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Advice on Groomsman Situation

psubride09psubride09 member
10 Comments
in Chit Chat
I'm going to try to make this as short as possible.  My fiance and I are getting married on 12/1/12.  Last night one of his groomsmen let him know that he may not be able to make it to our wedding.  He has been invited to join an engineering honor society, and the mandatory induction ceremony is the day before our wedding.  So he is legitimately concerned about the logisitics of getting from Kansas to Pennsylvania.  (We live in DC, and they are the closest airports to our location in PA).  Add to that, he let us know that he is going through a difficult time with his wife, and may be splitting with her.  At the very least she will not be attending the wedding if he can come.

How do we gently let him know we are okay with whatever he decides to do?  I don't want him to feel like we are kicking him out of the bridal party, but at this point I think it would reduce his stress if we let him know it was okay for him to come as a guest.  Or, he could choose to not come out at all, and that would be perfectly fine as well.  He is a good friend, and I don't want what should be a very happy occasion (his induction) marred by his concern of getting to our wedding in time.  Not to mention he is probably in a rough place with regards to his relationship.  How would you ladies approach it?
"You're not my life but you're the one I want to spend it with. You're not my world but you're the best thing in it."
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Re: Advice on Groomsman Situation

  • Maggie0829Maggie0829 member
    Eighth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    Let him know that no matter what he decides that he will be a groomsman whether he is there or not.  Congratulate him on his accomplishment and be there if he needs support in regards to his current relationship.  Just be his friend and let him know that wedding or not he still means the world to both of you.

    Also, let your FI do the talking since it is his groomsman who may or may not be able to make it.

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  • psubride09psubride09 member
    10 Comments
    Thank you both for your advice.  I do agree with the suggestion that it should come from my fiance and not myself. 

    We are both so proud of him for being accepted into a prestigious honor society.  And my heart just breaks for him regarding his relationship.  It's most important for us both that he understands we would love for him to make it, and he was chosen as a groomsman because he is a good friend, not to "make balanced sides of the aisle" as some brides are apt to do.
    "You're not my life but you're the one I want to spend it with. You're not my world but you're the best thing in it."
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  • psubride09psubride09 member
    10 Comments
    I meant that if we took the pressure of the being in the bridal party off of him, he wouldn't try so hard and stress himself out to get here.  When we would be happy with whatever decision he made.
    "You're not my life but you're the one I want to spend it with. You're not my world but you're the best thing in it."
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  • kmmssgkmmssg mod
    Moderator Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments 500 Love Its
    Yeah, I don't get why there would be any stress from being in the bridal party.  If it were me, he would be a groomsmen whether he was there or not.  If he couldn't make it, he would still be listed in the program as a groomsman and the officient could just mention that "John" can be with you this evening but is present in spirit.  Easy peasy.
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  • kadoeringkadoering member
    10 Comments
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_advice-on-groomsman-situation?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:79e4248b-551d-4403-9b79-609b1bf528aaPost:0e8bcb17-04ac-49ad-a410-a11827378d53">Re: Advice on Groomsman Situation</a>:
    [QUOTE]If it were me, he would be a groomsmen whether he was there or not.  If he couldn't make it, he would still be listed in the program as a groomsman and the officient could just mention that "John" can be with you this evening but is present in spirit.  Easy peasy.
    Posted by kmmssg[/QUOTE]

    <div>^ This. I was in a wedding this summer where one of the groomsmen was unable to attend due to Air Force training obligations. He was still listed in the program and got a shout-out during the toasts. The couple knew months in advance that he wouldn't be able to make it, but they still wanted to honor him. </div><div>
    </div><div>I think you already know what to do. Let him know that you would love for him to be in your wedding, but you support him in whatever decision he makes. Then roll with it.</div>
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