Is there a nice way to tell someone you're not going to their wedding?

ZRex · November 2009

I mean...obviously you just send the RSVP back with a "no," but does anyone else have one of those acquaintances that do the whole, "You're definitely coming, right??? You're coming???" thing? Long story short I have an acquaintance from freshman year of college that transferred away, and we kept touch online, mainly because she's never had a job and would IM me during work. We were close about four years ago, but she started dating her now FI and became obsessed with getting him to propose (like, 1000X worse than the NEY girls). Since I started school last year, I put the brakes on by blocking her on IM and keeping some distance. She still writes on my FB a LOT and emails...not really to ask how I'm doing, mind you, but to make sure I'm going to the wedding...and I kind of hem and haw around it, and usually don't respond, because how do you tell someone eight months in advance that you can't go to her wedding??? I know I'm just being a sissy, but she doesn't have a lot of friends and I feel bad. Sidenote-- the wedding is 900 miles away and in a VERY cold part of the country on new year's eve. I would go if it were close and wouldn't cost us almost $1000 to attend.

baby green bird · November 2009

I would just let her know that you can't afford to attend and leave it at that. Quit hemming and hawing. Unless she's ignorant, she senses the distance. As a nice gesture, I would send a gift, perhaps from her registry, along with a card.

bbyckes · November 2009

If you have her phone number I would call her and let her know that while you'd love to attend, it's not economically feasible. Tell her how happy you are for her yada, yada, yada, send a gift and RSVP no. Hopefully, she'll understand.

eastunder1 · November 2009

Just say you can't afford to travel or can't take the time off work or already have plans for New Years. Why is this a big deal? Just tell her you can't come.

baby green bird · November 2009

Good Gawd, don't ignore her. She's a human being and treating her as such without compromising your feelings is the right thing to do. Don't be a willy nilly and ignore her. Noone likes someone who doesn't have the gumption to be honest. People withno back bone bother me.

squirrly · November 2009

I'd go on and tell her that the travel costs are prohibitive. Send a gift if you want, but at least go on and tell her.

ZRex · November 2009

Well I guess part of the prob is that we haven't even gotten the invitation yet! It feels kind of stupid to RSVP no before I even get it. You guys are right though...I'll call her tonight and just tell her we can't make it.

ExpatPumpkin · November 2009

Just tell her that you'd LOVE to attend but you have a prior commitment with your family. It is on a holiday, after all

thesuninherhead · November 2009

I had a 'friend' who invite us to her wedding when she wasn't on our guest list. I emailed her when invites went out and let her know that we would love to come but didn't feel right about it given they weren't on our list. I didn't hear back from her, and she death stares me every time I see her, but I figured it was better to be upfront about it than to lie.

sucrets4 · November 2009

Even I wouldn't ignore it and I hate confrontation. You have an extremely valid reason, and if she doesn't like it then she can pay for your travel expenses.

kbmeow · November 2009

You can also say something like. I am not sure but it looks like I won't be able to afford it

MeaghanandMichael · November 2009

You need to make the decision that is right for you and be honest with her. She is acting immature but so are you. I am sure you feel bad but you need to be honest with her, and kind.

eastunder1 · November 2009

She is acting immature but so are you.Copy that.

ootmother2 · November 2009

when your receive the invitation, get out your stationery and write"Ms. ZRexdeclines with regretthe kindi invitation of Mr. and Mrs. (or host's name) for Saturday, the 31st of December"Until you are invited, there's nothing to reply to. Don't just assume that you will be invited.

ZRex · November 2009

You guys are right...I'm being a immature and I need to just bite the bullet. And oot-- I do agree that it's kind of weird to decline before you get an invite, but she has been bugging me about it for almost a year (since before she got engaged), and had one of her friends email me on FB about her bachelorette, so I think it's pretty safe to say that the invite is forthcoming.

TurtlesAllTheWayDown · November 2009

I'd tell her something like, "New Year's Eve is usually pretty busy, so I really don't think I can commit until after I get the official invitation." That will clue her in that she really shouldn't be pestering her friends for RSVPs before the invitations even go out. Hopefully.