Regret over DW decision?

andynjohn · November 2009

Hi Everyone,I'm new

. I've been reading your posts for a couple of days, as I wasn't able to post myself until 2 days after I signed up. You seem like a wonderful group of people!So, my question is, does anyone have regret over booking your DW? I thought I was 100% sure, FI and I had gone through tons of options, researched places closer to home, etc. We found that the DW was more "us" as we love the adventure and uniqueness of it all. However, we were only able to invite/accomodate some people, as the place we are staying at is fairly small. We didn't want a huge commercial resort, but I don't think it would have changed our numbers much, as we invited our wedding party, and aunts and uncles from both sides. We ended up with 24 people coming. The problem is, I have two aunts that I am extremely close with, and they can't come. I originally understood that they couldn't come due to finanaces, so FI and I talked and I was prepared to tell them that I could foot the majority of the costs for them. However, AFTER we booked, I learned that it was more to do with health reasons. My one aunt has been ill for awhile (but has not been diagnosed with anything, despite numerous specialist visits and tests) and my uncle is also ill, and she said she couldn't leave him for the week. When she spoke to me on the phone AFTER I'd booked, she was crying pretty hard and told me how "hurt" she was that she wouldn't be able to be there. Of course, I started crying and honestly, I feel so terrible and selfish now. I knew that certain people (mostly future in-laws) were not happy with our decision, but they were still going to come, so it was easier to let that roll off of our backs and continue with what we wanted. However, it is much different with my aunts, as they will not be there at all. I am going to have a reception at home, but it won't be the same and we all know that.Our deposit is paid, as are the deposits of all of our guests...and we can't get those back.I don't know what to do. I feel incredibly terrible. Any thoughts?Thank you for listening to my novel! I am just having a tough week!

gabi829 · November 2009

I know it's hard when people that you are close to can't make it. However, your aunt shouldn't have made you feel badly because circumstances didn't allow for her to come.I know that some brides have broadcasted their ceremonies using webcams. Could you see if that is an option?

SimplyMistaken · November 2009

Welcome to the board!!I have had slight regrets, HOWEVER..I would have regretted having a wedding that was ALL WRONG -just to accomodate everyone -even more. Bottom line is you can't make them and you happy at the same time. NO situation will please everyone-remember who you are doing this for..and then try to include them best you can. The webcam idea is a wonderful one!

dew3162 · November 2009

My reason for making ours a DW is totally opposite. I live on St. Thomas in the U.S. Virgin Islands and we had planned to get married here then fly to Tampa to board the ship for our honeymoon. Several of our family members and friends are also going on the cruise. For my parents who live in florida it came down to they would only be able to do one or the other, fly to St. Thomas for the wedding or go on the cruise. So in order for them to be at both, we moved the wedding to the cruise ship. Now, in doing so, ofcourse it means that a lot of his family that lives here on the island will not be able to make it but the ones he is closest to will be there. I do not agree with your aunt making you feel so bad about it. Remember, this is your wedding, your special day, and while I know you want all your close family and friends there, sometimes it's just not possible. Like PP, is it possible to SKYPE it?

ginaherman6 · November 2009

It's really hard when people you care about it cannot make it, but that is part of the whole DW. I know you feel bad, but it happens. There's nothing you can do to change it, and you did make the attempt - by seeing if you could pay. Even if you had the wedding closer to home, would they have been able to make it being ill?If you already paid the deposit, I would say you have to move forward on the path you chose. Especially if the other guests paid their deposits too. I'm sure it's not a little amount. Where are you getting married? Do they have different locations that you could transfer to that might be closer to home? Is it somewhere like Mexico that could have you get married at the court at home before you leave? Then you could invite your aunt to that, so she could be a part of something. Sorry you are going through this! Welcome and congrats on the upcoming wedding by the way.

AprilJT · November 2009

First of all welcome to the board. Secondly, I think that second guessing your decision is something that all of us have been through. I do understand how awful you feel when someone you really want to be there isn't able to come. I did have several people make me feel bad about my decision at the time, but the truth is I don't regret a thing. I LOVED my wedding and I wouldn't have changed a thing. My in laws were the same way. They weren't thrilled about our decision but they were there anyway. But they told me after the wedding how wonderful it was, how much fun they had, and thanked us for having a dw. I'm sorry that you are having a tough week, and I hope you start feeling better about your decision. Good luck!

CNN in 2010 · November 2009

Hey there! Welcome to the board

) Based on my experience with planning our dw, it was harder in the beginning because everyone has an opinion. My mom was upset that we wanted to have a dw because none of my relatives will be coming. A lot of fi's siblings won't be coming either. After fi and I talked about what we really wanted for our wedding we realized that a dw is what suits our wants and needs. A lot of people that we love and cherish won't be able to come on our cruise but that's okay, we can meet up with them after the wedding and talk about our cruise wedding and show them pictures. My best suggestion is go with what your heart is telling you. We can't imagine not having a dw that's how sure we are of our decision. Talk about it with your fi and you'll figure out what's best for you two.Good Luck!

Orchid2011 · November 2009

Awww I'm sorry to hear that. I agree wit pp, see if you can do the webcam. If not then I guess you'll have to sit wit your FI and have a talk and tell him how you feel and see if ya can work something out. Don't forget that is your day and you don't have to make no one happy but you and your FI if not your special day will turn into a "horrible, I wish this day was over" day. HTH

Orchid2011 · November 2009

Ohh and welcome Aboard, you'll love it here!

NYHarleyBride · November 2009

Welcome. Sorry to hear you are having some regrets and issues, but we all go through this, even if it is not a DW. You will not be able to please everyone, and yet you may feel bad about one or two not being able to make it, but remember, you chose to have the wedding there for a reason. It was what you and your FI wanted for YOUR wedding. If you cancel now, wouldn't you regret ot having the wedding you wanted? How would all the others feel? I think especially because you are having an AHR, your bases are covered.We had our's in FL to accomodate many people who could not come north (plus that is really what WE wanted), and knew there were some that could not make the trip south. In the end, FI's two aunts (the only two on his Mom's side still alive) had to cancel the last week anyway. One could not leave her sick husband, and the other got the flu. He was upset as he has not seen them in 5 years since his Mom passed, but there was nothing we could do.

Regret over DW decision?

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