Some backstory reminders: I left R following his drunken rough behavior with my five-year-old. I came back in February. We were in couples' therapy. We were working on it. We were getting back to good.
In May he confessed to having an affair while I was gone. Well, heconfessed to kissing a co-worker of his when I was gone. Later that day I remembered that he had made a confession to cheating on me while I was mostly asleep, probably banking that I wouldn't remember it because I wasn't awake. I confronted him and he confirmed it all. I stayed with him, trying to work it out, for almost two months after that. We fought almost daily, because he kept saying he'd fix it only he wasn't really fixing it.
Last night his parents came over because they found out about his affair and they spent a couple hours yelling at him. He swore up and down to me and his parents last night that it was over, nothing was happening.
But there were texts on his phone from yesterday and today confirming otherwise. I confronted him about it and I told him he had ONE LAST CHANCE to set it all right. One more chance to drop her and fix us before I left him for good. I told him if he threw it away at that point, he was throwing it away forever.
And he threw it away. He threw our entire relationship, our family, all of it, away. Got in his car and drove off.
I called my parents, my sister, and some friends and they helped me move myself, my kids, my dog, and all my stuff back to my mom’s house. He came back when the u-Haul was mostly packed, and his parents and brother were there trying to get him to talk for a good two hours, yelling at him about how much of an idiot he was being and trying to get him to say something to stop me before I left and it was way too late. Around 8 he asked if we could talk and we went to the back bedroom, where he proceeded begging me to stay, to unpack, to let him prove it. ”I’ll go to therapy,” ”I’ll drop her,” ”I’ll do anything,” etc, etc, etc. Only it was too late. Crocodile tears, and at this point even if he does do all that in an attempt to prove it to me, it’s far too late. I can never trust him again. The girl is already there. I wasn’t even gone an hour and she was in his bed again. (He called asking me to please at least let him see the kids tomorrow, and I heard her speak.)
So, my world is upside-down again. Round Two (in seven months, no less) of Unpacking My Life In My Mother’s Living Room. It was just NOT supposed to happen this way and I’m missing pieces of my heart that I can’t find right now.
