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Inviting 1/2 a couple

summerslaosummerslao member
First Comment
in Oregon
Is there any acceptable way to invite one person that is married?  My friend "K" recently got married.  Needless to say her husband is not my favorite person.  He has been openly rude to me and several members of my wedding party.  "K" has been invited solo to the past 2 weddings I've attended, however this is before she and her husband were married so it seemed a little more acceptable to just invite her and no guest.  She even asked the last bride if she could bring him and the bride said no.  I really want my wedding to only be filled with people I love and respect, and he's definitely not one of those.  Any ideas on getting around this without being completely rude?  I am inviting her dad, could I include just her on his invite?  Please help!
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Re: Inviting 1/2 a couple

  • tiffgriffin7tiffgriffin7
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Honestly, I really don't know how you could do this without being rude. I have a similar situation with a good friend of mine who is engaged to a total jerk but I know she won't even come without him so if I want her there, he has to be invited too. I don't know how your friend's relationship with her husband is but most women I know wouldn't attend an event like that unless their husband was invited too. If you just want to invite her than I would be prepared for her not too show up.
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  • jennylee753jennylee753
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Pretty sure you can't get around it. We have the same situation. My FI's friend is married to the biggest B word in the universe. But alas, we have to invite them both. One way you might get around it is just putting her name on the invite and if she asks you about it say "woops! sorry, that was a mistake". But I don't think you can openly just invite one of them.
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  • sassypdxbridesassypdxbride
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Technically, you have to invite him...accorting to Peggy Post :) I was in the same situation however. My friend didn't invite my then fiance to her wedding so I didn't feel like i had to invite her husband. She ended up coming and had a better time that she would have if he was there.
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  • gti87gti87
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I guess my feelings are a little different on this one. Who cares about the proper etiquette or technicalities. If someone is rude to you, you dont have to invite them to your wedding. Not to use the same old line but...." its your day". Would you invite him to your childs birth, christening or even a funeral? If not, then why would you want him at any other extremely important day?! I know people get caught up in the "proper" way to do things. But sometimes, you just need to do something for yourself. Its not selfish to want to be surrounded by loved ones. Do what makes you happy....it doesnt make you a bad person.
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  • mayflymanitoumayflymanitou
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    To answer your question, the only "acceptable" way to invite one member of a couple and not the other would be to only put her name on the invitation. However, be prepared to be a gracious host in the likely event she thinks you just forgot to include his name and brings him along as her +1.
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  • CaliopeSpidrmanCaliopeSpidrman
    First Comment Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    Gti -- I get what you're saying, but this is her friend's husband.  If he was a cousin or co-worker on his own, I'd be all for her not inviting him.  But how would you feel if your FI/H wasn't invited to things?  It would be pretty awful.  By not inviting the guy, she's making her friend choose between them.  And since it's unlikely she'll really even notice he's there, wouldn't it just be nicer to let her friend bring her husband?  Summer is going to be too busy drinking and dancing and celebrating her nuptials to notice one jerk-y guest.
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  • gti87gti87
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Ya I get what your saying. But as she states: "He has been openly rude to me and several members of my wedding party". Its not like hes not being invited for some random reason....its because he is outright and openly mean.  If my fiance was a complete jerk to people, and it was well known that he was, I wouldnt be surprised if he wasnt invited ( I would also wonder why I was with him if he was so rude to my friends...but thats another issue ) He could very well repeat this behavior at the wedding. At the same time, he could be just fine... who knows. I dont want to scare you into thinking this guy is going to ruin your wedding day. And I also understand how you wouldnt want to hurt your friends feelings. Just seems like you have more than enough reasons to not want him there...and I understand that. :)
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  • sjlarobadieresjlarobadiere
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    hmmm...yeah I think your SOL sister. I would invite them both to keep the peace with your friend. Have you ever tried to bring up what he has said to you with your friend? Obviously doing it in a non snarky fashion, maybe just mentioning "you know when (insert his name here) does this it really has hurt my feelings." Maybe she could calm your fears of him saying something on your big day AND also this guy might not be aware of this AT ALL. (people are totally clueless) So I think speaking to your friend about it might actually help things.Just my thoughts!
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  • velocitygrlvelocitygrl member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Honestly, there is no way to do this without being tacky and/or rude. You can do it (see PP's post for the how), but it will likely cause hard feelings, maybe forever. If I were you, I'd probably just suck it up and invite the husband, and maybe have a conversation with your friend about how he has hurt your feelings in the past. Maybe she won't bring him. You'll probably be too busy to notice him there anyway.
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