To Register, or not to register

beth5507 · October 2009

Hi. I could really use some 'is this ok' advice...... We're getting married June 2010, and my Mom reminded me to register for gifts. Problem is, he owns his own house and has for 6 years. I own my own house and have for 2. We are already throwing stuff out and donating things to charity since we have two households worth of stuff. We don't want or need anymore stuff. What we really want is for people to help us with our honeymoon. Is that tacky? Is there a tasteful way to let people know we would prefer monetary gifts to help us take a honeymoon?

laurenclaire1386 · October 2009

If you don't register for at least a few things, you'll end up with a birdhouse shaped mailbox. And other crap you don't want.

Brie2010 · October 2009

Don't register for a honeymoon or ask for money.If you choose not to register for gifts you will get lots of random crap you don't need anyway. If I were you, I'd do a small registry. People will get the point and give you cash anyway.

lauralaur · October 2009

You could skip registering altogether. Most people will get the hint and give you cash. But, there are still a few people who will insist on buying you a gift, so you might as well create a small registry of upgrades. Honeymoon registries rub me the wrong way. And, obviously, you can't straight out ask for cash. I would spread the word to your family and wedding party that you'd prefer money for a honeymoon so that if anyone asks what you might like they can tell them.

Calypso1977 · October 2009

we did not register for very similar reasons. however, it is tacky to ask for money or register for a honeymoon, or your photographer, or any other wedding related item or service. if people ask you directly, you can say you arent registered and dont need anything. they'll most likely give money. your parents can also spread the word, discreetly, that you could use cash.however, if you are so set as far as owning homes, etc., why can you not afford a vacation?

LesPaul · October 2009

Agree w/ Brie. Don't register for a HM (i.e. money). Maybe there are some things you would like to upgrade that you could register for? You don't have to go all out and select an entire houseful of stuff. Most of your family and guests will know (or ask) and give you cash or gift cards anyway. We were in a similar situation and only got a handful of boxed gifts.

kikibaby · October 2009

I asked about this the other day, and here is what I learned, in summary:Yes, it's tacky.Register for nicer versions of things you already have.Word of mouth to your family, but never mention in anything official that you want cash. People don't want to pay for you to have sex in nice places.

ac_in_dc · October 2009

Register for a few things...people will appreciate it. Honeymoon registries are generally viewed as tacky, although you can spread the word discreetly through close family that you'd like cash (do this very carefully).

lauralaur · October 2009

Plus, you never know what you might find while you're registering that you didn't think you needed. It had never occurred to us that we might need a deep fryer...

laurenclaire1386 · October 2009

Laura, EVERYONE needs a deep fryer. I can't believe you waited so long.

ootmother2 · October 2009

Register. Do you really want the urn that Great Aunt Eunice will pick out for you?If asked, your family or BP may suggest that you are saving for xyz but only if asked.I'm not that much agains HM registries if they allowed me to choose one fun thing to do, scuba lessons, parasailing, exotic restaurant but they don't seem to have that available. I find general HM registries distasteful at best.

kikibaby · October 2009

I'm afraid to get a deep fryer, because I think I would start deep frying everything in the house.

sucrets4 · October 2009

however, if you are so set as far as owning homes, etc., why can you not afford a vacation?This. And nebb's sig...wait, is it her sig or did she say it? Maybe nebb said it and it's in Tide's sig. Hmm. But anyway, that stuff.

beth5507 · October 2009

HAHA!! Sorry....when I saw the post about people not wanting to pay for us to have sex in a nice place I laughed. Yeah, I kinda figured it was tacky, but if you don't ask you don't know. The small registry makes a lot of sense. Thanks for that thought. As for not being able to afford a vacation, we're both teachers in a very poor urban area. That's the only reason we were able to purchase houses. Fortunatly, one of the local gangs owns our neighborhood, so its pretty safe.

TnJBonnell · October 2009

I understand what you are going through. My Fiance and I already live together and we dont really need anything. Well we probably can use upgrades on a couple of things. But its not as important to us, as the honeymoon.We're spending so much money on the wedding, that we would really like help for our honeymoon. We plan on going to Disney world. And through Disney you can set up a honeymoon registry, where you choose what you want to do while in Disney and people can go onto the website and contribute money to that activity. They can also help with the hotel room, dinner, spending money and park entrance. You can even print out the honeymoon registry cards from the website. And thats what we are doing. It says something along the lines of please help us make our dreams come true.I think its a wonderful idea. Try spreading the word, or your mom, that all you want is that. Money. GL

Calypso1977 · October 2009

We're spending so much money on the wedding, that we would really like help for our honeymoon. cut back on the wedding then. i think its in bad taste to say, "we can afford a $20k wedding, but becuase of that we cant afford a vacation (that's not even a requirement, btw)."and beth, if you have 2 houses, i assume you will sell one and live in the other. so, wait and take your honeymoon later, when you have money from the sale of a house. many folks do a "mini-moon". a few nights to get away after the wedding, but then tehy save up and take a larger/longer trip later, wehn tehy have more funds built up.

Leah&Christian09 · October 2009

Yes, HM registries are tacky. We'd been on our own for quite a while, too. You wouldn't believe how much we came up with: specialty glassware, plenty of back up sheets and towels, ice cream machine (this is the best thing we got), a new duvet, espresso machine, etc. I'm sure you'll come up with something.

sunflowerbride5 · October 2009

My only problem with those honeymoon registries are the fees - I don't have a problem with the idea of it, although I know many people on here feel differently. Personally, I would rather give someone a great experience on their honeymoon than buy them new dishes/gadgets/linens when they already have perfectly good ones. That said, definitely register - some people get freaked out if they don't know what to buy you! But do a small registry and let your immediate family and wedding party know that you'd really like cash, people will probably ask them where you're registered and what you want, and they can pass along the info. And for people who give you cash, let them know what you did (we had a wonderful dinner in Aruba or whatever).

jenn.daniel · October 2009

Register for nicer stuff than what you already have. Go for the fancy mixer, and uber soft sheets. Don't ask for honeymoon help. A lot of people will probably give cash anyway.

skiingstark · October 2009

Here it is considered tacky, but your family friends will understand why you are reasons. I have written about this soo much, since I hate how they all think it is tacky. When all my friends and family thought it was such a great idea and loved it. Have a small registry for people who think it is tacky. I used honyfund which has no fees. Also if you go on a cruise or some vac resorts have things where people can call up and buy you the activity. Just make sure you do not register for your travel or accommodations. Just register for special activities like a romantic dinner or surf lesson, etc.. Then in your thank you cards you can have pics of you on the activity. I know for one I rather give a couple a memory of a life time then a vase that would collect dust in the corner and get sold in a yard sale in a couple years. The sex fest thing always makes me laugh too cause it is like hey when you buy a couples new sheets what do you think is going to happen to them.

TnJBonnell · October 2009

marceasue & sunflowerbride - feel the same way I do! I dont think its tacky at all! I rather give someone money to have fun and enjoy their honeymoon than to give them some shitty vase that will collect dust too!I think its tacky when you already have plates, sheets, or whatever and are asking for better ones. Thats gift grabby, greedy and tacky!I dont want my family giving me something I already have, thats a waist of money. I dont need fancier, bigger, or more expensive things from my family. Everyone thought it was a great idea. They think its fun to be able to choose where and what activity they can contribute money to. And there is no extra fee.

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