Maid of Horror

kjersten&tennis · August 2010

My Maid of Honor is also my seamstress- doing my alterations and making my bridesmaid dresses. While I'm very grateful for all she's doing, she's being absolutely evil about it. She's constantly making rude comments about me and my fiance, talking trash to everyone else about how I "keep changing my mind" (I changed my mind from one color set to considering another, debating both, and then finalizing one!), never there when I need her (and responds with a "Well, good luck!" when I ask her to help with something), one-upping everyone in my Bridal Party (including and sometimes especially myself), and reminding me how terribly lucky I am to have her as a friend. When I start to get mad at her, she pulls something to the effect of, "You can't get mad at me because then you won't have a seamstress" This is true, and I don't know that I could afford another seamstress right now, but she's essentially holding my wedding hostage. Isn't the MOH supposed to make this LESS stressful? How do I deal with her? HELP!

TheDuckis · August 2010

That's what you get when you put your friends to work.

*Barbie* · August 2010

1) you did this to yourself. friends and vendors don't mix

2) if you can't afford to pay for alterations on your dress, you shouldn't be getting married. build some financial stability, then get married.

3) why can't your bridesmaids get their own dresses? let MOH alter your gown, and tell your girls to go get their own dresses.

4) you need a FITB.

SeptemberFall2011 · August 2010

Considering I have a bit of my own Maid of Horror and quite sick of it-I say have her do the alterations get your stuff back then tell her thank you for her help but you've decided to have someone else be the maid of honor. If she asks why Tell her that you appreciated her seamstress skills but you did not appreciate her talking badly about you and your fiance.

*Barbie* · August 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_wedding-woes_maid-of-horror?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:47Discussion:7cfd6a62-6dca-4603-8086-76d80a190a6dPost:eafcb587-98a3-439b-9370-6c8f142278ce">Maid of Horror</a>:
[QUOTE]My Maid of Honor is also my seamstress- doing my alterations and making my bridesmaid dresses. While I'm very grateful for all she's doing, she's being absolutely evil about it. She's constantly making rude comments about me and my fiance, talking trash to everyone else about how I "keep changing my mind" (I changed my mind from one color set to considering another, debating both, and then finalizing one!), never there when I need her (and responds with a "Well, good luck!" when I ask her to help with something), one-upping everyone in my Bridal Party (including and sometimes especially myself), and reminding me how terribly lucky I am to have her as a friend. When I start to get mad at her, she pulls something to the effect of, "You can't get mad at me because then you won't have a seamstress" This is true, and I don't know that I could afford another seamstress right now, but she's essentially holding my wedding hostage. Isn't the MOH supposed to make this LESS stressful? How do I deal with her? HELP!
Posted by kjersten&tennis[/QUOTE]

*Barbie* · August 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_wedding-woes_maid-of-horror?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:47Discussion:7cfd6a62-6dca-4603-8086-76d80a190a6dPost:e6704501-1ce8-4649-8905-9972f639dd39">Re: Maid of Horror</a>:
[QUOTE]Considering I have a bit of my own Maid of Horror and quite sick of it-I say have her do the alterations get your stuff back then tell her thank you for her help but you've decided to have someone else be the maid of honor. If she asks why Tell her that you appreciated her seamstress skills but you did not appreciate her talking badly about you and your fiance.
Posted by SeptemberFall2011[/QUOTE]

<div>wow, you're a peach. <em>GREAT SUGGESTION!!!</em></div><div><em>
</em></div><div>please use MOH for her sewing skills, then demote/fire her as MOH, and come back and complain about how you lost your BFF.</div>

hmonkey · August 2010

she's making the bridesmaid dresses? by any chance, is she natalie of natalie&mark?

and how do you feel about polyps?

jortiz1 · August 2010

I would just talk to her. She might be headstrong and not realize what she's doing. You should calmly tell her how you feel and add something along the lines of " I appreciate all of the help you're giving me by being my steamstress but can we focus on only saying positive things? It's really stressing me out. You're a great friend, which is why I asked you to be my maid of honor. So can you do this for me?" Getting mad causes most people to respond defensively and or childishly.

She's obviously a dear friend to you if you asked her to be your maid of honor. I think you guys should talk it out. If she still won't cooperate then she's not a good friend, dump her. You'll figure out what to do about the dresses and you'll be a lot less stressed!

Good luck! xoxo

Mrs.Thistletwat · August 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_wedding-woes_maid-of-horror?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:47Discussion:7cfd6a62-6dca-4603-8086-76d80a190a6dPost:e6704501-1ce8-4649-8905-9972f639dd39">Re: Maid of Horror</a>:
[QUOTE]Considering I have a bit of my own Maid of Horror and quite sick of it-I say have her do the alterations get your stuff back then tell her thank you for her help but you've decided to have someone else be the maid of honor. If she asks why Tell her that you appreciated her seamstress skills but you did not appreciate her talking badly about you and your fiance.
Posted by SeptemberFall2011[/QUOTE]

You're a tactless moron.

Be sure you know who you are having in your BP before asking them to be in your BP. And be very aware that if you follow September's adviSe that this woman will no longer be any sort of friend.

hmonkey · August 2010

[QUOTE]but can we focus on only saying positive things?
Posted by jortiz1[/QUOTE]

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

hmonkey · August 2010

[QUOTE]why were you ever friends in the first place?
Posted by Wifezzilla[/QUOTE]

probably because the friend could sew and therefore provide services to op.

PeonyPrincesskdd · August 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_wedding-woes_maid-of-horror?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:47Discussion:7cfd6a62-6dca-4603-8086-76d80a190a6dPost:eafcb587-98a3-439b-9370-6c8f142278ce">Maid of Horror</a>:
[QUOTE]My Maid of Honor is also my seamstress- doing my alterations and making my bridesmaid dresses. While I'm very grateful for all she's doing, she's being absolutely evil about it. She's constantly making rude comments about me and my fiance, talking trash to everyone else about how I "keep changing my mind" (I changed my mind from one color set to considering another, debating both, and then finalizing one!), never there when I need her (and responds with a "Well, good luck!" when I ask her to help with something), one-upping everyone in my Bridal Party (including and sometimes especially myself), and reminding me how terribly lucky I am to have her as a friend. When I start to get mad at her, she pulls something to the effect of, "You can't get mad at me because then you won't have a seamstress" This is true, and I don't know that I could afford another seamstress right now, but she's essentially holding my wedding hostage. <strong>Isn't the MOH supposed to make this LESS stressful?</strong> How do I deal with her? HELP!
Posted by kjersten&tennis[/QUOTE]

No the MOH is not supposed to be make it less stressful. You need to handle your stress yourself and you shouldn't consider all of this to be stress.

Maybe your friend is stressed with all the work she has to do and maybe she feels you don't appreciate her services and what she is doing for you as a friend.

Heffalump · August 2010

Fire her. But wait until after she's done sewing. YWIA.

PeonyPrincesskdd · August 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_wedding-woes_maid-of-horror?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:47Discussion:7cfd6a62-6dca-4603-8086-76d80a190a6dPost:c5b9ee77-c2c3-4ab2-8e50-d1e6c336184a">Re: Maid of Horror</a>:
[QUOTE]I would just talk to her. She might be headstrong and not realize what she's doing. You should calmly tell her how you feel and add something along the lines of " I appreciate all of the help you're giving me by being my steamstress<strong> but can we focus on only saying positive things? It's really stressing me out.</strong> You're a great friend, which is why I asked you to be my maid of honor. So can you do this for me?" Getting mad causes most people to respond defensively and or childishly. She's obviously a dear friend to you if you asked her to be your maid of honor. I think you guys should talk it out. <strong>If she still won't cooperate then she's not a good friend, dump her. </strong>You'll figure out what to do about the dresses and you'll be a lot less stressed! Good luck! xoxo
Posted by jortiz1[/QUOTE]

<strong>"But can we focus on only saying positive things?"</strong>

- You can't tell people what they can or can't talk about. If MOH is stressed out with making dresses in color A and then making them in color B she's allowed to speak her mind and vent her frustrations.

<strong>"It's really stressing me out"</strong>
- Ever think about how the bride might be stressing the MOH out? Maybe the bride needs to be a little more considerate of her friend being stressed out and stop focusing about herself being stressed out.

<strong>"If she still won't cooperate then she's not a good friend so dump her"</strong>

- this has got to be the worst advice. You can't dump a MOH who you already asked to be in the wedding party. Bride chose to ask this friend to be MOH, Bride needs to deal with it. You can't kick someone out of your wedding party just because your "stressed out" let alone any reason.. other than if she slept with your FI

AbbeyS2011 · August 2010

KJ: Try talking to her about her attitude of late. If after voicing your concerns, she continues to be a royal bitch and hold the fact that she is your seamstress over your head, let her finish the job, then kick her to the curb as far as your wedding is concerned. You will be better off.

I have yet to see a law anywhere that says you asked someone to be in your BP, they have to stay unless they sleep with the groom. That is total BS! It sounds like this friendship is on the rocks anyway, so make it official!

PeonyPrincesskdd · August 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_wedding-woes_maid-of-horror?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:47Discussion:7cfd6a62-6dca-4603-8086-76d80a190a6dPost:d08f8e48-af31-479e-b5b0-f18fb4188384">Re: Maid of Horror</a>:
[QUOTE]KJ: Try talking to her about her attitude of late. If after voicing your concerns, she continues to be a royal bitch and hold the fact that she is your seamstress over your head,<strong> let her finish the job, then kick her to the curb as far as your wedding is concerned. You will be better off.</strong> I have yet to see a law anywhere that says you asked someone to be in your BP, they have to stay unless they sleep with the groom. That is total BS! It sounds like this friendship is on the rocks anyway, so make it official!
Posted by AbbeyS2011[/QUOTE]

Really? Let her finish her job and then kick her to the curb as far as the wedding is concerned? That is not cool. If she is going to be that immature and bratty, then she will lose this friend forever and I guess she doesn't care. I guess being a bride gives her some sort of entitlement to kick anyone to the curb, even her best friend MOH, just because she doesn't get her way and she gets a little annoyed or stressed out with her. That's life. Deal with it.

If this weren't a wedding thing, do you think just because she gets upset or in a little fight with her friend she should kick her to the curb in regard to social occasions? A wedding is a social occasion where the MOH was going to have an important role. Now if she kicks her out, what is that really saying about what kind of friend the bride is. This whole kicking to the curb doesn't hapen in real life but for some reason brides think they can do all that in regards to their wedding..

kjersten&tennis · August 2010

We met right before we graduated, and it seemed like she's always been there for me, but I never really realized what a self-centered brat she was. As for her being stressed over it, all she's done so far (halfway from engagement to wedding date) is her dress, and one fabric shopping trip. I'm not going to make her do stuff and then kick her, as that would be beyond rude. I'm just wondering how to confront her and tell her she needs to stop being such a beast, or kick her out before any progress is made.

PeonyPrincesskdd · August 2010

That can be why your having a problem. You chose someone you just haven't known all too many years. When choosing a MOH you are supposed to choose a super close friend or relative. Someone who's been by your side through it all. Someone who really cares about you and cherishes your friendship. A real true friend.

A friend you just met close to graduation may not be the one to choose as your MOH, unless you really are super close best friends. If this friend isn't super close, why would you expect so much of her?

"As for her being stressed over it, all she's done so far (halfway from engagement to wedding date) is her dress, and one fabric shopping trip"

You mention that ALL SHE"S DONE is make the dress and fabric shopping. That MAY be all she's done for your wedding, but that may not be the only thing going on in her life.

She may also have work, or school, or family, or her own extracurricular activities like shopping or going to the gym.. activities which she shouldn't have to stop just to help plan your wedding or do things for you.

I know that I have a strict walking schedule. I must fit in a 4 mile walk a day. This is a ritual and routine that I don't like to get out of. I am not going to change my routine just to work around some bride's schedule so I can do more for her.

That's not realistic and it's not fair. Just making the dresses alone is a big enough job when she has other things in her life going on that are important to her. You make it sound like her life should revolve around the wedding.

I know if I wanted to comfortably continue my current routine and chores such as grocery shopping, cooking, cleaning, planning my daughters birthday party, and then fitting in my walk, it would be really hard to squeeze in that time for dress making and it would be really inconvenient.

It really is a lot of work and being in a wedding can alter your life and routine a little.. and her making the dresses is already doing that. so I wouldn't complain that that's "All she's doing" because she's taking on a lot with that alone.

You need to appreciate what she is doing for you and if you need help with other things you have other bridesmaids, a mother, a sister in law, a mother in law, or go hire a wedding planner, because it's never right to complain that a bridesmaid isn't doing enough for you because you expect more from them, when you need to lower your expectation and come back to reality that you can do things on your own since it's your wedding or you can hire a planner.

PeonyPrincesskdd · August 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_wedding-woes_maid-of-horror?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:47Discussion:7cfd6a62-6dca-4603-8086-76d80a190a6dPost:24af66cd-c00b-4727-bb84-0a4356760cbb">Re: Maid of Horror</a>:
[QUOTE]We met right before we graduated, and it seemed like she's always been there for me, but I never really realized what a<strong> self-centered brat she was. </strong>As for her being stressed over it, <strong>all she's done so far (halfway from engagement to wedding date) is her dress, and one fabric shopping trip.</strong> I'm not going to make her do stuff and then kick her, as that would be beyond rude. I'm just wondering <strong>how to confront her and tell her she needs to stop being such a beast, or kick her out before any progress is made.
</strong>Posted by kjersten&tennis[/QUOTE]

Also I wouldn't confront her. I would stop being so sensitive and acting like a drama queen and let this go. Also, do not kick her out either. You are over reacting and blowing something so petty out of proportion

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