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Two Weddings - What to do???? Please Help!

ksuetraudtksuetraudt
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in Wedding Woes
Hi – I have a HUGE dilemma. My fiancé and I have been planning our wedding to take place May 22nd, 2010. We have booked the reception hall, bought the dress, paid deposits on pretty much everything. We just found out that my fiancé has to have open heart surgery very soon. He is a retired Army Sergeant. The VA will be doing his surgery and they are not willing to give me any information or list me as an emergency contact or extend any of the spouse rights to me unless we are married. We have both discussed this and decided that we could have a civil ceremony at the courthouse for legal/military purposes within the next week or two (before the surgery) and we will still have our big ceremony in May as planned. I am a true romantic and I am worried that this will make our big wedding not that special or the actual civil ceremony will be very unromantic and plain. I can’t wait to marry him and part of me is really happy that we get to be husband and wife earlier than what we thought. But the other part of me is scared that the big traditional wedding will lose that special feeling. What do I do? What do we put on the invitations? How is all of this supposed to go? Should we tell everyone? How do we do this? I am more worried about getting my FI through this surgery than anything else but I can't help but wonder about all this also (it helps take my mind off the bigger issue). Oh yea and I almost forgot my MOH and his Best Man are in another state and can't make it up here for our courthouse wedding. I am truly bummed about that because its my best friend...who else will be a witness? Please help. Thanks, Kimber
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Re: Two Weddings - What to do???? Please Help!

  • Leah&Christian09Leah&Christian09 member
    1000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Yes, you should tell everyone. They will understand. Have the ceremony now, invite your parents, and then just have the reception in May. You can word your invitations as blah blah invite you to join them in a reception honoring the recent marriage of blah blah. Make sure you tell the important people about what is going on. It will spread around quickly. There is no reason your ceremony must be unromantic and plain. The point is that you two are getting married, and doing it quietly before he goes into surgery is about as romantic as it gets! You can even film the ceremony and show it at the big reception later.
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  • duckie1905duckie1905 member
    Fifth Anniversary 1000 Comments 5 Love Its
    edited December 2011
    You must tell everyone the truth.  Why start your marriage off with a lie?Your ceremony and reception won't be any less special unless you make it less special in your head (or if you don't tell everyone the truth and then get pissed and that ruins more than just the day, it ruins relationships).
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  • JaimeePJaimeeP
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    You could have your simple, civil ceremony now, with your parents as witnesses. On your original wedding date, renew your vows. Save your wedding dress etc... for the renewal that you celebrate with your families and friends and wedding party. I think the renewal will be even more special because of your circumstances. Best wishes to you both.
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  • DevonStilesDevonStiles
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Firstly, tell everyone. It is completely and 100% understandable. Secondly, you don't get two weddings. You get one wedding and anything else from here on out is a vow renewal. Getting a JOP wedding then a vow renewal at a later time is a great idea.
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  • lilgina64lilgina64
    500 Comments
    edited December 2011
    We did eaxctly what you're doing for some similar reasons.   Basically we eloped in September in a 2 and 1/2 minute ceremony at town hall. we signed the paperwork, boom legally married. you can pay an extra fee to not have witnesses and some states dont require them. we are having our church wedding may 14th, 2010. however my priest told me I can't call it a vow renewal because the catholic church doesn't recognize any kind of marriage other than that done in the church. We explained our situation to all our friends and family and everyone was completely fine with it. some even said we'd be crazy not to. Be honest with people, if they cant understand that sometimes romance cant come first, then they can piss off. not your problem. and if they really love you, theyll understand and be happy for you.
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  • lilgina64lilgina64
    500 Comments
    edited December 2011
    oh i forgot to mention. we eloped in jeans and a tee shirt and had dinner with the family afterwards. in the spring is when we'll wear our ddresses and tuxes etc.our invitations ask people to join us in a celebration of our marriage with a ceremony and reception to follow. The wording indicates you are celebrating your marriage and not that your celebrating getting married again. It's perfectly acceptable and like I said, people will not be offended if you are honest. and be sure to throw one hell of a party afterwards like we are trying to. that way they really can celebrate your marriage!
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  • DevonStilesDevonStiles
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Congrats on your vow renewal, Lilgina!
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  • janedoe1113ajanedoe1113a member
    5000 Comments 5 Love Its Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    Just because you're military, does not mean you get to have two weddings.  My FI is military too and we're only have one.  If we needed to go to the court house for some reason (like the OP's medical situation) then you call the second one a VOW RENEWAL.  Just because you didn't get your pretty princess day the first time, doesn't make it anymore real that you're getting married.  You have to tell your guests the truth.How would you feel if you were a guest at a wedding and later found out the couple was actually married months before the "wedding"?  Wouldn't you be peeved that you wasted time and money for them to lie to you?
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  • DevonStilesDevonStiles
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    [i]Just because you didn't get your pretty princess day the first time, doesn't make it anymore real that you're getting married.[/i] Yup!
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  • LarissaAnnLarissaAnn member
    1000 Comments 5 Love Its
    edited December 2011
    In lilgina's case, her PRIEST told her she CAN'T call it a vow renewal, and he's the one performing it. I think he trumps some chicks on a message board as to what it should be called.
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  • lilgina64lilgina64
    500 Comments
    edited December 2011
    here's what I suggest.go downtown. get married (wear a sundress if it makes you feel better). Send out a wedding announcement/save the date.you dont have to call it anything more than a celebration of your marriage and a religious ceremony (if you are getting married in the church/temple/whatever).your annoucment could read:we are pleased to announce the union of mr ksue to mrs ksue. we invite you to celebrate our marriage with us in a ceremony at xyz parish with reception to follow at abc hall.that way you dont have to get into the politics of vow renewal or wedding or whatever else you want to call it. Just ask them to celebrate your marriage with you.In the end, do whats best for you two.
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  • Leah&Christian09Leah&Christian09 member
    1000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    In lilgina's case, her PRIEST told her she CAN'T call it a vow renewal, and he's the one performing it. Exactly. It's called a Convalidation.
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  • Sue_sueSue_sue
    10 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Are you certain that an appointment of you as health care agent and power of attorney would be insufficient? That said, if he dies in surgery, you will not get his retirement benefits or insurance etc, regardless of the health care POA issue. I understand all about romanticism etc, but you two would be LUNATICs to risk your financial futures so as to have that 'oogy feeling' at the big ceremony. I'd get married now, in a civil ceremony, and make sure everyone knows your religious ceremony and reception are still taking place as planned. Frankly, a small intimate ceremony now, will be charming, and your circumstances will add a great deal of meaning to the 'in sickness and in health' part of all this in the big splash ceremony. Good luck in both! And good luck to your fi in his surgery.
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  • CaliMel11CaliMel11 member
    100 Love Its 100 Comments First Anniversary Name Dropper
    Just do a civil ceremony, and then have a celebration with your friend later on. Sure it's not going to be the big wedding you planned, but everyone will understand. You could always wear your dress, do a vow renewal, and have a reception after. If you make it clear about what it is, everyone will understand! In fact, I would think people would be more supportive, because you're being honest with them about it all.
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  • MobKazMobKaz member
    Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    CaliMel11 said:
    Just do a civil ceremony, and then have a celebration with your friend later on. Sure it's not going to be the big wedding you planned, but everyone will understand. You could always wear your dress, do a vow renewal, and have a reception after. If you make it clear about what it is, everyone will understand! In fact, I would think people would be more supportive, because you're being honest with them about it all.
    This thread is somewhere between 2 and 4 years old. No one is home. @KnotPorscha, can we close this please?
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