Chinese Weddings

Chineses Faux Pas

From Wikipedia: "It is undesirable to give someone a fan or an umbrella as a gift. The words fan "shàn" (扇) and umbrella "sǎn" (traditional Chinese: 傘, simplified Chinese: 伞) sound like the word "sàn" (散), meaning scatter or to lose. "sàn kāi" (traditional Chinese: 散開, simplified Chinese: 散开) means to split up. [2]"But I wanted to give all of my guests fans because I will have a summer wedding. I believe proper etiquette would insist that I do something to make sure they are comfortable during my wedding.I originally thought that the fans were a great idea, but after my future mother in law said something, i feel like I must change my mind to fit Chinese etiquette.But then again, it is American etiquette to never give money as a gift. Or put food on someone else's plate or insist on giving food to someone, which is a common occurrence it a Chinese home. It's even rude to ask someone why they don't eat something or why they do eat it, and that is a common question when I eat with my fiance's family. This has always made me uncomfortable.I wonder that maybe since my beliefs are being ignored, maybe I can ignore this one. I want my guests' comfort to be above silly supersittions.Has anyone else had a issue about fans? I think they probably wont mind too much, the only person I worry about is my fiance's grandfather, I would hate for him to be dissapointed in my manners or whatever.
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Re: Chineses Faux Pas

  • edited December 2011
    Hmm, that's an interesting question.  I HAVE seen fans being given out before as favors at chinese weddings.  I know what it means but I haven't thought that it's bad luck, however, I think this superstitious stuff depends on what people *believe* it means, it doesn't matter if you're completely right.  That's why I'm not sure you can just ignore it, especially since they have said something to you already, that means they care what it sounds like.So you'd better check with your FI and have him ask his family because you don't want people upset over it on your big day.
  • StuffingStuffing member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Hm.  I have definitely seen that being given out at more than one Chinese weddings.  I have seen people give both fans AND umbrella.  My personal thought is if you were really superstitious =D, almost any object can have a Chinese word that signified badness.I agree with the previous post that you could find out if the majority of the guests are this superstitious, and if they would avoid those fans like the plague. 
  • stina93446stina93446 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I am doing this....and I don't care. Interesting, but I already wrapped them all and we are getting married in CA at the end of the summer. I want my guests to have as cool as a time as possible.
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  • ring_popring_pop member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I've never heard that it's poor American etiquette to give cash gifts at weddings. It's very common in a lot of places even in North America.Aside from everyone's advice about the fans, it sounds to me like you've got bigger issues of culture clash and resentment with your FILs. Have you all tried to understand each other in terms of your own cultural norms? If not, don't just use that as justification to go against your FILs' wishes. Talk with them to figure out just how important it is to them.
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  • edited December 2011
    Honestly, we are still working through our culture clash, but we know our love will triumph over this. My love for his family is strong so we just have to work on are honest discussions which are getting easier. It just takes time.His mom brought it up but insisted she doesn't believe it's bad luck. So I only have to worry about my future dad and my future grandfather. I want them to be happy, but I still really liked my idea. haha. I hope they will say it's no big deal. I think I will ask his dad on sunday during lunch, maybe we can make a quick trip to Ye Ye's house right after.I will update you girls when I find my answer.
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  • edited December 2011
    Important Update!Talked to dad, and he said that since this is an American wedding, it doesn't matter. He says he has no opinion. He also said not to worry about Ye Ye because he doesn't care either. They have no desire to push Chinese customs into the wedding. They said it's all up to me.So... I am going to do sandalwood fans for guests and parasols maybe for the bridesmaids and moms, instead of using corsages or bouquets.
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  • edited December 2011
    Well that's good news, I suppose!
  • jadedecarojadedecaro member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    fans are okay.but never umbrellas and pears please.get rid of any pears and umbrellas.maybe u can leave fans outside for the guest to pick up instead of a favor?
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