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Since I've been engaged....

LeenieLaneLeenieLane member
First Anniversary First Comment
in Chit Chat
...I've been getting awesome wedding related advice and ideas from all of my male co-workers and brothers. I feel like a majority of them secretly wanted to help with the planning of their own wedding and were completely shafted, or didnt speak up and are regretting it!

My wedding is a ways away obviously, but my FI's outlook is "tell me when to show up & what to wear". I'm sure he will be more interested as we get closer to planning, but was/is your FI involved in the planning?
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Re: Since I've been engaged....

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    OwningAHome1981OwningAHome1981 member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its Name Dropper First Comment
    Most men are not interested in the planning. My FI will help if I provide the contact info- he will make the calls, but I did the "shopping" for all the vendors and made most of the appointments. He obv doesn't care about the flowers or my BM dresses or things like that, but he did come to a photographer with me and he has made some calls. I think maybe it gets closer he will be more into it. I'm not so much into the planning either but someone's gotta do it.
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    AddieCakeAddieCake member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    My husband cared about 2 things: having lemon flavored wedding cake and Star Wars music as our recessional. 
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
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    LeenieLaneLeenieLane member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_since-ive-been-engaged?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:5f73b002-c165-4c98-96c0-71f552923abdPost:511df387-c640-4d59-8637-90a99b55c22e">Re: Since I've been engaged....</a>:
    [QUOTE]My husband cared about 2 things: having <strong>lemon flavored wedding cake</strong> and Star Wars music as our recessional. 
    Posted by AddieL73[/QUOTE]

    YUM! I'm sure my FI will come to life when it is time for tastings!
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    AddieCakeAddieCake member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_since-ive-been-engaged?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:5f73b002-c165-4c98-96c0-71f552923abdPost:1ee33253-317c-40fb-a2e4-56cf34056582">Re: Since I've been engaged....</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Since I've been engaged.... : YUM! I'm sure my FI will come to life when it is time for tastings!
    Posted by LeenieLane[/QUOTE]

    <div>He didn't even taste it until the reception, and all he ate of it was the bite we fed to each other. He's not even into sweets, so I have no idea why he cared about the cake flavor. </div>
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
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    cevans11cevans11
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_since-ive-been-engaged?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:5f73b002-c165-4c98-96c0-71f552923abdPost:511df387-c640-4d59-8637-90a99b55c22e">Re: Since I've been engaged....</a>:
    [QUOTE]My husband cared about 2 things: having lemon flavored wedding cake and Star Wars music as our recessional. 
    Posted by AddieL73[/QUOTE]
    Ha! I've been trying to convince FI that we need some Star Wars music somewhere in the  ceremony. He's more of a Trekkie though. Somehow, we'll make things work ;)
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    mcda04mcda04 member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its Name Dropper First Comment
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_since-ive-been-engaged?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:5f73b002-c165-4c98-96c0-71f552923abdPost:3fb561d3-8a8f-4c28-89a0-cfc1e1cc3c35">Re: Since I've been engaged....</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Since I've been engaged.... : He didn't even taste it until the reception, and all he ate of it was the bite we fed to each other. He's not even into sweets, so I have no idea why he cared about the cake flavor. 
    Posted by AddieL73[/QUOTE]

    H also picked lemon cake. It was so good.

    OP, my H was short of becoming a groomzilla. I think he was just really stressed out so he complained about his GM's a few times. Luckily, i had TK to put him in his place. lol. He was involved in everything. Especially the DJ and it ended up being really sucky.
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    GinaV0822GinaV0822 member
    5 Love Its First Comment
    My FI has been completely involved.  He even made us an accordian folder with everything neatly organized.  We've had so much fun picking out stuff together.  I am greatful that he's organized because I tend to get all frazzled.  Our wedding will be completely tailored to us since we're both involved 100%.  I had no idea there were any guys out there like my FI!


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    GoodLuckBear14GoodLuckBear14 member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its Combo Breaker First Comment
    DH was involved in everything except the flowers.  He knows how much I love them and he couldn't care less.  We did not ever try for perfect.  If we both liked you and your price, then you were hired.  Made it very easy.
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    achiduckachiduck member
    5 Love Its First Comment
    Pretty much all H wanted was a Rolls Royce which I happily went along with. Everything else was planned by me and I usually just showed him a picture of a cake, flowers, etc and said "this is what we're dong." It gave him a chance to object but 99% of the time he was pretty much like "ya, ok."
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    lls31lls31 member
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    edited December 2012
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_since-ive-been-engaged?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:5f73b002-c165-4c98-96c0-71f552923abdPost:cb20462c-9fbe-4101-80f3-a2181be3a780">Since I've been engaged....</a>:
    [QUOTE]...I've been getting awesome wedding related advice and ideas from all of my male co-workers and brothers. I feel like a majority of them secretly wanted to help with the planning of their own wedding and were completely shafted, or didnt speak up and are regretting it! My wedding is a ways away obviously, but my FI's outlook is<strong> "tell me when to show up & what to wear"</strong>. I'm sure he will be more interested as we get closer to planning, but was/is your FI involved in the planning?
    Posted by LeenieLane[/QUOTE]

    <div>My H said the exact same thing.  He ended up coming up with the idea for our centerpieces, he chose our cake flavor, and he also had a lot of input on our menu and music.  He and I did all of our DIY projects together.  And I don't recall planning anything without at least asking his opinion first.  I know some men are very hands on with wedding planning and I know some men want nothing to do with it.  I think my H fit the perfect happy medium.   </div>
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    LeenieLaneLeenieLane member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_since-ive-been-engaged?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:5f73b002-c165-4c98-96c0-71f552923abdPost:ad73842a-da47-4beb-9b1b-b520bbcc76e7">Re: Since I've been engaged....</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Since I've been engaged.... : My H said the exact same thing.  He ended up coming up with the idea for our centerpieces, he chose our cake flavor, and he also had a lot of input on our menu and music.  <strong>He and I did all of our DIY projects together.</strong>  And I don't recall planning anything without at least asking his opinion first.  I know some men are very hands on with wedding planning and I know some men want nothing to do with it.  I think my H fit the perfect happy medium.   
    Posted by lls31[/QUOTE]

    This just got me thinking.....my FI is very crafty and artsy. I can always make a few DIY projects so I have his involvement in <em>something</em>. I truly do believe when the day comes to start planning he will get involved, but if I start  a DIY project he will be all over that!

    Thank you :)
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    NYCMercedesNYCMercedes member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    My husband said his job was to shake hands.
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    erinlin25erinlin25 member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Answer First Comment
    There are things my FI were into and others not so much.  He did venue hunting with me and was very helpful and it was nice to get his opinion and be excited for those things.  Then he's down to go to the food planning and cake tasting and we are thinking of having a band so would be into picking that.  I pretty much show him ideas on other things and like most FI he just says, "yeah sure, sounds good."  He really wanted to come dress shopping with me, and was bummed when I told him he couldn't, and I think a little hurt when I actually did shop w/o him and bought the dress-- but he understood why I wanted it that way and is actually now just so excited to see it on the day (I did at least show him some pictures of dresses before hand so I could his opinion on what he absolutely hated and what he liked and luckily we shared the same opinion!).  He did however try to pull the he gets to pick his and GM attire w/o me since he didn't get to pick my dress, but I know its a joke for he doesn't even shop for himself on a regular day, haha, so I plan on helping him in that department (I'm all for him picking ideas, but would at least like to approve or narrow it down to options for him.
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    BulgariHeartBulgariHeart member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    Yes, 100% involved. We planned everything together, down to the tiniest details. It all started when he surprised me by putting the deposit down the secure our date. In the end he also paid for more than half of it. 
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    shaina925shaina925 member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    My husband wasn't too involved, he wanted me to chose what I liked.  He did come to every meeting/appointment that we had and he helped me choose our first dance song.  He was just happy to be getting married and didn't care about the details like I did.  I feel like that is pretty standard, but I do know that some FI's are more involved than others.  Just depends on the guy!
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    PeledreamsofrainPeledreamsofrain member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Answer Name Dropper
    My H was very supportive, and offered help, but it was kind of hard to beat a lifetime's worth of social conditioning, and stay focused on ribbons, colors, calligraphy, and doilies.  He'd give it a good go, but the eyes would glaze, and I'd get 'whatever you want, dear."

    So, we focused on what really mattered to him.  He wanted to pick the cake flavors, have custom vows, have certain songs played at the reception, etc.  We made sure he got all the items he wanted (within reason, the superman caketopper was nixed but it was mostly proposed to see my reaction anyway :P).  It made him so happy.

    Don't make me mobilize OffensiveKitten

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    Winterstarlips25Winterstarlips25
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    Since my Fiance, has been off work for almost 8 months due to a Motor Vehicle Accident; he has been there for me 95%. He has no idea about his surprise Groom's cake and also I made a scrapbook about us, and I mostly got whatever looks good to you, babe. He did mix the music after we decided on the songs together.  
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    absolutkatehabsolutkateh
    First Comment First Anniversary
    In Response to Since I've been engaged....:

    I'm learning that guys often have more of a vision than they let on. As my FI and I talk through the planning I have learned that he has a lot of ideas as to what the wedding will be like even though the day we got engaged he told me "it's all up to you, it's whatever you want." Turns out it is not! So, I'd recommend as you plan, just telling him ideas of plans here and there or asking innocent questions to get a feel as to whether he really is as laissez-faire as he lets on. My sister had the same thing with her wedding and was scrambling last minute to accomodate her FI (now husband). Good luck!
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    cnf2013cnf2013 member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its Name Dropper Combo Breaker
    My FI has not only been very involved, but made a fair amount of the decisions. We've both made some compromises for the other at this point and it's exactly how I would want it. I like that he cares and wants say. It's OUR wedding and we're planning it together. He's actually been very excited over the last month or so, which is exciting to me. 
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    JaneAustensGhostJaneAustensGhost member
    5 Love Its Name Dropper First Answer First Comment
    My FI has been very hands on, and I'm so happy about that!  I think it would feel lonely if I was doing this alone.   
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    GardenMavenGardenMaven
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    I am the planner out of the two of us and I love researching things, so it doesn't surprise me that my FI is not very involved with the wedding planning.  It is not that I don't try to involve him, he just isn't that interested.  Basically this is what I get if I ask him about something:

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    coopsbabycoopsbaby member
    5 Love Its First Comment First Anniversary
    My fi is a lot more interested and involved than he thought he'd be, and I love it! I'm pretty easy going about a lot of details, so if he has a strong opinion about something I just go with what he wants. 

    He picked the ceremony and first dance music, helped pick out my dress, pretty much decided cake flavors (I did insist we have a plainer flavor as well, he wanted all "fun" flavors, but white cake is good too, and some people want that!). Heck he picked Vegas and helped decide on the chapel and reception venue. 

    He does defer to me in matters of etiquette, and making sure our guests are properly hosted, but I've had a wedding before (plus been in and to tons of others) so I have more experience with how things should go. I just love that so much of his personality will come through at the wedding!
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    RyansBelovedBrideRyansBelovedBride member
    First Comment
    edited December 2012
    Ryan kept barking at me to make a 'list of everything' for the wedding. I had a wedding planner (a binder book) and told him that and so I didn't want to have to make a new list.

    Finally I showed him the binder and his jaw dropped.

    He literally thought all we needed was to make a one page list, maybe front and back.

    I left the planner with him to read, but he just gave it back without it.

    We'll see how involved he gets closer to...
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    "I will greatly rejoice in the LORD, My soul shall be joyful in my God; For He has clothed me with the garments of salvation, He has covered me with the robe of righteousness, As a bridegroom decks himself with ornaments, And as a bride adorns herself with her jewels." -Isaiah 61:10 NKJV
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    [Deleted User][Deleted User] member
    First Comment 5 Love Its First Answer First Anniversary
    My wonderful FH is about 60% involved. He helped pick the venues, and the menu and the cake idea. The other roughly 40% is "Hey honey, what do you think of this?" "Sounds good." Or I'll send him a couple of different links to websites/idea for favor/guestbook/etc (since we're planning long-distance) and he'll say "I like #3 the best". 

    He's been a huge help in a lot of the planning, and I have told him (and my mom...) that I can't make any final decisions without his input. The only thing he won't have a final say on is my dress, but even that I've asked his input. He's banned me from anything super poofy and the extreme mermaid dresses, which is fine by me, since I wasn't planning on getting either of those styles, haha! Smile
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    julespinkribbonjulespinkribbon
    First Comment
    my fiance is involved in 100% of the planning. Although he is deployed overseas, we plan everything together via video chat, phone calls and text messages. We send pics back and forth, both have pinterest accounts, and have only really decided on the venue, date and colors so far. I "brought" him along with me on the venue visits through video chat and we decided together on our venue. He loves being involved and he returns home in feb from his deployment and that is when we will go together to look at photographers, djs, etc. I wouldn't have it any other way :)
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