Banana

MeaghanandMichael · December 2009

How were holidays with your MIL?

I thought you would appreciate the following story about mine:
MIL: So when am I having grandbabies!!?
US: Not for a while. We really have x and x we want to do first blahblah...

10 minutes later when Mike is in the bathroom...
MIL to me: Don't worry Meggie, Mike is definitely the type of guy to keep you even when your figure is gone from having children. He wouldn't be cruel and leave you after you have baby fat.
Me: ::Gulps wine and nods to keep from screaming::

WTF?!! seriously can we even count the amount of things wrong with that statement?? starting with her calling me Meggie, of course...

TurtlesAllTheWayDown · December 2009

banana468 · December 2009

Holy Moly Meaghan!

Or should I say, "Holy Moly Meggie!!"?

The holidays with MIL were surprisingly fine. There was a comment or two about wanting to come over for dinner at our home to consume the gifts BIL and SIL gave us (awesome items from their honeymoon in Italy) and how BIL "had" to be there next year for the holidays. Beyond that, the only thing that was a minor frustration was just her lack of understanding of technology in our gift to her.

DH converted all the mini slides his parents had onto DVDs and also onto CD for the raw files. MIL kept saying, "Oh I was going to go through these so you wouldn't have to do all this. Now what will I do?" As if the "delete" function is something foreign to her. But it might be - she wants the computer to have an 'on' and 'off' button with no other issues making discussion on technology rather interesting.

I was really pleased with how things went. Lucky for me, we have some really great days with her and then there are the days where there isn't enough wine on the planet. Unfortunately the law of averages tells me that we're due for a doozie soon. My only big concern at this point is that DH did tell his father that we're going to be seeing a specialist as I've recently been diagnosed with PCOS. I hope she doesn't flip that "she wasn't told first." I might get slappy if she does.

squirrly · December 2009

Kudos on not throwing the wine in her face. I'm pretty sure I'd have been all out of nice by then, though. I'd have searched for a way to turn that into the world's biggest guilt trip for her.

MeaghanandMichael · December 2009

Oh man Banana, I am so sorry to hear about the PCOS. I would get more then slappy if she tries to pull any shiit. Let me know if you need me to hunt her down in a local Walmart parking lot and slash her tires. I am glad to hear things were relatively sane though.

Squirrly, I have tried every, and I mean every, trick in the book over the last 4 years. Nothing computes to this woman. It really is all about her so you can't make some one that selfish feel anything for anyone else you know?

banana468 · December 2009

Oh boy Meaghan. How is your DH with her?

squirrly · December 2009

MIL, I'm so sorry you don't seem to have the ability to be nice or polite in conversation. To spare you the challenge of continuing to try, I'll be sure to stay home and refuse your calls from here on out.

Oh - and I wouldn't want our future children, or my ensuing figure changes, to burden you either - so I'll keep them away too.

Actually, I'd probably tell her I had no intention of letting her hurt my children's feelings or teach them that behaving that was is appropriate, so she can either change now or give up the option of spending time with them.

Yeah, I'm evil. But, my grandmother sounds just like her, really. She used to invite me to come up but not my little sis when we were kids, because she thought my sis was a bit heavy and thus was uninterested in her. At 7 I had to tell her I was only coming if she'd invite sis and be nice to her.

Banana, that diagnosis stinks, but at least it's something defined, right?

banana468 · December 2009

Squirrly, right now I'm seeing it as a "good" thing. That even though having a baby will most likely not be all that easy for DH and me, at least there's an actual diagnosis with methods of treatment.

AND of course I'm lucky in that DH is amazing and on board.

And I will refuse to be compared to Kate Gosselin.

MeaghanandMichael · December 2009

H is great with her actually, so I am lucky. We have just learned blow outs get us no where. His guilt trips are the only ones that really reach her but at this point he would just rather ignore her and see her when we have to.
Squirrly, I like what you have said, and I fully intend to keep my kids at a distance, but everything is complicated by Mike's brother, Ben. Ben is autistic and lives with Mike's mom so when we want to visit him we have to see her too. We are not planning on giving up visiting with Ben anytime soon, so for his sake I just bite my tounge.

squirrly · December 2009

I know what you mean. We've had a run of weird, difficult to diagnose crap in our family, so getting a name for something means you can treat it - which is definitely good.

Hang in there. So long as you don't get that awful haircut and a tv show where you verbally abuse your DH, I don't see how on earth anyone could ever compare the two of you. You're smart and sweet. She's. . . something else (said with southern flair & eyeroll).

squirrly · December 2009

Meaghan, did you mention once upon a time asking Ben to move in with you all?

And - for both of you - please plan ahead for how to handle it if something happens to your FILs before your MILs. It's actually my mom's mom that is the difficult one, and we lost my grandfather/her husband this year. Take all that and add grieving, crying, and the inability to take care of herself entirely PLUS the unwillingness to live in a retirement home. . . mom is an only child and struggling with it. And Nannie just keeps getting meaner. Just something to think about.

MeaghanandMichael · December 2009

Squirrly, yes we definitely want Ben to move in with us. The problem with that is that right now we are in CT and he is back in Mike's hometown in MA. The plan in the next 2-5 years is to move back to MA when we are ready to buy and the job market picks up again. We don't want him to live with us in CT because he is involved with his teacher and tons of great programs and it would be really detrimental to his progress to move him.

MIL and FIL are divorced, so either way when MIL goes downhill the burden will be on us since Mike has no other siblings besides Ben. Lucky us, huh?

squirrly · December 2009

Personal experience says - plan ahead, and get documentation giving you access to her medical information. Nannie likes to go to the doctor, tell us half the crap, tell her sister a different version, and then be pissy when we don't know everything.

TurtlesAllTheWayDown · December 2009

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_banana-3?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:a29cdc7c-297f-4e04-9472-349131f941f3Post:4a1b45aa-5abb-4b47-8fe2-8af80547bcbc">Re: *Banana*</a>:
[QUOTE] But, my grandmother sounds just like her, really. She used to invite me to come up but not my little sis when we were kids, because she thought my sis was a bit heavy and thus was uninterested in her. At 7 I had to tell her I was only coming if she'd invite sis and be nice to her. Posted by squirrly[/QUOTE]

I loved my grandmother, truly. But she said something similar once. My brother was always, always a heavy kid, no matter what he ate. Seriously, getting his ass to the gym and working out super hardcore at about age 22 was the only thing that slimmed him down, finally. Like, he was also a really fat baby.

My grandmother, god love her, who was 98 pounds and 5'1", said something to me once about whatever I was eating because she "didn't want me to turn out like my brother."

I also have to mention that my grandmother was the ONLY tiny person in our family. Everyone else is fairly curvy.

Between her and my mother, no wonder I ended up with food issues.

banana468 · December 2009

Squirrly, my BIL is a lawyer and I believe there has been some discussion regarding a worst case scenario. It's unfortunate but realistic.

Banana

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