FI wants you Knotties to answer another question

RachNRich · October 2009

Okay, so apparently our household has become an argument over etiquette. We are in the process of finalizing our invitation order--and I noticed he hadn't added a family he had mentioned he wanted to. During grad school, he helped support himself by tutoring a local high school kid; in doing so, he became close with his parents. He has continued to tutor the kid (and his siblings) long distance after he moved--and wants to invite the parents to our wedding. He also wants to invite the one kid he tutored the most. But not the others. I think if he invites one, he should invite them all. Your thoughts?

baystateapple · October 2009

You can't invite one kid from a family, and not the others. Unless the "kid" is over eighteen years old and you have a strict "no kids" rule implemented. Then MAYBE. Even then, it's going to cause some issues. Either invite all, or none.

lpstl · October 2009

In general I think it's a bad idea for teachers to invite their students to their wedding. In this case, even though it's a tutoring position, he can't invite the one kid and not the siblings.

ExpatPumpkin · October 2009

Yes, he should invite them all, especially since you mentioned that they live somewhere else. So they'd have to travel. Not fair to ask a family to bring one kid and leave the others at home

That's a cause for jealously among the siblings, not to mention a logistical problem. It's a package deal.

ootmother2 · October 2009

If the kid is 16 or over, I wouldn't feel that the family needed to be included. I could be wrong on this though

TurtlesAllTheWayDown · October 2009

I agree with you. Unless you're only having 30 people at your wedding, a few more shouldn't make a huge difference. If the kids are older and don't know him well, it's possible that the parents will just bring the one kids anyway.

redheadfsu · October 2009

invite the family as a wholeespecially since they are oot

eastunder1 · October 2009

As long as he doesn't currently tutor this child and others in a group setting to where they might find out that he was invited but they weren't, I don't see an issue. If he no longer tutors, or if tutoring is done on an one-on-one basis where different students have nothing to do with one another, I think it's fine.

eastunder1 · October 2009

Oh, der. Reading comprehnsion fail there self. I thought we were talking about leaving out other students, not siblings.

jajph1974 · October 2009

Invite them all. How many of them are there, anyway?

harbor_girl · October 2009

I remember a couple of weddings where my 18 year old sister was invited, and I was not, because I was 12 at the time. I remember being a little miffed, but also understood that it was an adult reception. However, I'm not sure if there is a precise etiquette rule that states that you can decide to only invite the 18-and-over children. It seems common, but common does not equal proper etiquette.

RachNRich · October 2009

We are only inviting 55 people (not including this family). I'm fearful that we could possibly offend the family by only including their one son. FI justification is that he spent a lot of time with his kid over the years (he's now 19, and in college, and FI still tutors him on an almost daily basis). But, that being said, FI does work with the other kids too--and I'd hate to hurt their feelings over something stupid. The younger two kids probably wouldn't be able to attend because of school--and potentially even the one FI wants to invite. Overall, I just don't want it to seem shittty.

lpstl · October 2009

How old are the other kids? Do you have an age cut off established, or will you have kids at the wedding?

RachNRich · October 2009

One is a senior in college, another is a senior in high school, and the youngest is a sophomore in high school. We have a no children rule (a lot of friend have young babies--Vegas isn't the best setting for them)---We'd be more comfortable with individuals older that 2 at a Vegas wedding.

harbor_girl · October 2009

If you have a no children rule, I think only inviting 18-and-over may technically be okay - but will the high school senior turn 18 before the wedding? If so, it may be especially awkward to invite the high school senior and the college kid, but not the sophomore in high school.

lpstl · October 2009

He could technically get around the whole thing by just inviting the 19 year old without the parents. There's still a risk the other siblings he tutored are going to be hurt though.I just don't think he can get by with inviting the 19 year old, his parents, but not the other kids considering the ages. And the more I think about it, the more I'm convinced he needs to invite the entire family.

harbor_girl · October 2009

I agree with Lpstl.

polichik · October 2009

I think that if he hadn't met the siblings, it would be ok, but since he tutored them as well, it would be pretty crappy to play clear favorites. It could potentially damage the tutoring relationship as well.So, I'd invite them all, but with such a small wedding I can see why you'd want to keep it only to people you know best. Tricky one.

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