I can't choose which girl to be my Maid of Honor

gmb92388 · October 2009

Ok so I have three girls and I can't pick. I feel like three MoH would be too manyJulie- She has been a MoH twice and is practically a pro at it and will go out of her way to make everything perfect. Did i mention she's my oldest sister.Jennie- She is my other sister and wants to be my MoH sooo bad. She isn't very close with many women and feels like this is her only chance to be a MoH. She will get REALLY upset if I don't choose her but she is kinda lazy.Krystle- She is not a sister but has been my best friend for 9 years. She doesn't know anything about weddings but would try her hardest to help me in any way I can.I could always pick both my sisters and then have two MoH's.Who ever I don't pick will still be a bridesmaid in the wedding

emilykathleen511 · October 2009

I say don't have a MOH, and just have bridesmaids. For the record, your MOH is not unpaid staff. Just sayin'. Maybe you should pick based on who you're closest to, and not who will serve as best slave laborer.

LarissaAnn · October 2009

You honestly don't need a maid of honor at all, especially if it's going to cause drama. You're well within your rights to say, "I love you all and can't choose, so I want to honor you all equally as bridesmaids." If you feel you do need a maid of honor, it should be the person you're closest to. Maid of honor is not a job position, it's an honor position. And any bridesmaid, MOH, friend, or family member can help you with your wedding - or not - as THEY see fit. The only person who DOES have an obligation to help you with wedding stuff is your FI.

leeshab1982 · October 2009

It really shouldn't be about who knows the most about weddings or is willing to help the most. Your MOH should be your closest friend, whether they are blood related or not. While it's definitely awesome to have your girls help out with wedding planning, it's not something that you should consider when choosing your bridal party. If they offer to help, great! But it shouldn't be a deciding factor. My MOH has two babies under 2 and works full-time. She hardly has time to shower on a daily basis, let alone help me with every little detail of my wedding. But, she's the best person I know and that's why I chose her. If you look at it in terms of who you are closest to and you still can't decide, I'd just ask them all to be BM and not have a MOH.

bablingbrooke · October 2009

Don't pick/not pick anyone based on what you ASSUME they will/will not do for you. It's an honor given to your closest friend, not a job given to the person most into wedding planning. You are setting yourself up for disappointment if you set your expectations this high. Ask them assuming they will just buy the dress and show up, and that way you can't be disappointed but rather pleasantly surprised. If you can't pick your MOH within four seconds, it's a sign that you either 1) are using the wrong criteria to pick one, and/or 2) you have too many close female friends to pick w/o hurting anyone. I would say that both apply to you, and to spare any hurt feelings just don't have a MOH. "I love you all too much to choose between you, so I won't have a MOH."

[Deleted User] · October 2009

I would either just have all BM or have your 2nd sister as MOH. You are not auditioning a slave so it doesn't matter that she is "lazy". It seems to really mean a lot to her so that's who I would go with, it sounds like the others don't matter. GL.

megk8oz · October 2009

I would honestly say just don't pick an MOH (Trust me, having one is not a requirement for your marriage to be legal).Like Brooke said, you should be able to pick after about 5 seconds of thinking about it, if you can't then that really just means you love everybody equally.You shouldn't pick your oldest sister just because you think "she'll be good at it". Nobody in your bridal party is required [And therefore should not be expected] to do anything more than get the attire you pick and show up wearing it day of, clean and sober. That's it, anything else that BP chooses to do for you of their own volition is just gravy.You shouldn't pick your other sister just because "This may be her only chance". I basically had to choose between my 2 sisters (I am from a family where not picking a sister as MOH just is not worth the sh*t storm it starts ... but that is just my family), and its pretty much a set in stone fact that my older sister will never get an opportunity to be somebody's MOH. She doesn't have many friends, and my younger sister will end up picking me (Again, for the sake of preventing the family drama) because the 2 of them HATE each other ... and that's never going to change.But the fact of the matter is, while I feel bad my older sister will probably never get the chance, there's other circumstances that make me know that I'm never going to have a great relationship with her (She has said and done some truly horrible things to my mom, and I just know I will never be able to trust her completely and have a total "sister bond" with her because of it). My younger sister and I have been close on and off through the years, and right now we're actually on the "distant" side. She's 19 and doing the whole "college" thing, and she's already told me the that since she's never had a serious relationship it makes it hard for her to "get" the whole "wedding thing" . But I do know unless something drastically changes, when things even out in the future, we will be close once again.I wound up choosing my little sister based on this, even knowing that she's never even been to a wedding as just a guest. So far she's only gone with me dress shopping once, and she helped me tie the ribbons on my initiations ... which I'm still in a bit of shock that she volunteered to do even that for me. I don't regret the decision I made, because I've been pretty "self-sufficient" on this whole thing. If I need help I ask FI or my mom. If they can't help, I either do it myself, or I scrap the idea.Anyway, my whole point is to just pick them all as BMs, unless there's something in your gut telling you to pick one of them as MOH. And I don't mean your gut saying "Well, she's going to do the most for you", I mean the "Well, she really is so important to me, I can't imagine NOT having her as MOH". Best wishes!

Sooles · October 2009

accordign to your profile your wedding is 2 years away. there is NO WAY you should choose a MOH or bridesmaids yet!! you dont know whats going ot happen in the next 2 years!

lauralaur · October 2009

Ditto sooles and FWIW I have three bridesmaids and no maid of honor. There was no way I could pick.

banana468 · October 2009

Pick based on their relationship - not based on what they'll do.I picked my MOH based on how I felt about her, how close we were, and why I think she's my dearest friend.That she did awesome stuff was fantastic - but not the reason why I asked.

TheFutureMrsM-LoungingBeachside · November 2009

Please don't base your decision on "who can do it best" or "who can do the most" for you. I personally think that if you cannot decide on a MOH- as in it doesn't automatically come to mind who this would be- you should just have all bridesmaids or all MOHs. Neither of my MOH's has been one before but that didn't influence my decision. They were my two closest friends and it was an obvious decision. I have a good friend who is MOH in her sister's wedding and was very excited to be asked- only to find out that it was just an honorary title and her sister doesn't want her involved in traditional MOH things because her sister says she "doesn't know how to do it right". I can't even begin to explain how much that hurt my friend- who may never have been in a wedding before but was truly looking forward to being part of her sister's wedding.

I can't choose which girl to be my Maid of Honor

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