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Dealing with tragedy close to the big day

molsedotesmolsedotes
10 Comments
in DC
Hi everyone, I was hoping to get some advice on how to make one of my maids and her husbad (as well as our guests) comfortable in the wake of a recent tragedy. We're 12 days out from the wedding and my pregnant future-sister-in-law lost her baby. This weekend she went into emergency labor (only 22 weeks pregnant) and had an absolutely beautiful baby girl. Of course little Ella was too young and tiny to survive on her own and was only alive for an hour and a half. She is devastated, the family is devastated, my fiance is devastated and my heart absolutely breaks for my friend and bridesmaid. What steps can I take to make her/her husband, the family and our guests comfortable? She insists that she still wants to make the wedding becuase it will cheer her up, but I have told her and the family that I really don't want her to feel obligated and I want her to take the time to mourn that she may need. I think she's going to just play it by ear, which is good. Any other advice on what I can do, not wedding-related to help her and her husband through this difficult time is also GREATLY appreciated. Thank you so much and please keep them in your thoughts and prayers. TIA!!
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Re: Dealing with tragedy close to the big day

  • mikesboo23mikesboo23
    500 Comments
    edited December 2011
    I'm not sure how they'd react to this, you'd have use your best judgement.  There are different things people do for situations like this.  There are bracelets you can buy in rememberance.  Some people put together a nice decorated wooden box with a few of the things they bought for the baby inside and keep it.  I guess that's so that the next baby doesn't get ALL the things they bought for the first one.  Some things can belong only to her. Maybe you could get one of the bracelets or necklaces and wear it on your wedding day.  After the wedding give it to the mother to keep and tell her what it means and why you wanted to wear it.  I think they come with little poems.Again, use your best judgement.  She could either be happy about your thoughtfulness or it could make her sad again.
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  • novagalnovagal
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Take your cues from them....it could be that being surrounded by family and love might just help them get thru another day. Be there for this couple as they go thru the mourning process. Sometimes just a warm hug and sharing a tear or two helps. I can tell by your post that you are a warm caring person and I'm sure you will do the right thing. But, please keep in mind that this couple would not want to have their horrible loss spoil your wedding. Take care
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  • molsedotesmolsedotes
    10 Comments
    edited December 2011
    mikesboo23 and novagal, thank you so much for your advice on this. I really appreciate it. Your suggestions are very helpful, as is your supportive tone. Thank you!
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  • RottieLover1444RottieLover1444
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    My heart is breaking for you and your family. As the PP said, each couple is different. I would not want any mention of the loss (I mourn privately); however, a friend of mine (in a similar situation) wanted people to acknowledge it.  In that case, you could make your favor a donation to March of Dimes on behalf of the BIL/SIL/baby. If it is to late to change favors, you could simply post something with the guest book. Simply tell guest about your donation and encourages them to donate when they get home. Wishing you well...
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  • vitamintvitamint
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Hug to you and your family. Everyone deals with tragedy in a different way. Just be supportive and ask your friend what she/he needs. some people don't ever want to talk about tragedy others do. Best wishes and prayers for you all.
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  • molsedotesmolsedotes
    10 Comments
    edited December 2011
    RottieLover1444 and vitamint, thank you so much as well! You're such a caring bunch, thank you!! Considering the wedding is so soon, and knowing the bridesmaid's peronsality, I think it may be a little early to commemorate the situation publicly. I think privately I will offer my support, and just spread the word so that others are aware that she may be a bit fragile. The donation to the March of Dimes is a good idea and appropriate. I think if we get any money as gifts, we will donate a portion to that cause, we're already doing a charitable contribution (to the Alzheimer's Association) in leiu of favors, as well. If she wants to keep things relatively quite about the baby, than I would like to give her that option rather than publicize it. That way it's her decision based on what she's ready for. You all gave great advice. Thank you so so much!
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