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What would you do?

myChance30myChance30
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in Just Engaged and Proposals
Okay, so I just got engaged on the 1st of October. I was totally surprised because my Fiance and I had talked about waiting for me to finish school to do this so we could pay for the wedding ourselves. Now I'm so excited to start planning, however we don't have any money to pay for a wedding. Neither of our parents have the money either. My mom has an insane amount of family on her side and I'd like them all to be there. So a small affair is out of the question. So I guess my question is....if it were you.....would you put it off for another 3 years, or just try to throw something together with pennies right now and not be truly happy with it. I know, it's suppose to be about marrying the one you love, but I plan on this being my only wedding in my life and I want it to be done right..ya know! By the way, my now Fiance and I have been together for 8 years, so another 3 seems like forever!!! Thanks
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Re: What would you do?

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    Simply FatedSimply Fated member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Answer Name Dropper
    If you have your heart set on having a wedding with all your family present.... wait for a couple of years until you are financially ready to have one.if you are determined to be married right this second, then you can always invited just your immediate family.... meaning parents, grandparents and siblings.Those are my suggestionsHowever, as for what would I do? Well, as it is I am waiting until I can afford to have a wedding with all of my boyfriend's fifty million and one aunts and uncles and cousins. Personally, I'd be happier just to invite our immediate family, since I'm so shy. But, alas, I have a fear of his extended family hating me, since I've grown so close to them. This is the only thing I'm willing to compromise on. (Well, not the ONLY thing, that was a bit dramatic, but you know what i mean, I hope, lol)
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    BubbleJBubbleJ member
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    I'm having a nearly 3 year engagement as well due to wanting to finsh school first so we can be free to travel etc. Its a long time to wait but if you really want the big wedding with everyone you will have to. I was really excited and wanted to start planning right away too (who isn't). Maybe buy a few wedding mags and look at pictures of dresses etc? Make an inspiration board to add to and change over the next few years?
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    dsouldivadsouldiva
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    I understand 3 years is a long time, could you compromise and maybe wait 18 months (not that long) start saving like crazy now and try and limit it to close family only.
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    myChance30myChance30
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    Wow, thanks everyone for all of your great advice! I think I'm going to try and wait. I especially like the idea of a compromise (the 18 months idea)! You guys have definitely made me feel better!
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    LanyerLanyer
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    My FI and I are getting married next month, three days before our 10 year anniversary. Many of our friends tease us about how long it took us but I decided to finish school and don't regret it at all. We are laughing along and having a 10 year anniversary theme. Waiting is hard but I think you will enjoy the planning more when you aren't also trying to balance school and a really tight budget. Whatever you decide I wish you luck and congratulations on the engagement.
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    vanessahurdvanessahurd
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    This may not be what you had in mind, but sometimes people will get legally married with a small, intimate ceremony (or even eloping) so they can be together as man and wife as soon as they want without spending a lot of money.  Then years later they have a grand "anniversary ceremony" and reception after wards...which is just like the wedding ceremony they always wanted but is more for show and for family than for the legality of it. I attended one of these ceremonies and it was beautiful and touching :)
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    tommyandytommyandy member
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    Both of our families have offered to help pay, but money situations have changed since then. The FI & I have a 5 gal water jug that all of our change goes into along with a 20 once a week. In 9 months we'll empty the jug & cash in the coins (my bank turns coins to paper money for free). However much money there is will determine the size of the wedding. If Family can contribute anything at that point, we will plan accordingly. I hope this gives you an idea or two. P.S. The 20 comes from us not going out 1 night on the weekend. If we stay in both nights, we put in 40.
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    myChance30myChance30
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    Thanks guys! I like the idea of a change jug...we have one, but our problem is we never use cash! It fills up really slow in our house. But the $20 idea is a good one!!
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    dsouldivadsouldiva
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    Sounds like you are on the right track but reading the other responses please please PLEASE don't do one of those "fake weddings" where the couple have been married for years and then decide to have a "vow renewal" in front of their families in a big fake wedding style with Wedding dress and bridesmaids & cake etc, it is tacky, lame, gift grabby, screams spoilt princess and IMO only excusable in very few extenuating circumstances (military posting preventing anything other than JOP 1st time / servere illness or family death preventing first one).You really only get one shot so make sure whatever you do it's a decision you are happy to live with.If you think I'm being harsh/opinionated and you think I'm alone in my opinion, please pop across to P&E board and ask them.
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    thomakothomako
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    My FI and I Have been engaged for 6 years come Christmas. I wanted to wait on the wedding until I was done with school not only for money reasons but also I knew I couldn't handle the stress of wedding planning along with the stress of school. We will e getting married in May and will have been togther just shy of eleven year. I am sooooo ready!
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    lucky713lucky713
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    Well, your situation is a bit different than mine. I've been with my fiance a year and a half now and he proposed in July. I still have a year and a half of school left and my last semester is student teaching so I know I wont have time to plan anything. Because of school, I'm waiting to plan, but, like I said, your situation is different because you've been with him for longer you have three more years, for my situation, its just best for me to wait.
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    Calypso1977Calypso1977 member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Answer Combo Breaker
    think outside the box, and check out the budget weddings board.  you dont have to spend $25K+ to have a nice wedding.  we didnt. think about getting married in the off season when prices are lower.  i had a top notch photographer, for example, that did my wedding for $300 versus the $3000 he usually charges becuase he normally doesnt work in February.
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    willowprincesswillowprincess member
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    personally, if it was me, i wouldn't put it off.the engagement is the toughest part. i have found this to be true as well as several of my friends. i thought it was hard waiting while we were dating, but it became exponentially harder when i got that ring.also, i know thi is only going to happen once, but it is still just a ceremony and you're going to end up married.my fiance and i are paying for everything and we're on a pinched budget. i have a huge family on both sides so a small affair wasn't an option either. but it's still possible. there's a lot you can do yourself. people are usually so willing to help, and you can find tons of stuff either on sale or a more inexpensive imitation of what you want.your dream wedding doesn't need to cost a ton.we're having nearly three hundred people and the entire thing (wedding and reception) is costing is under $5000.
    Daisypath Anniversary tickers Lilypie Second Birthday tickersLilypie First Birthday tickers Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers
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    taylorcsonkataylorcsonka member
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    My suggestion would be to wait until you are finished school and throw the wedding you have always wanted. If you just throw something together i dont think you will truly be happy looking back at it later on. I would start planning now and looking around at things to get some ideas. I am getting married in July 2010 and my fiance proposed in 2008 and I still feel like I could use some extra planning time. This April my fiance and I will be going on 7 years, but I wanted as much tim to plan as I could get. Hope this helps!
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    myChance30myChance30
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    Thanks again for all the words of wisdom! The problem is I'm not exactly sure when I'm going to be done with school! I estimate 3 years, but if its more, I may go crazy. I'm trying to get into the RN program at my college, and its over impacted. There is a waiting list, and the selection process is on a lottery system. I've already waited a year and a half, just waiting, doing nothing! Then once you do get in its a 2 year program. I'm 24, and we've lived together for 5 years now, so I think we no know what to expect in that department!
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    arivera22arivera22
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    I just got engaged this past August, on our 9 yr annivesary. We want to be able to have our family and friends share the dayw ith us so we knew that we would have to wait to save up. We are planning October 2011. I know it can feel like a long time but I just think about it this way.........I waited 9 yrs for the proposal so what's another 2? You will also feel so mcuh better in the long run having the wedding that you want and without any regrets. Like you said "I plan on this being my only wedding in my life".........so wouldn't you want it to be everything you dreamed of? Time will go by so fast.
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    alknappalknapp member
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    If it were me, I would wait.  FI and I have been together 11 1/2 years.  He actually bought my ring (and I knew about it) in November of 2007, but only proposed this past July, and now we are getting married next September.  We waited because he wanted to finish school so that we could afford the wedding we want.  You don't want to regret doing things only halfway.
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    tabbysuttontabbysutton
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    MY guy and I are waiting we only have a couple years left. (thank goodness) we've been together for awhile and both have good size families and a lot of friends. we want everyone to be there and i want the wedding of the century. (or at least in my area....) At first we were going to just have a small 1 but we know htat we would always wish we would have just waited so thats what we are doing. It's hard and it sucks because you just want to get done already but i'm sure it will be worth the wait.
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    kgirlaz82kgirlaz82 member
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    Wait for what makes you happy.   You deserve to be happy and throwing something together that you will regret wont help things any.
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    katelyn_alamedakatelyn_alameda
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    throw a summer/bbq type thing!
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