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Pay for rebbitzen's airfare as well?

talgirl84talgirl84
First Comment
in Jewish Weddings
I'm getting married in June in Israel and we're bringing the rabbi. We're all in agreement that we will pay for the rabbi's airfare but now he's talking about his wife coming. Are we obligated to pay for her as well. We only need the rabbi to officiate.
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Re: Pay for rebbitzen's airfare as well?

  • RachiemooRachiemoo member
    First Anniversary First Comment Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    What was the original agreement? If the agreement was that you would pay for his airfare only then I would say you should stick to that. If you're still working on the agreement details and he is saying that he will only be able to do it if you pay for his wife as well then I guess that is something you need to think about. I personally do not think it is necessary that you pay for his wife.
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  • talgirl84talgirl84
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    The agreement was that he would marry us. We didn't get into specifics about his wife.
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  • RachiemooRachiemoo member
    First Anniversary First Comment Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    did he ask you to pay for his wife outright, is he hinting at it or did he just mention his wife wife may come too and you feel that maybe you should pay? just trying to understand the situation....
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  • goldgoldgoldgold
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I don't think you should have to pay for her. If you need to tell him, you could say that his wife is welcome to come, but you cannot afford to cover her airfare.Do you have to pay for his hotel too? Is there an extra cost for his wife to come?
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  • slbriz34slbriz34
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    When a guest is invited and he/she is married, the assumption (even if not written on the invite or mentioned) is that the person's better half is included, because they are a unit.  Perhaps the rabbi has this implicit idea in mind. However, since he is being asked to provide a service, which is costing you by way of airfare, then if he's suggesting that his wife join, that must be at his own expense and not yours.  Have a frank discussion and tell him that you can only afford to pay for his airfare and while his wife is more than welcome to join, it will be at their own expense. Is this rabbi someone you've known for years?  If so, perhaps then that might explain any implicit mention of his wife coming along.  But I'd definitely get this cleared up as soon as possible.  GL.
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  • silversparkssilversparks member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    No, you are not obligated to pay for his wife... but I agree with pps that you want to find out if he expects this and come to an agreement about exactly what you are paying for asap.
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  • MoFreeMoFree member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I don't see you you are obligated to pay his wife's airfare and think it unreasonable for him to even intimate that. As a comparable, I met my husband when he was in Europe on business and there was no expectation that the client would pay my fare. I hope this issue is not a dealbreaker for you.
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  • BenandDinaBenandDina
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I don't think that it's an obligation at all, and if that is an intimated expectation, I'd be frank about not being able to afford her airfare but express my hope that she would indeed choose to attend as a guest.
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  • Rebecca TorielloRebecca Toriello member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    No you are not responsible to pay the rebbitzen's airfair, but will the Rabbi agree to go without his wife. If says No then you will need another Rabbi
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