wedding questions

Re: wedding questions

• 2dBride member

  

  October 2009 edited December 2011

  If you converted in the Conservative Movement, you'd probably do better with a Conservative or Reform rabbi.  If you already attend a Reform shul, would the rabbi there be a possibility?  Typically, a Reform rabbi can do a quite traditional wedding if asked, but can still be more flexible than an Orthodox rabbi.

  
  Our wedding bio page (including vendor reviews) and items for sale

  Report0 Reply
• Rebecca Toriello member

  

  October 2009 edited December 2011

  I know this may sound funny but i still want a traditional wedding; it is important to me that friends and family attend, but our friend range from Orthodox Chabadnicks to conservative to reform to folks that dont practice anything. I know  this is my wedding and I should make myself happy but having everyone attend would be good; I don't know it it is possible or probable

  Report0 Reply
• alinaandjared

  

  October 2009 edited December 2011

  I really don't think that a wedding performed by a reform or conservative rabbi is any less traditional than one performed by an orthodox rabbi. Honestly, what "kind" of rabbi you choose can be on a need to know basis for anyone that asks if you feel that having a less "observant" rabbi perform the ceremony will offend someone. This is your wedding and YOUR spiritual practice. Your ceremony will depend mostly on what you want, a conservative rabbi is more than equipped to perform the most traditional of weddings and most women here had very traditional jewish ceremonies. The same is true for a reform rabbi. As far as the reception, thats a different story. Typically in the conservative and reform movement the rabbis don't really run the show at the party, not sure who leads in the separate dancing at orthodox weddings. Will your more religious guests feel out of place? would they not come at all because the dancing is together? Don't feel obligated to convert to Orthodox (do people actually do that? you CONVERT to a different movement?)- this is not only your wedding day but the rest of your life. You should affiliate with whichever movement you feel you and your husband belong to and feel most confortable in. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------

  

  Report0 Reply
• october010bride

  

  October 2009 edited December 2011

  No matter what you domination is, you can still have a traditional wedding. I am having a wedding in a reform shul, done by a conservative rabbi and we are incorporating all traditional aspects of Jewish weddings. I'd look for a conservative rabbi and explain that you want a traditional wedding... you should have no problem having that. GL!

  

  Report0 Reply
• silversparks member

  

  October 2009 edited December 2011

  I think it's most important that your wedding reflects your Judaism - and choosing a rabbi who you can work with and who will respect your decisions to me is a deal breaker. Both DH and I are Conservative clergy/in training, and we had a very "traditional" wedding (with Conservative rabbis). Our family and friends range from non-Jewish to yeshivish black hat. We had a glatt kosher meal (the only kind of kosher available in Toronto catering) and mixed dancing.The kosher category of "glatt" is only applicable to beef, it has to do with making sure there are no lesions on the lungs (it literally means "smooth"). So if you choose to skip the beef and only serve chicken and fish you may be able to avoid the "glatt" issue.One more suggestion - We told those who we thought might be less comfortable with female participation in the ceremony and mixed dancing that this would be happening ahead of time - they appreciated the heads up and they all came to celebrate with us anyway. Sorry for the long post :~

  Warning No formatter is installed for the format bbhtml

  Report0 Reply
• Rebecca Toriello member

  

  October 2009 edited December 2011

  when you had the mixed dancing what type of music did you have we were thinking to include music from the 1950's to current, but I am not sure how the black hat would like that will we have to tone the reception down a bit

  Report0 Reply
• alinaandjared

  

  October 2009 edited December 2011

  I think you need to have a reception to please YOU. How many guests are you anticipating inviting? How many are black hat? If its a small minority, I think you do as a pp said, you let them know ahead of time and give them the option of coming or not coming. If you are dead set on everyone being included then obviously you have to determine what your most religious guests will be comfortable with. As for music, 1950s? if your guests are old enough to enjoy 1950s music than thats where you start but we asked our band to do the classics: elton john, billy joel, beatles, mixed in with the modern music of the 90s and 2000s plus the jewish things we requested.

  

  Report0 Reply
• Rachiemoo member

  

  October 2009 edited December 2011

  "black hats" probably wouldn't dance at all if there is mixed dancing, so I don't think you should worry about what type of music there is based on what you think they would like if you're going to have the dance floor mixed.

  

  Report0 Reply
• Danaz1 member

  

  October 2009 edited December 2011

  we had an orthodox rabbi marry us. I was not raised orthodox and this was not a problem. He just made sure that the customs were of an othordox standpoint. Such as men signing the ketubah and so forth. We did have mixed dancing. We had only one black hat person there and he was fine. There were plenty of orthodox there though. I even took off the jacket I wore for the ceremony at the reception. It is really about you and not about everyone. The Ceremony obviously will have to be what the rabbi says but he can not stop you from having mixed dancing or playing what music you want.

  

  Report0 Reply
• Rachiemoo member

  

  October 2009 edited December 2011

  "The Ceremony obviously will have to be what the rabbi says but he can not stop you from having mixed dancing or playing what music you want." Actually, the Rabbi may want to know this. Our rabbi would not officiate our wedding if we weren't serving kosher food at the reception. Rabbis often want to make sure that a wedding they officiate over has a completely "kosher" reception according to halacha, as it can be a reflextion onto them.

  

  Report0 Reply
• lachlom member

  

  October 2009 edited December 2011

  A few things...Regarding "glatt kosher" food. Avoiding the beef doesn't necessarily solve your problem for guests who hold by glatt kosher meat. I certainly hope the above poster was still talking about getting kosher chicken, rather than just any chicken. Remember that the dishes, pots, pans, etc all matter when it comes to glatt kosher food. Glatt kosher is a label placed on an Orthodox standard of kashrus.Also, Are you having the Chabad Rabbi marry you? Has he agreed to this yet? Like you said, you converted conservative and not Orthodox so a Chabad Rabbi won't consider you Jewish. Chabad rabbis also won't preform an interfaith marriage. I would make sure before you get ahead of yourself.You can, like everyone else said, get married through a conservative rabbi who will preform the ceremony you need.

  Report0 Reply