When you and FI have a "fight"...

arthomas82 · June 2010

Who do you talk to?

girl2bewed · June 2010

We actually rarely fight, but when we do have an argument I talk to my mom first and usually only her.

bbyckes · June 2010

I try not to talk with my best friend or mom or sister about issues in my relationship. It's tough. Generally I find that when you do and the issue between you and FI is long resolved, your mom, BFF, etc. will still harbor resentment.

kikibaby · June 2010

When I have a fight with my H, I talk to him about it. It does no good to involve others in your (pre) marital problems.

knj92107 · June 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_fi-fight?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:e5a642f9-ca22-4ec3-b0e1-6d269dce7909Post:5792e9a8-c629-4723-a76a-ec22bcc372cc">Re: When you and FI have a "fight"...</a>:
[QUOTE]I try not to talk with my best friend or mom or sister about issues in my relationship. It's tough. Generally I find that when you do and the issue between you and FI is long resolved, your mom, BFF, etc. will still harbor resentment.
Posted by bbyckes[/QUOTE]

This, totally.

I don't really talk to anyone about our fights, especially not my mom or bff. I don't want to say something I can never take back when I'm in the heat of the moment and upset. I have a tendancy to speak before I think when I'm upset. Plus, my mom and my bff both have VERY different relationships than H and I have and I do not agree with their views anyway. In general, I think it's a really bad idea for friends or parents to even know any intimate details of fights in a relationship. I feel like only the 2 people in the relationship need to know. I don't really see the purpose in talking to anybody else besides H because he and I are the ONLY ones who truly understand our relationship and the only ones who can "fix" things when we have a fight.

arthomas82 · June 2010

That makes sense, and that's why I have been hesitant to talk about our issue to my friends or family. The last thing I would want is for them to resent him or get the wrong idea about our relationship. My FI and I have great communication, but I'm a little worried that something might be unhealthy and I dont know if I should put my foot down or comply. Hmpf.

kikibaby · June 2010

If it's something you really just need some advice on, I think it's ok to talk to a compassionate friend or family that won't judge you. I just meant that if we're just fighting, I don't want to air our dirty laundry. Asking for some help is different, though.

arthomas82 · June 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_fi-fight?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:e5a642f9-ca22-4ec3-b0e1-6d269dce7909Post:92ebbba0-b174-4ac1-baf6-60aaee424204">Re: When you and FI have a "fight"...</a>:
[QUOTE]If it's something you really just need some advice on, I think it's ok to talk to a compassionate friend or family that won't judge you. I just meant that if we're just fighting, I don't want to air our dirty laundry. Asking for some help is different, though.
Posted by kikibaby[/QUOTE]

Okay, that's more what I meant. Not a "fight" but a trend. Sometimes a third-party can be helpful.

lizstill13 · June 2010

I talk to my H. If we have problems that's between us and no one else, for all the reasons the ladies gave above.

But like kiki said, if you really just need advice on something (meaning you're not trying to bad-mouth your FI/H) it's okay to ask someone to get a new perspective on the situation.

rien713 · June 2010

If it's a real disagreement with actual consequences that could impact our relationship, it stays between FI and me. But when I'm just frustrated or PO'd with stupid stuff, like him playing video games while I clean and silly things like that, I'll vent to my sister rather than picking a fight with him over it. She knows him well enough, and she knows well enough how I can get, not to take my rants seriously.

[Deleted User] · June 2010

Usually I don't talk about it with anyone. I don't tell my mom or family because they will always take my side, and I don't want them to hate him over something I'll get over. My best friend usually can't be bothered with other people's troubles and I don't really have any other close friends. Regardless, it's no one else's business what is said behind closed doors and inviting others into yuor troubles is just asking for even bigger issues.

But we don't really fight all that much. Little squabbles over things that irrirate us, sure, but those last maybe 10 minutes. If he really pisses me off, I just don't talk to him for like a day and he usually gets the hint. But those times are few and far between. And the pathetic thing is that even if I'm furious, I still make his lunch for the next day and cook dinner.

Kristin&eric · June 2010

Usually I wil talk to my friend or my sister, but that hardly ever happens. Usually FI and I make up

wickayeah · June 2010

I usually wait a little while, let tempers settle, and then talk with my fiance about the issue. If you wait a while it allows you to calm down and see the other's perspective and you can sit down and talk about what bothers you and how to fix it so it doesn't happen in the future. If I ever need advice I talk to my mother, but never about a fight. I don't want her to get a bad impression of my fiance - because I love him more than anything- since she is only getting my side.

Midgetth · June 2010

I don't talk to my mom or his mom about it. My FI is my best friend. And when we do have a fight we know to let each other cool down for a half an hour or so collect our thoughts then come back to each other & sit down & work it out without yelling. Our fights/arguments are our business and no one elses.

bethsmiles · June 2010

I don't discuss the fights we have with other people because really its our private issue. It can cause issues when you discuss your private issues with others.

MISSCOURTNEY20 · June 2010

FI and I have never had an argument, but when we have issues or differences, we talk to one another. I have had more than enough relationships that I discussed with other people and that is never a good thing.

kikibaby · June 2010

Why go to counseling on your own, arthomas? Couples counseling can be a really good thing if there are differences you're having trouble working out.

arthomas82 · June 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_fi-fight?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:e5a642f9-ca22-4ec3-b0e1-6d269dce7909Post:e2922956-8994-4625-a1a8-25aeeeffb275">Re: When you and FI have a "fight"...</a>:
[QUOTE]Why go to counseling on your own, arthomas? Couples counseling can be a really good thing if there are differences you're having trouble working out.
Posted by kikibaby[/QUOTE]

We would love to but can't seem to find anyone. Most people go through their church and we don't belong to one. We are going through a pre-marital workbook together and its actually a ton of fun! Our relationship is wonderful aside from this one issue and I would feel much better about it if a nuetral party just told me "Yes, he is right and its not his problem". or "Thats unhealthy on his part" and then go from there.

pandasquishy · June 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_fi-fight?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:e5a642f9-ca22-4ec3-b0e1-6d269dce7909Post:5792e9a8-c629-4723-a76a-ec22bcc372cc">Re: When you and FI have a "fight"...</a>:
[QUOTE]I try not to talk with my best friend or mom or sister about issues in my relationship. It's tough. Generally I find that when you do and the issue between you and FI is long resolved, your mom, BFF, etc. will still harbor resentment.
Posted by bbyckes[/QUOTE]

<div>This exactly. I discuss it only with FI and maybe my anniversary board.</div>

jedaniel · June 2010

It really depends on what kind of "fight" it is. We really never fights it's more little arguments. If its over something stupid we normally get over it in like 10 or 15 minutes. If it is a large argument then I will talk to my BEST friend. Who has been my bf for 13 years. I never talk to my mom or dad because they will remember forever. And my mom is very judgemental!!

LD1970 · June 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_fi-fight?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:e5a642f9-ca22-4ec3-b0e1-6d269dce7909Post:3534bcc2-859d-42ca-a783-b23806cac47a">Re: When you and FI have a "fight"...</a>:
[QUOTE]When I have a fight with my H, I talk to him about it. It does no good to involve others in your (pre) marital problems.
Posted by kikibaby[/QUOTE]
Yup.

karmellah · June 2010

we've never fought in the 3 yrs we've been together, jsut a couple of disagreements ehre or there.

soontobeschooley · June 2010

I don't talk to anyone about the disagreements I have with my fiance. It is no ones business but ours. We've only had BIG fights once or twice, so the little arguments don't need to be discussed for the reasons everyone has mentioned already.

goheels05 · June 2010

If it's that important, I think you should talk to a counselor. I never air out my dirty laundry to friends or family. You can tell them a million sweet things about him and one "bad" thing about him, and the bad is still all they will remember.

SarahPLiz · June 2010

Each other only. Bringing other people into a disagreement often escalates it unnecessarily, and doesn't accomplish anything.

Night_Sprite · June 2010

Call your insurer and ask for a recommendation. That's at least a starting point.

L-Bride · June 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_fi-fight?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:e5a642f9-ca22-4ec3-b0e1-6d269dce7909Post:63279876-57c9-436b-b559-84d2874858c8">Re: When you and FI have a "fight"...</a>:
[QUOTE]<strong>FI and I have never had an argument</strong>, but when we have issues or differences, we talk to one another. I have had more than enough relationships that I discussed with other people and that is never a good thing.
Posted by MISSCOURTNEY20[/QUOTE]

I feel like when people say "We have never had an argument" they are passively trying to imply their relationship is better than other's. It's really annoying.

OP: I don't really talk to anyone when we argue. If I do, I talk to my best friend about it. She's pretty close with FI so I know she won't judge him.

arthomas82 · June 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_fi-fight?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:e5a642f9-ca22-4ec3-b0e1-6d269dce7909Post:3ce54861-9c40-4cfe-ba8b-034f9aeb5958">Re: When you and FI have a "fight"...</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: When you and FI have a "fight"... : I feel like when people say "We have never had an argument" they are passively trying to imply their relationship is better than other's. It's really annoying. Posted by L-Bride[/QUOTE]

Ugh, I know.

kelmal · June 2010

Without sounding obnoxious, we don't fight to often. But when we do, it's a rager!! I had to pick "other" in the poll because I talk to 2 people...my best-friend and my sister.

larina+jeremy · June 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_fi-fight?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:e5a642f9-ca22-4ec3-b0e1-6d269dce7909Post:5792e9a8-c629-4723-a76a-ec22bcc372cc">Re: When you and FI have a "fight"...</a>:
[QUOTE]I try not to talk with my best friend or mom or sister about issues in my relationship. It's tough. Generally I find that when you do and the issue between you and FI is long resolved, your mom, BFF, etc. will still harbor resentment.
Posted by bbyckes[/QUOTE]

<div>
</div><div>As a bff/sister myself, this is so true! I talk to my fl only, because i wouldnt want him talking to his friends/family about the stupid stuff i do in fights and how else are you supposed to resolve and prevent future fights unless you talk to him about it?</div>

DrewLyMy · June 2010

I think I'd have to agree with most everyone here. When my fiance and I have a fight, my first instinct is to go to my Mom and vent to her about everything that was said, and how upset I am about it...and I used to do that when we first started dating. It got to a point where my Mom was starting to question whether I was really happy with him or not, which I know was meerly because I vented more than I gushed about the the happy times. I think that no one can truly understand your relationship more than you and your s/o, and those intimate details of an argument should be kept between the two of you. It's okay to ask for advice, just wait until those negative, angry feelings are out of the way

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