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Catholic Weddings

full mass or just ceremony?

i'm trying to decide between doing a full mass for the wedding or just doing the "abridged" ceremony at the church. i would love a full mass, and there is plenty of time btw ceremony and coctail hour to allow for it. the only thing is, my fiance isn't catholic (plans to convert though, but not til after we are married and more settled) so he can't receive communion. would this be weird? having a full mass with communion, and the groom not receiving. this is basically the only thing holding me back from having a full mass.

Re: full mass or just ceremony?

  • edited December 2011
    What does your priest say?  How does your FI feel?  If both of these people are truly okay with it, I would have the Mass.
  • Calypso1977Calypso1977 member
    Knottie Warrior 2500 Comments 25 Love Its First Answer
    edited December 2011
    if your priest will allow you a mass, IMO, you shoudl have one.  not only will you receive your marriage sacrament, but you will also receive communion which is also a sacrament.  the extra blessings and graces you will receive will help you in your marriage, and help guide your fiance as he enters his conversion process. also, once he converts, he'll realize the importance of the mass, adn you wouldnt want him to regret not having it for the wedding.now, if he feels really uncomfortable now wtih doing the nuptial mass,tehn you should take that into consideration.  but if he's indifferent, my vote is for the mass.
  • edited December 2011
    I totally agree with Calypso1977.  Your wedding day is something that you will remember for the rest of your life and you don't want to have any regrets about it.  Definitely talk it over with your fiance and explain the Church's view on marriage as a sacrament.  You can go to catholicweddinghelp.com and it will answer/explain some of the questions/concerns your fiance may have.  I can understand where you are coming from, I just went through the RCIA process, was confirmed April of this year, and we are getting married June 2010, so we will have full nuptial mass.  I didn't understand why having a full Catholic wedding was so important to my fiance, but now I do.  Hope this helps.
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  • knwithamknwitham member
    10 Comments
    edited December 2011
    I am just going the abidged ceremony. Both FI and I are catholic, but a lot of our guests are not. We are having an evening ceremony, and neither of us minded not having a mass.
  • kmiller1012kmiller1012 member
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    My FI isn't catholic and my priest recommended not doing the full mass.  He said it is supposed to be something we can do together and since he can't take communion it would be awkward.  He said it is also awkward for FI family.  I always wanted a full mass, but once he explained the only thing they are taking out is communion, I felt better about doing just the ceremony.
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  • kmiller1012kmiller1012 member
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Sorry, not sure why it came out bold.  It wasn't that way when I typed it.
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  • clearheavensclearheavens member
    Knottie Warrior 1000 Comments Name Dropper 5 Love Its
    edited December 2011
    I echo Calypso1977's opinion 100%.
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  • clearheavensclearheavens member
    Knottie Warrior 1000 Comments Name Dropper 5 Love Its
    edited December 2011
    Also don't know why it's bold for me, too.
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  • Riss91Riss91 member
    Eighth Anniversary 1000 Comments 25 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited December 2011
    I also agree that with Calypso! And the bold is due to knwitham's siggy - the coding is screwed up...
  • edited December 2011
    IMO it should up to your FI. If he would feel left out or uncomfortable, I wouldn't do it.If he is fine with it, go for it.
  • edited December 2011
    My DH isn't Catholic but really likes the religion and plans to convert. We had a full mass and DH did not feel left out at all. DH recieved a blessing and he says he is always filled with great joy and believes that Jesus is entering him through the blessing just like he is entering me though the host. DH family said that they didn't feel awkward and many of them came up for the blessing. I'd talk it over with your FI and his family if you are worried about anything. I think too many people say that non-Catholics will feel left out without actually asking them how they feel.
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  • ootmother2ootmother2 member
    Tenth Anniversary 5000 Comments 25 Love Its First Answer
    edited December 2011
    ditto IrishThis choice should be your FI's totally.If he converts, you will be receiving communion with him for the rest of yours lives.  Don't make him uncomfortable at his own wedding.
  • knwithamknwitham member
    10 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Sorry about the bolding everyone.....I don't know how that happend! I am horrible with html, but I think I fixed it!
  • edited December 2011
    we're both catholic, but didn't have a mass. Do whatever BOTH of you feel comfortable with. Personally though, I get a little put off with one person taking communion and the other not at a ceremony uniting you. But that's just one person's opinion, and the only opinions that REALLY matter are you and your FI's. :) good luck, either decision will work out just fine.
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  • edited December 2011
    first of all, what the heck is a "full mass"?  you either have a mass or you don't.  i never got this.  secondly, i disagree with some PP... i certainly think you should have a mass, esp. if it means something to you, and your FI it obviously is important enough to mean something since he will be converting.  why would he be uncomfortable not receiving communion?  he won't be catholic at the time, it won't matter.  it's not a big deal.  have the mass.
  • edited December 2011
    He might be uncomfortable because its something that he is being left out of on HIS wedding day.I don't see why its so odd to even consider that he might have an opinion. This should be a decision they make together...not one she simply gets to trump him on.
  • edited December 2011
    thanks everyone for your insight - i feel more confident in my decision now. i don't think that FI would mind either way. as for his family, his immediate family is not catholic or religious, but only because his grandfather married a methodist and converted for her. the whole rest of his extended family is catholic! as a matter of fact - the priest marrying us his fi's father's cousin! i think that fi will be alright if we do full mass. we've grown so much closer since we started sharing our faith, which fi whole-heartedly wants to participate in. i think that he understands how important it is to me and wants to make me happy. i feel like i'd always regret it if i didn't do the whole mass.
  • edited December 2011
    i certainly agree he should have an opinion; from this OP i didn't get the sense that was the question.
  • edited December 2011
    You asked why would he ever be uncomfortable. I simply explained some possibilities. OP: glad it worked out :D
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