Assuming their in the Wedding

mrs-smith2b · October 2009

Hi I'm new, but I'm having a little problem, and I'm wondering how I should deal with this. So my FI's sister has a 2 year old and a 3 month old (they will be 3 1/2 and just barely 1 at the time of the wedding) She has just assumed that they will be our ring bearer and flower girl. The 2 year old is definitely in the terrible twos(screams, cries, fits all the time) and the baby girl will probably hardly be able to walk. Without being rude how do I tell her that there is no way her kids are gonna be in our wedding? (BTW FI agrees)

LesPaul · October 2009

You're not obligated to put anyone in your WP, and it's rude of FSIL to assume they're going to be in the wedding. I would ignore the issue, and if she presses just say that you aren't going to have a RB or FG. It's not mandatory.

TurtlesAllTheWayDown · October 2009

I wouldn't bring it up at all. Your wedding is a year away. If SHE brings it up, just tell her you're not having kids in the wedding party. In a nice way.

gkb0910 · October 2009

You don't need to come out and say they're not going to be in the wedding. Just go about your business and ask who you'd like to be in your bridal party. Next time it comes up with your FSIL, have your FI tell her that you've already chosen your bridal party. If you think it'd help, tell it's because you don't want to put her out, cost extra money, just want her to be able to attend as a guest without extra pressure/work, you won't be having a FG or RB because you don't want kids in the WP. Unfortunately it's a tough situation, so I think a little white lie here isn't the worst thing, just make sure she can't combat it.

uppereastgirl · October 2009

I think if it comes up you just have to politely say "I'm sorry, but we've decided that we aren't going to have a ring bearer or flower girl." A little awkward, but I don't think there's any more magical way to do it. Since it is your FI's family, maybe have him the the bearer of bad news? I can say things to my sister or parents that my husband wouldn't feel comfortable saying, and vice versa.I've seen some BAD flower girl situations even with older children... I don't think you're making a bad decision at all.

mrs-smith2b · October 2009

Yeah...I have just ignored her thus far. I guess I should have said in the first post that I watch my 4 year old cousin all the time, and I thought if we have one she will be it. Thanks for the help! And FSIL and family are invited as guests.

mrs-smith2b · October 2009

I think that's a good idea letting my FI deal with this. My only concern with that is that he's a guy so he'll just say, "Nope we're not having them," in a not so delicate way. But then I guess that's not my fault. I don't want tantrums on my wedding day. They'll be the youngest children in attendance in the first place and that worries me let alone the thought of making them walk down the aisle.

tenofcups4me · October 2009

He should tell her. And soon. The longer the two of you let the misunderstanding go on, the more difficult it's going to be to talk about it and for her to get over it. Take care of this now so it doesn't become an ongoing problem.

Assuming their in the Wedding

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