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Eloping

guy'sgirlguy'sgirl
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in Just Engaged and Proposals
My fiance and I are struggling with the cost of a wedding and thinking about eloping.  A little background....I am a professional event planner with a company in Las Vegas, but even with my connections we cannot bring ourselves to spend the money on it.  We live a debt free life ( no credit balance or student loans) other than our mortgage, which is a modest condo. This has always been our goal.  I'm getting my master's degree (on a full scholarship) while working and he works full time.  My immigration will cost at least 3000 after we get married, we have started a savings account for that.  I include that in with the cost of the wedding.  The minimum cost for the wedding would be 11000$. (75 people) again- i'm a professional, I know how to plan and don't need planning advice. Also, if we have the wedding we would not be able to afford a honeymoon.  If we Eloped we would be able to save for a Napa Valley Honeymoon. Do you know anyone who has eloped? or are you thinking about doing it? One of my friends did it and she says she regrets not having the dress and her family there... but she also says she is VERY happy knowing that they didn't put themselves into debt to start their live together.  Is there a good way or bad way to Elope?
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Re: Eloping

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    laurenclaire1386laurenclaire1386
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    A bad way to elope is eloping, not telling anyone, then having a "wedding" later when you can afford it. Another bad way to elope is to expect people to buy you gifts for an event they weren't invited to witness.You can have a JOP ceremony and include immediate family without doing a full-on wedding. 
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    guy'sgirlguy'sgirl
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    My Problem is that all of my family live in my home country- if I was to include my parents and sisters, it would spread rapidly to my extended family, and then on to my large group of friends.  For me it's kinda an all or nothing decision, I either want eveyone there (approx75) or nobody there... as in just my fiance and myself. I would never expect presents from people, that's just rude.
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    TurtlesAllTheWayDownTurtlesAllTheWayDown member
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    You can always put the honeymoon off and do a first anniversary trip. It will give you time to save up for that.
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    ngiguerengiguere member
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    I eloped! I don't regret it, BUT! On the other hand, we've kept it on the DL and my grandparents and parents still want us to have a wedding, for which they're paying, so we're going to still have a low budget wedding with family there. I guess on that front, we are really blessed. That's in less than a year, but in the end, I won't really be able to say if I wished it were one way or the other. However, I personally never cared about a wedding. We're debt free as well (Dave Ramsey plan?) and felt that a marriage was more important than a wedding. The JP we asked to make it legal was amazing, actually, and said a lot of really wonderful things that I'll always remember. As for couples who've eloped and never had a wedding: my parents and sister both did that. My parents always talk about it kind of nostalgic-like. He was based in Tokyo as a Marine, and sent my mom a telegram with a one-way ticket. If she showed up at the airport, he'd take it as a "yes" that she'd marry him elopement style. :-) The story suits my parents well, and I will always think it's one of the most romantic true-life stories I've ever heard. My sister and her husband just didn't want to deal with all the hullabaloo. She just wanted to get married. He actually wanted the wedding, but realized after looking at costs it wasn't all that important. I haven't heard complaints from either of them about it. Do what's right for YOU and your future husband! And best wishes!
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    sboundksboundk member
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    Let me ask you this, where are you from? Have you thought of maybe having a distination wedding (ie back at home or somewhere which both your family and your fiance's family could go and save a little money)? Or have you thought about having just both you and your fiance' parents and maybe 4 or 5 other people at the wedding and then having a huge reception? Something which a friend of mine did was the small wedding big reception but her reception was a potluck style where everyone brought their favorite dish and the recipe...which cut costs. I know you're planner and I'm not trying to give you planning advise. My cousin eloped and they both I think wish they would have done it a little differently. See with me, my family is everywhere so no matter what people are going to travel so what my boyfriend/fiance have decided on is a very small wedding - maybe eight people at the most because neither of his parents are living and he has very little family and my family is the majority of the pot. This way we can have a big reception... Maybe this helps some...I just know if I didn't get to at least have the dress and my parents there I would truly regret my decision because my parents are very important to me.
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    guy'sgirlguy'sgirl
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    Thanks ladiesss. I like all the ideas and appreciate the advice.... I am a little bit more lost now though..... After posting I was thinking about it and I thought about not having my family and friends there and it made me sad.  I do want the wedding.  So problem solved right? We will do the wedding, take out a personal loan and get a plan to pay it off.  Well then I told my fiance he pretty much said no...  he doesn't want us to go into debt for it.  What do I do now that he wants to elope and I want the wedding? We live in Las Vegas so when I say elope, i mean going down to one of the small tasteful chapels here, and then possibly having a weekend in a resort here.
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    ngiguerengiguere member
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    So, how many of those family and friends are there that you can't picture doing this without? You could have a compromise, right? If he wants to elope and doesn't care about a wedding, elope, but with the family and friends you love there with you. Definitely don't take out a loan for a wedding! I think that no matter how wonderful weddings are, they are never worth going into a marriage with debt for. My wedding budget is really small, and there are things I'd like to do a little fancier, but not at the cost of debt. It just doesn't make sense to pay something off for months or years (with interest) that lasts approximately 5 hours. Do you have other options as compromise? Could you make it legal with a Justice of the Peace now, and have a small wedding and ceremony with friends later?
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    chosen175chosen175 member
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    We couldn't afford a huge wedding, either, and didn't want to put any expenses on a credit card. If we got married at home, it would be just like the movie My Big Fat Greek Wedding except that we're not Greek. In the end we decided on a destination wedding. We picked a U.S. destination and I'm still getting the white dress, bouquet, photographer, etc. I can do all that for less than $1500, not counting airfare/hotel. We're staying 5 days so it's like a mini honeymoon. The distance has deterred a lot of people from attending but to be honest, I'm not really broken up about it. I would really prefer to not have anyone there but my family insisted they be invited. GRR! There is a destination weddings board listed under special topics and there are a handful of people who are either eloping or doing a planned elopement (where you tell people ahead of time, but don't invite any guests.) Come on over and post this there as well. :-)
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    mikesboo23mikesboo23
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    Go for the honeymoon.  Just don't try to elope now and have another wedding later to make up for the one you didn't have.  I don't really understand your minimum cost though.  We planned for 95 people on a $5000 budget.  There are always ways to make it cost less.
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    coleandalexia2010coleandalexia2010
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    I think that eloping and not telling anyone is the worst thing ever. I know a few people who have done that and hid it from their families and friends -- you know, the people who are supposed to be involved in their lives... Anyway, I think that if you don't have a lot of money to spend on a wedding, you should just elope. It's about you and your fiance, not about everyone else.
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    Lanette001Lanette001 member
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    Hello! I hope I'm not too late to help! My parents and my grandparents on both sides eloped. I have been talking to my mom about weddings and I thought about eloping also but she told me that she wished she would have had at least some sort of wedding looking back. I used to want to elope, but after hearing her thoughts I do want to have a wedding. I think that you should tell him that this is an important day for you and that you want to have a wedding. In twenty years you don't want to look back and play what if... I don't know if I am helping at all but my boyfriend and I(to be engaged around Thanksgiving) have discussed the possibility of a big weddng and we decided that we would wait longer to get married if we needed more time to save up. Congratulations on being debt free! I wish you a long and happy marriage no matter what you decide to do! :-)
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