Ring Bear? Flower Girl?

mrsbjoloughlin · October 2009

I have been told that having a ring bear is a thing of the past? I have a 8 year old nephew that I was thinking about having be the ring bear. My FH says he doesn't want to have one at all because of his age and doesn't want him to screw things up like, get embarrassed and not walk down the aisle. My FH also feels this way about a flower girl. He doesn't want my 3 year old niece to be one either because of her age and we have been to alot of weddings where flower girls have been so young and haven't been able to fulfill their duties. I guess I am in the middle and not really sure what I want. I mean I know that I would love to have my niece and nephew apart of my wedding, but I can see where my FH is coming from and I don't want that to happen either. Also, worried what my brother and sister in law will think if I don't have them be apart of this day. Ideas? Suggestions? Experiences?

kj313 · October 2009

I don't think that a ring bearer or flower girl is a thing of the past, plenty of people still have them. We didn't have either because we didn't have any kids in our family that we wanted to have. We didn't miss having them. It's really your choice. It is true that sometimes kids aren't so cooperative but you can decide if you think the kids you choose would be able to fulfill their duties.

lilaah82 · October 2009

I think that its important to base this decision off of whether you or your fiance would regret not having them in the wedding. I don't think that they are a thing of the past or required. I guess first i would decide what you want...do you want pics of your lil niece dressed up and dropping flowers...if so then talk to your fiance about it. I think the decision should be made whether you want them there not whether they will fulfill their duties. They are kids and it could go either way. Pick the people important to you because they are important to you not to avoid hurt feelings or to fulfill a duty. There's my 2 cents which are worth to copper pennies.. -Alicia PS We didn't have them but it was because are immediate families don't have little children yet...

lilaah82 · October 2009

Oh just thought of an idea....you could have your nephew pull the lil girl in a wagon if you wanted....or do the here comes the bride sign thing too...just other ideas....

jacobe · October 2009

We are having more then one haha. We are huge family people and we both wanted as much of the family involved as possible.....at the time of our wedding our two ring bearers are FI's Son (4 years) and my nephew ( 3 years.) Our flowergirls will be his niece (5 years) and my niece (3 years). They may not cooperate and things may go worng but I guess to me it is one of those things where if them not cooperating the day of is the only thing that goes wrong it is no huge deal. I would rather take a chance on them then not at all. Again though we are HUGE family people. Another idea because this is what we are doing. We have jr bridesmaids and groomsmen and part of their job will be to help with the little ones. Just another idea

bassclrnt2004 · November 2009

I would talk to him about the importance of your family and how important it is for you. If he has a young cousin or niece/nephew see if he wants to include them. We are using my niece and his cousin who is just 7 mon ths younger. Its not uncommon to have 2 flower girls and 1 Ringbearer or vise versa. In my experience, the young ones can make some memorable moments and will lighten the mood abit. (just make sure you have crayons and coloring books in the front seats for them!)

isufans4ever · November 2009

I am having two 3 year old flowergirls and our "ringbearer" is going to be 19 months old. We don't realisticaly think that any of them will "Fulfill their duties" Those kids are very important to us and that is why we picked them. I also wanted to say that I saw an "accident" with a wagon pulled by an older child at a wedding recently...trust me...you would rather have them get "embarassed" and sit by their moms than have someone get hurt during your wedding

kellidanae · November 2009

We are having a 7year old "ring bearer" and he is walking down the same time as my 6 and 4 year old "flower girls". Our ring bearer is carrying a sign that says "here comes the bride" and walking with the girls as they ring bells instead of throw petals (our church doesn't allow petals). I think at this point, they aren't a thing of the past, but there are a lot of new twists to the idea. Kids get embarrassed, sometimes they act out. They are kids and that is reality. Most guest have children and would laugh or understand if this happens. My 4 year old niece is taking her job very seriously (as serious as a 4 year old would) and is very excited to wear her princess dress for Aunt Kelli's wedding. Can't imagine not having them as a part of it, but that is me. My dear friends 3 year old did exactly what he was supposed to at her wedding and was more quiet than the kids in the pews observing. Do what works best for you. I am sure your brother and sister in-law will understand, but I would perhaps not mention some of your FH feelings. Just knowing my sister, she would be offended if I told her I didnt' want the kids as part of the ceremony because they may or may not act out. Sit with FH and make a pros and cons list. My little cousin crawled under the pews and cried at my oldest sisters wedding 20 years ago. We just look back, laugh and tease my cousin about it now. Kids add to the memories. It is a lot to think about, but just remember that they can act that way in the wedding party, sitting w/ other guests observing, or in wal-mart. Kids will be kids. Sorry this got so long, but it seems it is potentially more important to you then your FI. GL

mrsbjoloughlin · November 2009

Thanks everyone for all of your responses!! I have alot to think about and should for sure have a conversation about this with my fiance.

jaylynn03 · November 2009

We are having 2 ring bearers and 2 flower girls - but instead of them walking down together they are walking down with a member of the bridal party (Like my niece will walk with my brother, my best friends son will walk down with her and etc). I figured this would help a bit in the nerves they might feel walking down the aisle in front of strangers. At first we were only going to have the 2 ring bearers because none of our friends or family had girls - then my brother had a little girl and we have become good friends with another friend who has a little girl so it worked out. I've seen many weddings without any and it didn't take away - it totally depends on how you feel.

When my friend got married she had her son, the ring bearer, walk me down the aisle (I was MOH). He did great but he was super comfortable with me too.

farmgirl8806 · November 2009

if it is important for u to have them in ur wedding then have them in ur wedding. it's not a big deal if they get shy and don't walk all the way dow; that's normal for most kids. it's only as big a deal as u make it. my niece and nephew r going to hold hands and walk together that way they won't be alone and they know each it. also, it helps that their mom's will be standing up there. we will also have a friend's daughter and another relative walk with them. good luck.

Ring Bear? Flower Girl?

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