Not Engaged Yet

Thinking about what I want.

I'm just asking for an opinion, so please don't attack me like vultures lol I know how tough things can get in here :). Is it bad to think about what you want your wedding to be like (colors, details, etc) if you're not engaged yet? My guy and I have spoken about getting married, the ring is being purchased, etc. Things are only being held up because we are in lack of money, besides that, we would get married tomorrow if we could :). All of that aside, I can't help but think that I can't wait to finally be his MRS. Do you think its bad to preplan (i guess that's what it could be called) your wedding? Like write down the details of what you would like, etc. so that when the time comes it would be a million times easier?

Re: Thinking about what I want.

  • tafft1tafft1 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    i'm mostly in the same boat - me and my boyfriend plan to be engaged before years end and we are already brainstorming different things VERY TENTAVIVELY. Just to get ideas down mostly and i dont think its a bad thing , if anything its good to get it down and discuss it just to get a feel for things because i know things will change but i also know me - i need to plan things out even roughly or i will get overwhelmed later. My advice is to not pre plan necessarily but definitely start writing things down you may want and like to do/have. Just my opinion being in the same boat. Best wishes :)
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  • pinkpinotpinkpinot member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    edited December 2011
    There is nothing wrong with that and anyone that tells you otherwise is lying.  As soon as you start talking marriage and looking at rings it's natural to be curious about envisioning a wedding.  I think it's smart to think ahead in terms of how much things cost etc. 
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  • magsugar13magsugar13 member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    edited December 2011
    First of all, you don't need $$$ to get married. You need money to have a wedding. Big difference~Marriage license is pretty cheap.2ndly. if you have no money please dont get married.
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  • edited December 2011
    I don't find a problem with pre-planning as you described.  In my humble opinion though, it is when girls start putting down deposits or wasting a vendor's time with a 'hypothetical' wedding the line is crossed. 
  • edited December 2011
    Well as you mentioned in an earlier post you put a deposit down on the ring so I assume it is being paid off before you guys get engaged.  So yes thinking of wedding ideas isn't so crazy.  Just please don't buy a dress off the Internet that you've never tried on!
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  • edited December 2011
    No, what you are describing is not crazy. It's normal.As long as you realize things can change and don't get your heart set on anything, you can certainly look around online for ideas and think about wedding colors.Just don't go asking people for recommendations for caterers just yet! That will cause some confusion.But it's totally cool to quietly gather ideas and make an attempt at a cohesive (and tentative) collection of thoughts. But, I promise you-- once you're engaged and start working out the specifics of a budget and guest list, some of those ideas won't fit. So just be ready to be flexible.Good luck! And don't buy anything before you're engaged!
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  • kmmssgkmmssg mod
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    edited December 2011
    Well, let's see.  My DD and SIL decided to get married but the "formal" proposal and ring hadn't happened when we sat down with his parents and the 2 of them.  They told us what they wanted for their wedding and we told them how much help we would be offering. I'm quite certain we had the major vendors booked before they did the "will you marry me/ring thing".  They knew they were going to marry each other, knew what they wanted, we got busy. I see no harm in how you have described it.
  • desertsundesertsun member
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    edited December 2011
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  • angelgurl798angelgurl798 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Magsugar13---The economy sucks right now, we are all experiencing wallet-pinching in some type of way. It's even worse when you have depleted most of your savings to help your elderly parents pay for your brother's funeral who just recently passed away (2 weeks ago). We would love to go JOP but our families' are very traditional & are expecting a church ceremony/reception. I want to honor these wedding requests because I know it would make my parents & my brother in heaven happy. I am their only daughter & it would mean the world to them.
  • edited December 2011
    First of all, no there is nothing wrong with thinking about your wedding day. Still, like Jeana said, you'll probably change your mind when the time actually comes. As far as money saving ideas: -Cake and punch reception -a super small ceremony/reception -a brunch reception All of these things will help keep the cost down. As far as doing what is expected, if you and your bf are paying, you should do whatever you want. My mom is not happy the my ceremony will be super small and intimate. Still, since bf and I are paying, she has no real say in it.
  • angelgurl798angelgurl798 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Thanks guys....we have talked about having an intimate wedding...only close family and friends. Nothing is final, not even planned yet lol after all we aren't even engaged (yet) lol. :)
  • edited December 2011
    I'm sorry about your brother Angel.  There's a lot of ladies here saving up for weddings, myself included.  Good luck!
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  • angelgurl798angelgurl798 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    thanks notquiteblushing
  • edited December 2011
    Also, you don't have to explain why you don't have much money. In these times, many are struggling. Best of luck to you and wishing your family the best.
  • angelgurl798angelgurl798 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    It just aggravated me that some people would just say don't get married if you don't have money, without even knowing the situation.
  • edited December 2011
    Nothing wrong with it. I'm waiting for my "formal" proposal, but our families have been told we are planning a wedding, we have a date set, and we have venues booked. The surprise proposal is something that will be fun, but isn't the be-all-end-all for us. It's not the important part. If you are holding off on getting married for the next 3 years or so, though, you'll probably change your mind. Or if you aren't sure what season you'll get married in, you might change your mind. Outdoor ceremonies and open-toed shoes don't work well in Janaury, in most places, you know?
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  • pinkpinotpinkpinot member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Angel - don't be offended.  Every post by Mag is rude & negative.  Click on her name to read more, I was actually cracking up earlier today.
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  • Cherry393Cherry393 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Hey there :) I am waiting for my ring also and have no clue if my b/f has it yet or not but he asked my parents to marry me so I am waiting for the ring to make it official. We talk about wedding plans and such from time to time and I have though about the basics and some ideas such as colors and the style of the wedding dress..etc. I think its very normal if you and your b/f talk about weddings and have bought a ring, so yeah go ahead and think and get ideas :) I think its best to think about the basic important things and when you get engaged it will make it a bit easier to take from those ideas and make it happen.
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  • NcsuPsychNcsuPsych member
    Combo Breaker First Comment First Anniversary
    edited December 2011
    Angel . . First. . .YAY CONGRATS! :) What you're doing as far as planning goes, is fine. I agree with other posters that I personally wouldnt recommend putting down deposits before being engaged and setting a date as . . A. Things change (I promise you'll probably changes dates twice / we did 5 times so that we could have a date that woudl finally work with both families) B. Things can sometimes get cheaper (work on your negotiation skills I'm also very sorry to hear about your brother. . I send happy and hopeful vibes your way! As far as the snarky comments. . don't pay attention to them. There will ALWAYS be at least one of them.  I have very little money as Im a student (senior) and my Fiance has a fulltime job (he's been out of college for three years) so He's been a huge help with wedding funds (we're sharing costs :) ) . . .We're still going to have the wedding we want and how we want even though its low budget. So just ignore that one comment.Keep your head up and again CONGRATS! :)-Sorry so long-
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  • edited December 2011
    There's a big difference between not having any money at all, and not having money for a wedding.
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  • pinkpinotpinkpinot member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Very true but her question was: is it normal to think/look at wedding stuff before an engagement?
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  • callalily13callalily13 member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    edited December 2011
    my boyfriend and i have been together for 5 years and are soon to be engaged. I have been looking at this website and magazines for some stuff I like and have asked questions of him of what he has liked. It is not weird that you are doing that because even if they wont admit it then i doubt they arent doing the same thing
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  • edited December 2011
    You've already had the conversation, the ring is being purchased...I don't see a problem with looking around, getting ideas, etc. As for setting dates, booking venues, signing contracts, etc., I would wait until after you are officially engaged to do these things.

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