same sex adoption, thoughts?

thesuninherhead · October 2009

The laws on adoption in my state have just changed. Previously, we were stuck using an Act written in the 60's which prohibited people from adopting children unless they were infertile and married, and didn't encourage the adoption of children who are in the custody of the state due to child protection matters. The new Act has just been released, and I was glad to see that singles are also now able to adopt, people who don't have fertility issues can adopt, and foster parents can adopt in cases where the child cannot be returned to their parents safely. One line about eligibility threw me though, and I wondered what your thoughts on it were, and if it is the same in your area:"the person (applicant) is eligible if the person has a spouse who is not the same gender as the person" Obviously a gay or lesbian person in a relationship could theoretically get around this by not disclosing their relationship and applying as a single, but why should they have to when all of the research evidence suggests that children brought up by same-sex parents are as well-adjusted as their counterparts? There are so many families that consist of two mothers or two fathers, and it saddens me that these kids can not legally be adopted by both parents and officially refer to their parents as such, and that as families they are not afforded the same level of protection (eg. family law court for custody cases etc) as other families in our communities are provided... and that is without even getting into the issue of children needing homes and potentially great parents being denied the ability to provide for these kids because of their gender alone. WDYT, and are same-sex couples able to adopt where you live?

beatlesgirl25 · October 2009

Ah, this makes me sad. After all that amending, they still had to draw that line. It's true that a gay/lesbian couple could "get around" the rule by not reporting their relationship, but then the kid would probably not be able to have both parents as legal guardians, only the one who applied for the adoption. Boo.

thesuninherhead · October 2009

On second thought, it is actually quite late for you guys right now so I highly doubt anyone is going to be wanting to engage in such a deep conversation with me- let alone read my novel post! Apologies!

brookelynpaisley · October 2009

I'm honestly not sure, but I believe they are allowed to adopt here. I personally find it uncomfortable. I will never vote against a couple's rights to have a child, but it's something I'm not personally comfortable with. I honestly can't really explain it, other than I think growing up can be difficult enough without being different, though I acknowledge there are horrible opposite sex parents and plenty of other ways a kid can be different. But like I said, my unexplainable and admittedly unfounded view on the subject is not something I would ever impose on a couple wanting a family.

vgmartinez · October 2009

I looked it up and in Iowa, gay and lesbian singles can adopt and it also says that the law does not clearly prohibit joint gay adoption. I think that gay and lesbian singles and couples should have a right to adopt children and have a family just as anyone can. There are many so many children who do not have a place to call home or people to call their parents. Every child deserves loving, caring parents and every human being, gay or straight, deserves the right to love and care for a child.

sucrets4 · October 2009

Arkansas just passed a law that made it illegal for same sex couples to adopt/be foster parents.

It made me sad because they had to remove kids from houses in order to comply.Good parents are good parents regardless of gender.

beatlesgirl25 · October 2009

Oh, and to answer the other question in the OP, I think same-sex adoption is legal here. I live in Massachusetts, and same-sex marriage is legal.I think it's hard to make an argument for harmfulness either way, as there aren't a ton of kids or adults in this generation who have been raised by gay/lesbian parents. So while I like seeing research on the subject that studies children of gay parents, whether the validity of it endures remains to be seen. The one thing that seems to have been strongly supported through studies is that having gay parents does NOT make you any more likely to be gay. I personally support same sex adoption and parenting. I think it's a right, not a privilege.

ggmae · October 2009

I think that is really unfortunate and sad. IMO and in my experience, gay couples make some of the best parents! Homosexual couples should have the same rights as heterosexual couples. Period.I actually used to babysit for 2 lesbians who had adopted 2 children from Vietnam. They are such loving mothers and great role models for their children.

thesuninherhead · October 2009

You're right that the research so far is limited given the numbers, but the picture it has painted so far (at least from what I have read) isn't a negative one at all.Sucrets, that is so sad that children were removed from carers following that legislation. Children in care have already had enough harm come to them without being taken from homes where they have formed attachments unnecessarily.

tenofcups4me · October 2009

I just looked up the law in PA and it's a little confusing, but I think ONE partner of a gay couple can adopt and then the other partner can later adopt the child, but that a couple can't do the initial adoption together. I think it's absurd. With all the children out there who need good homes, it's unfathomable to me that people who actively want children can't get them. And the fact that such blatant systematic discrimination is legal is still mind-boggling to me.

beatlesgirl25 · October 2009

I think that is really unfortunate and sad. IMO and in my experience, gay couples make some of the best parents!One of the strongest arguments I've heard to those who say gay parenting grooms people to be homosexual (which I think is the real fear here) is that it actually fosters a more open-minded and flexible perception of other people, which makes for more well-balanced, integrated kids. Think about it, the more you learn to respect others, the more likely you'll be able to make connections and form healthy relationships in all levels of life.

beatlesgirl25 · October 2009

Sorry, meant to italicize GG's comment above.

ggmae · October 2009

Beatles - That would be the argument that I would make. Children of homosexual couples are likely to become well-rounded and accepting of others. And we definitely need more people like that in this world.

thesuninherhead · October 2009

I found it interesting that the first section of the act speaks about the adoption process not being discriminatory, and then the eligibility section clearly discriminates against those in same-sex relationships. This act was just written, and passed earlier this month. It's 2009, and we are still turning our backs on same-sex families and pretending they don't exist?

sucrets4 · October 2009

sun - it was heartbreaking when I heard them say it on NPR. But here in Arkansas, people are so afraid of 'the gay'. I was with coworkers last weekend and they were talking about how some boy came out to his family, but no one could say the word 'gay' in the conversation. Fwiw, they also don't say porn. They're general and use shifty eyes, lol.

beatlesgirl25 · October 2009

Amen to that, gg. Tolerance is a wonderful thing for societies, and an attribute not everyone possesses. Thesun, you're right, the research has been positive so far. It's just difficult (in my experience) for some people to consume because there is always the question of, is this too new of a phenomenon? And also people who claim that children of gay parents would misrepresent themselves (not reporting negative life experiences) in order to support LGBTQ causes and political activism. I guess that could be said for any research, but this is obviously a hot button issue. Sorry, I realized I'm posting a lot. This is actually related to the topic of my current dissertation (healthcare disparities for LGBTQ), so I guess I have a lot to say about it.

BubbleJ · October 2009

I thought same sex parents were allowed to adopt here, but recently found I was wrong. I am doing an assignment on lesbain parents and how society views them, so I found this out researching that. I think they should be allowed to adopt, if they can love and take care of the children, why not?

nvdmeulen · October 2009

like a PP said, a good parent is a good parent. I think it's ridiculous to forbid same-sex couples from raising children. to think that someone can "turn gay" (or be turned gay) is absurd. you don't "turn gay" you simply ARE gay, nothing wrong with that, just the way you are, move on with life. if anything they would provide an incredibly inspirational role model for their children as they've already had to deal with so much crap from society at large. hopefully by the time these children are grown up, our society will view things in a more relaxed and accepting light.

rhodesign · October 2009

Not sure of the exact laws here, but my old boss and her partner adopted a child with no problem. It was fully disclosed that they were a couple.I think anybody who wants to be loving parents to a child should be able to. I don't see how any arguments are anything other than speculative ignorance. "What if it makes them gay?" The real question is, who cares if it does? I don't think it makes any likelihood of them being gay any higher, but even if it had I don't think that's a problem. So far, all gay people are birthed by straight parents, right? =)As for not enough research to know negative outcomes--I think people are people. While we like to think that maybe an adoptive family will not suck, some just might. That's not limited to gay couples. I don't see how kids would be any more or less likely to have a good or bad upbringing because of their being two dads or two moms vs. mom and dad. They may have some more issues with people being mean and discriminatory, but many people do (ie any minority group, people with disabilities, etc.) and learn to deal with it. It's not the end of their lives to face adversity. Besides, if we let more gay couples adopt and they raise open-minded children, it'll become more and more acceptable and people will be less discriminatory. (hopefully)Sorry that was long!

Simply Fated · October 2009

""What if it makes them gay?" The real question is, who cares if it does?"^that made me laughIt is true, though... that really wouldn't be the worst thing in the world. I'd rather my kid (or any kid) be gay than a jerk. (I originally had a different word besides jerk, but I changed it because I don't want to get in trouble for using a no-no word)And, no, having gay parents doesn't make you gay... Many of my parents friends were gay and they helped to watch after me growing up... they baby-sat for me, I spent holidays at their homes... I even took rides in their cars. Their gayness didnt' rub off on me. jus sayin.The child will only get teased by their peers if people let the peers tease. And, honestly, most kids don't even notice those things about their classmates until they get older. And, by then, most kids are more understanding about sexual orientation and how it works. It's up to us to make sure they get there with an open mind. So, please, make sure your kids understand that some kids wear glasses, some kids have red hair, some kids live in small apartments and can't afford video games... and some kids live with two mommies or two daddies. It isn't difficult for children to understand that. If they can grasp the concept of 2 x 3 = 6 and weird is spelled e before i, surely they can grasp the concept of two people loving each other. Yes, a child might get teased for having parents of the same gender.... but kids get teased all the time, anyway. Life might be hard enough for kids without adding one more thing to the mix, but does that mean couples who both wear glasses shouldnt be allowed to procreate because their offspring might get teased for wearing glasses? You can't shelter kids forever.. if it's one thing they aren't getting teased for, it's another thing.

fangsiting · October 2009

If parents make you gay, then where did all these gay people with straight parents come from?That new law is disappointing, sun. Even if you can get around it with one parent adopting, the other parent will have no rights. If the couple does split up, the other parent may never get to see her/his child again and has no legal way to enforce joint custody. I assume gay marriage is prohibited in Australia? Gay couples can adopt together in my state, which I'm glad. I know there are many great gay parents out there. Every day there are countless stories in the news about terrible things that straight parents do to their kids. There is no way that gay people can be worse parents than straight people!

kebmtm071605 · October 2009

I think it's very sad and very wrong that that line was included. What state are you in? I know in some places it will just never be accepted. I live in MA, and I assume same-sex couples are allowed to adopt. They're allowed to marry here.

BecW2be · October 2009

Having straight parents obviously didn't make gay people straight, so that argument is stupid and without logic. Being raised by two loving parents, regardless of their gender, is a perfect environment, especially when compared to the environments a lot of adopted kids come from originally. It burns me up when people say it will be harder for the kids to grow up in a home where there are gay parents because of how other people will treat them. They haven't been treated well for their entire lives! Being raised by two tolerant, accepting and loving people cannot possibly be worse than having no parents at all. It's actually an advantage, and these kids will be kinder, smarter and happier than a lot of kids in straight parent homes that don't offer the love and compassion needed to raise children. I don't think your sexual orientation should be considered when adopting.

squirrly · October 2009

It varies from state to state here. In Kentucky, we have a constitutional ammendment barring gay marriage, but they do allow gays and lesbians to adopt, either as singles or as a couple. I have friends who just did this, and they are in the process of adopting a second baby. There are several southern states that don't permit it though - obviously Arkansas, but I think also Florida and possibly Alabama as well. It's rediculous. Every child deserves loving parents. It doesn't matter whether the parents are gay, straight, purple, handicapped, etc. If they are good people and can provide a good, safe, loving home - let them foster/adopt.

Puppylove*85 · October 2009

Same-sex couples should be able to adopt just like opposite-sex couples. It bothers me that the state would rather have children go without parents than have good, same-sex parents. I live in Michigan and only one person in a same-sex couple can officially adopt. It is a horrible system because if something happens to the official adoptive parent, the other partner who has raised the children as his or her own is not guaranteed to be able to continue raising them. How can the state support unnecessarily ripping families apart? I know a lot of wonderful same-sex parents who have adopted from foster care. So even though some states are treating same-sex couples as "inferior" parents, a lot of them are actually taking care of children that were abused or neglected by their straight parents.

same sex adoption, thoughts?

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