Is this offensive?

sunshine31088 · March 2010

My little cousin was the ring bearer in my brother's wedding last october. Because of this, they are assuming that he will be the ring bearer in my FI's and mine too, which is in August. FI and I have decided that we don't want a ring bearer or flower girl. How do we tell this to my aunt without being offensive?

SparrowSong · March 2010

I don't think "we're not having children in the wedding party" is offensive.

september's bride · March 2010

Just tell her you're not having children as attendants. It's not like it's personal, just be honest.

lyndausvi · March 2010

I would just be honest.. You are not having those position filled.. period...

Okay... I just re-read, I can *see* how it would be offensive ( not really but okay?).. still I go by my original statement.. if you are not having anyone than it's not like you are choosing anyone else over him.. You are just not having an RD or FG.. Not a big deal. a lot of couple do not have them (I didn't.)

tortis · March 2010

Has she asked you? If no one has come out and asked you (which is rude in my opinion), then I don't think you need to tell them anything. I think it would be more offensive if you randomly told her he couldn't be in the wedding.

However, if she does ask, I would just tell her that you have decided to keep the wedding party small (if you are actually having a small party) and are happy that he will be able to enjoy the wedding and have fun as a guest and not have any "responsibilities." Try to phrase it as if you are doing her a favor?

sunshine31088 · March 2010

She hasn't actually asked me, she just assumed. Like while talking about my brother's wedding last year, she would say thinks like, "I'm a little nervous about his behavior bc he is so young, but he'll be older for yours." I'm afraid if I just don't bring the topic up, she will keep assuming and then be hurt when she asks me when to order the tux and I tell her that he is not RB.

sunshine31088 · March 2010

And I guess I feel worse because when she did say things like that, I didn't correct her because my FI and I had not really thought enough about it yet and I figured he would be anyway. So even though I never actually said he would be, I never corrected her either.

tortis · March 2010

Then the next time she brings it up, I would just be honest and tell her you aren't having a ring bearer or a flower girl. If she gets upset about that then she is being overly dramatic. There unfortunately isn't really anything else you could do or say. Just be polite about it and move on I think.

tortis · March 2010

Sorry, just saw your new post. Again, all you can tell her is the truth.

Maybe something like "Oh, I've been meaning to tell you, we recently decided......"

CCBelle · March 2010

Yes, nip it in the bud sooner rather than later. Just explain that you are keeping the wedding party small and simple and are not having children as part of it. Shame on her for making the assumption.

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