Legally Marrying before our big day..

alyson_heather · October 2009

this is so complicated, but i will try and make this question as simple as possible... my fiance is stationed at camp lejuene and i am moving out there before he deploys so that i can spend that time with him before he goes to afghanistan. after talking about it more we have been pondering the idea of us getting married and making it legal so that i can recieve separation pay while he is gone. if we get married in north carolina, and then proceed to try and get a marriage license in wisconsin as well, will they still give us one? a family friend is marrying us next year and we dont want him or anyone else to know about the wedding before the big day next year. any suggestions? i guess im wondering if i can get married in north carolina, receive a second license for everyone to sign in wisconsin next year and then just not file it, or if they will have record of our marriage in north carolina... pleeease someone help!!!

blondiealwayfun · October 2009

I know for a fact, they will find out your already married when they go to file the marriage paperwork at the courthouse.. It will say they have already ben file aka they are already married.. just a thought!

corinnaandmatt · October 2009

If you are going to get married before he deploys to benefit from the extra pay and BAH, then go for it (I did and have no regrets). HOWEVER, Don't try and keep it from your family and friends. The military will have no regard for you keeping it a secret and all of his paperwork will reflect that. GOD FORBID he is injured, but is that the way you'd want people to find out? A call to his mom saying "we've already contacted his wife...". It's just something to think about. As far as getting a second marriage license, the state registers who applies but I'm sure that they would issue a license anyways and their is no harm in never turning in the paper work if you chose that route. What about simply having a special certificate for them to sign?

hegrigsby · October 2009

I agree with Corinna. There's nothing wrong with marrying early for the financial benefits. However, it is silly to lie to your family and friends. If you're mature enough to get married, you're mature enough to make your own decisions and tell your family.

tendonhead · October 2009

You or your FI have to be a resident where you are applying for your marriage license. Once you get the license and are married by the Judge, you're married and cannot get a second license. They do this to prevent against bigomy/polygomy.

MrsWilson0611 · October 2009

Your question is very common on this board. It is illegal to get a marriage license in a different state if you are already married. Getting married before a deployment and hosting a vow renewal and wedding reception at a later date is a great choice for some people. However, it is NOT a good choice to lie to your loved ones about your marital status. I have heard horror stories about the countless ways that girls in this situation get caught and it is extremely hurtful to their family and friends. The best way to start your marriage is with maturity and honesty.

gingerthebasicemt · October 2009

There's not an issue with JOPing and having a vow renewal later. There is an issue with lying to your families about it. Think about what pp said. What if he gets hurt? You really need to be upfront with your families about what's going on. No need to pull the wool over their eyes.

CARLY78 · January 2010

My fiance is abruptly getting deployed to Afghan- and it threw a monkey wrench in our wedding planning. Before his deployment we are getting married by the JOP or the church I grew up in- with only mine and his immediate family members. When he returns from his deployment we will be renewing our vows. I didn't feel comfortable starting my marriage off as a lie, but this is only IMO.

B-anne · January 2010

I was in a similar situation.

My boyfriend proposed in just a few short months before finding out he would be stationed in Italy. Obvioulsy, I wanted to marry him but I was not abou tot give up my lilfe, family, friends, job, apt, across the country with someone without having some kind of reassurance and security of a place to live, benfits, etc.

There is no way my family would be okay with a civil ceremony so we weren't going to say anything but I felt too guilty keeping it a secret but we also didn't want to spoil the idea of having the traditional wedding we have both always wanted. We decided to tell his parents, my parents, my bf and his bf. No one else knows. We did the civil ceremony ONLY with the intention that we would have the traditional wedding later. It is also important to us that we marry in a church so So we are set to "marry" this summer in a catholic church and then reception on the beach following. If you marry civily and thenn plan on a church wedding, it is not the typical marriage. it is known as convalidation (you can google it) and some churches may require precana classes as well.

I am almost positive you cannot have a marriage license in more than one state. Also, do you plan on getting married in a church or having a religious ceremony because that also changes things. It reallly depends on what you want to do that will determine the path you should take.

kyrgyzstan · January 2010

I am always shocked at the idea of dishonesty at this level from service members. Lying to your friends and family is lying, and not worth it for a pretty princess day. JOP if you want, but lying calls into question your character, and more importantly, the SM's moral character.

Oh, and they will find out. Guaranteed. People aren't stupid. If you have to go to the doctor and use tricare, they'll figure it out. If you suddenly have more money, they'll find out. If you randomly have a place to live WITH your 'fi' in Italy or wherever, people will figure it out.

The wrenches that marrying into the military throws into planning =/= carte blanche to become a complete liar.

squirrly · February 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_military-brides_legally-marrying-before-big-day?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:13Discussion:10469505Post:01482a9b-cb29-46c4-81d3-657aef313f4c">Re: Legally Marrying before our big day..</a>:
[QUOTE]I am always shocked at the idea of dishonesty at this level from service members. Lying to your friends and family is lying, and not worth it for a pretty princess day. JOP if you want, but lying calls into question your character, and more importantly, the SM's moral character. Oh, and they will find out. Guaranteed. People aren't stupid. If you have to go to the doctor and use tricare, they'll figure it out. If you suddenly have more money, they'll find out. If you randomly have a place to live WITH your 'fi' in Italy or wherever, people will figure it out. The wrenches that marrying into the military throws into planning =/= carte blanche to become a complete liar.
Posted by WishIcouldbeinthe'stan[/QUOTE]

I agree wholeheartedly.

Legally Marrying before our big day..

Re: Legally Marrying before our big day..

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