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Shower

megan1381megan1381
10 Comments
in Wedding Etiquette Forum
My shower was Saturday, and I had an amazing time! I was wondering, is the rule for shower gifts the same as with wedding gifts? Send thank yous right away but don't use the gift until after the wedding? We had some really great things given to us, and FI wants to use them now, but I thought we were supposed to wait.
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Re: Shower

  • janedoe1113ajanedoe1113a member
    5000 Comments 5 Love Its Combo Breaker
    You're right!  Write thank yous now and wait until after the wedding to use them.
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  • danieliza1127danieliza1127 member
    10000 Comments 5 Love Its Combo Breaker
    Thank you notes immediately.As far as using the gifts, technically you should wait in case anything should happen that cancels the wedding, like an emergency or death or break up.  If that should happen, you would need to return the gifts unused.  However, we did go ahead and use our shower gifts right away with the understanding that if anything terrible happened, we would just have to buy new ones to return to the gift givers or give them money back.  Of course, that didn't happen.
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  • janedoe1113ajanedoe1113a member
    5000 Comments 5 Love Its Combo Breaker
    If anyone really asked for gifts back because one of you died, those would be the people I would never speak to ever again.
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  • wadingmoosewadingmoose member
    5000 Comments Sixth Anniversary 25 Love Its
    Ditto Navy. The weird thing is, I'm sure I've seen people who think they should get their gifts back if the marriage fails in the first few months.But let's face it, to me, once a gift is given, it's given and I wouldn't expect a shower gift back after the shower.   That just seems so wrong. 

    "You can take your etiquette and shove it!" ~misscarolb
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  • danieliza1127danieliza1127 member
    10000 Comments 5 Love Its Combo Breaker
    Navy - that was my H's thinking exactly.  He said if one of us died and we canceled the wedding, the last thing on anyone's mind would be getting their gifts back.  I agreed obviously.
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  • banana468banana468 member
    Knottie Warrior 25000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    Megan you're correct.  Write the note and don't use it until after the wedding.FWIW, if something horrible happened to the bride or groom I wouldn't want my gift back.  However if they just broke up I would.  I wouldn't mention it to them but I'd expect one of them to do the right thing if the wedding didn't take place.
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  • Catwoman708Catwoman708 member
    Sixth Anniversary 1000 Comments 5 Love Its
    You are correct, send the thank yous right away. The theory on waiting to use the gift is that if (God forbid) the wedding is cancelled, it would be proper to return the gifts, and you wouldn't want to return a used gift. I'd suggest you only use the gift if you are prepared to return the money or a replacement gift to the giver should you end up not getting married. But because that won't happen, of course, I think most people would expect you to go ahead and use the gift if you are already living together.
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  • jamm2019jamm2019 member
    Knottie Warrior 500 Comments
    I would write the notes right away.  We used our gifts right away...
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