Bridal Showe Etiquette

jma1983 · November 2009

I am from Wisconsin. I will be having my wedding in Ohio. There are several friends and old neighbors that I won't be inviting to my wedding, only because I am working with limited space for the reception AND, I know that some of them are financially unable to travel. However, my mom and maid of honor are having a bridal shower for me back home. They want to invite these people, and I'd love to share in that part of my wedding with them. But, is it wrong to invite these people to the shower and not the wedding? I feel terrible, but I'm just wondering what some opinions are.

[Deleted User] · November 2009

I would not invite any one to a shower that is not invited to the wedding.

KitteeBride2Be · November 2009

Yes. If they are not invited to the wedding, they should not be invited to any wedding related events. Especially ones where gifts are involved.

J&K10910 · November 2009

Anyone invited to pre-wedding parties should also be invited to the wedding.

ExpatPumpkin · November 2009

The rule is that everyone who's invited to a shower (or any pre-wedding event) gets an invite to the wedding. The only exclusions would be co-workers who throw a shower at work. (If you invite them to a non-work shower, however, you have to invite them to the wedding.) So, in your case, if you really want these people at the shower, invite them to the wedding. Whether they come or not is their decision. But you have to at least invite them. Otherwise, you're telling them that they're good enough to buy you a shower present, but not good enough to be invited to the actual wedding celebration... I'm sure that's not the message that you want to convey

duckie1905 · November 2009

If you aren't inviting them to the wedding they don't get invited to the shower, either. If you want to share in part of your wedding with them figure out a way to invite them to the actual wedding.

jma1983 · November 2009

What about friends of my mom's back in Wisconsin? There are a few hat she'd like to invite to the shower, but again, with limited space for the wedding...I can't invite them because I don't know them well enough and I can't cut out close friends to invite my mom's friends. This is gonna get messy either way, isn't it?

J&K10910 · November 2009

Why would your mom's friends be any different than neighbors?With that said, if these people would really like to celebrate with you and they KNOW they won't be invited to the wedding, why don't you guys have like a lunch party or something? No gifts, just getting together so they can congratulate you. If they really want to give gifts, they can send a wedding gift. I know sometimes parents' friends get like that, where they want to celebrate and give gifts even though they're not invited.

KitteeBride2Be · November 2009

What about friends of my mom's back in Wisconsin?No. Same rules apply.

TurtlesAllTheWayDown · November 2009

Don't decide someone's financial situation for them. If you want them there, if YOU can afford to have them there and you can fit them in, invite them. Who knows? Maybe they'll think it's important to spend $ to attend. And no. No one without a wedding invite gets a shower invite. You can decline the shower, invite the people in WI to the wedding, or have the shower in Ohio with local people. Those are basically your options.

jma1983 · November 2009

J&K10910...I love your idea of a lunch get together instead of a shower. Then no one will feel obligated to bring gifts. Awesome idea!

danieliza1127 · November 2009

Etiquette dictates that you shouldn't invite anyone to any pre-wedding parties unless they are also invited to the wedding. The only exception is a work shower thrown at work by your co-workers.Having lunch instead and not calling it a shower is a good idea, but might be better for after the wedding to avoid any awkwardness about whether they're invited or not.

carrieoz_76 · November 2009

The consequence to not inviting some ppl to a wedding is that you also can't invite them to showers and other pre-wedding parties. They are either in, or they're out. You just have to accept that. We're doing a small destination wedding. We probably won't be inviting *all* our local friends/co-workers/former co-workers who are also friends. That means I also won't be inviting them to any shower or b-party. I had to accept that.

Catwoman708 · November 2009

Explain to you mom and MOH that it would be very unmannerly to invite them if they aren't invited to the wedding. Please point out to them that when you only "share" the shower portion of the wedding with someone, it's an insult to only appear to want their gift and not their present. Either don't invite them to the shower, or give them a "courtesy invitation". You don't base the guest list on whom you think can afford to attend/travel, you base it on whether you want them there.

duckie1905 · November 2009

This is gonna get messy either way, isn't it?

Its only going to be messy if you invite these people.It is perfectly acceptable to get together with them (after the wedding) and have lunch or something. No matter who they are it is not appropriate to invite them to pre-wedding parties if you aren't inviting them to the wedding. Your reasons for not inviting them have no bearing at all.Having a small wedding, while great, does mean that some you would like to include will not be. If you can't accept this then you need to find a way to invite them. If not, move on.

Bridal Showe Etiquette

Re: Bridal Showe Etiquette

Choose Another Board

Search Boards