Wedding Etiquette Forum

Host in the home

Throwing a wedding is all about being a good host, I think we can all agree on that. But what kind of host are you when you invite people to your home?Do most of the same rules apply for you or is it find the chair with the least crap on it and take a seat? Do make a huge effort etc? Or does that depend on who it is?

Re: Host in the home

  • Depends on who it is, to an extent.  If my house isn't clean, it's because I'm feeling crappy, so I don't have people over when I'm feeling crappy.  Otherwise, my house stays presentable to guests.  I always offer food and drink.  But that's how I grew up.  My mom offered some sort of food to every single person who darkened her doorstep, and I do the same. 
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  • Well, I clean the place and do my best to provide for my guests (including having enough seats). And I don't invite people I don't like.
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  • I try to generally be gracious to people, offer them a drink, make sure they have a good seat first, etc.  It depends on the person.  If it's FI's boss, I'm going to make a lot of effort to clean and whatnot.  If it's FI's friend coming over to watch football, I'll make sure it's not too gross but otherwise not stress over it.
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  • It depends on what it's for.When we have family visit for weekend stays, I clean the house really well, stock the fridge with food and drinks they like, offer to do things I think they'll want to do, etc.When I host a party, I provide drinks, food, don't ask my friends to chip in, etc. Do I send out formal invites and have people RSVP so I have a final count? No, because for a cocktail party, it's not that important.If it's my best friend who's coming over for pizza and guitar hero on friday, I'll order us dinner, graciously accept if she offers to put money towards it, and maybe pick up the living room a bit.
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  • I always make sure to clean up/straighten up before we have company over, even if it's my best friend who's known me since I was 10.  Usually we make dinner or snacks or I'll bake something.  When we host, we pretty much take care of everything except it's a given between us and our friends to bring what you want to drink, everything else is taken care of.
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  • I always clean the entire apartment immediately before having company over. We always make a ridiculous amount of food and make sure plenty of drinks are on hand. This applies to everyone. The only difference I see between weddings and having people over is the booze: everyone we know expects open bar because it's a wedding so there should be open bar, but we've NEVER had people over who didn't bring their own beverages or at least offer to. Even when we tell them it's not necessary, we've got it covered, they still bring drinks. They would never expect us to pay for their alcohol, but for our wedding, it's expected.
  • Chairs - unless it is a sitdown dinner party. No I do not have a true seat for every guest everything else yes. I go out of my way to make sure I have my friends likes as far as alcohol, food or even the type of soda they like. I grew up like that and all of my friends do the same thing.






    What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests.  Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated. 
  • I guess it's the same all around - make everyone feel comfortable. But that might differ, depending on who it is. When my friend was 12, she went over to a friend's house for a sleepover. She got there around 4pm and was never offered dinner. I think they found/ate some chips later on. Friend's mother STILL talks about how she can't believe someone would invite a person (a 12 year old at that!) to their house and not provide food during a meal time. I'd certainly never do something like that!
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  • Everyone who comes into my home can expect the following: - a drink - refreshments - a comfortable living room - a clean bathroom ;) If I'm having a dinner party, the ante is upped a bit and I'm in full-blown entertaining mode: - cocktails and apps - formally set table with flowers - music - appropriate lighting We really enjoy entertaining :)
  • I would like to think I'm a really good host.   My house is always clean when people come over (my house is always clean period, I'm obsessed.)  I drag dining room chairs in if there are more butts than seats.  If we have staying guests I always make sure there are fresh towels, tissues, some books/magazines ect in the guest room.  I always make sure there is extra toilet paper in the bathroom.  I email their spouses or a close friend a few days before to find out what kind of drinks/food they like so there can be some of it here.  I've been a house guest before where I constantly had to ask for things and didn't really feel that welcomed or comfortable, and that is a crappy feeling.  I try to make sure that never happens with people in my own home.  Now a friend that comes over three times a week is different.  They can get their own damn drink.  But people where it is an "occasion" that they are there I always put in effort.  I think that shows you care. 

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    "Whatever East. You're just mad I RSVP'd "lame" to your pre-wedding sleepover."
  • merymac - that's beyond bad hosting, that's bad parenting. That parent didn't even feed his/her own child dinner, let alone the friend over for a sleep over?  That's terrible.
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  • I know Dani. Borders on neglect. Who doesn't make sure their kid has something for dinner, even if it's just a PBJ? My parents were also big on eating dinner as a family, but I know it's not ubiquitous to do that these days. I also know the girl who hosted - she's a mutual friend I met this friend through. And I can believe this happened at her house. I agree with East - it's awkward to have to ask if I can use a bath towel and where to find one, for example. I feel like I'm imposing.
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  • When we have people for dinner, casual parties, or just coming over, I make sure the house is clean, I have food and drinks, and provide as many seats as I can.  Usually get togethers are BYOB (unlike the wedding) but even still I usually have plenty for everyone anyway. When people are coming for the night, I make sure there are clean linens, lay out towels, make sure there is extra toilet paper and such, and try to make sure I am awake before anyone else in the house in the morning to make sure there is fresh coffee...
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