONE MAJOR obligation besides attending the wedding, on the backburner. If OP was biitching about MOH not attending a shower or throwing her a B-party, or even if she was asking the MOH/BMs to get dresses 9 months out, I'd rip her a new one. But she isn't. I think she has a valid reason to be upset.

lynchaa · February 2012

mdphd, I did not say people need to validate opinions, I said that as a supportive community board, we should try to be mature & kind rather than use the opportunity to put people down.

rlavach · February 2012

Well, I'm now at the 73 day mark and my BM STILL hasn't ordered a dress. She finally admitted to me today that she doesn't think she can afford to get the $325 dress she fell in love with. I'm glad she realized how silly that was.

I sent her a link to the new Target bridesmaid dresses. It's not ideal, but it's in her price range. They don't even have the color I'm looking for. But, since she's more important to me than a stupid dress, I gave her another color option. This should hopefully help her find a dress quicker.

I have so many other much larger & more important problems that I don't have the time to worry about this. It's just not worth it. OP, I know that this is the BM's only responsibility, but just let it go. You can't change it.

inhisname2010 · February 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_april-2012-weddings_moh-didnt-order-dress-on-time?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding Club BoardsForum:05427f07-4ba2-44d6-9271-99a7af1ee5c0Discussion:177e1c98-4fcf-4e37-9f2b-ef410f0f8629Post:97b0ed01-7e0b-495d-8e28-fa8d7cd2977c">Re: MOH didn't order dress on time</a>:
[QUOTE]Wow ladies thanks for your critques. i thought this was a supposed to be a helpful forum not a bashing session. Guess i was wrong.
Posted by jallen5225[/QUOTE]

I agree with you that some of these posts were very harsh in getting their point across...but I think the sentiment is the same. I hope she gets her dress in on time but don't kick her out of the wedding. I would be pissed off also. the world may not revovle around us and our wedding day but if people make a commitment to do something, then do it. But think of the overall friendship...GOOD LUCK

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