Questions and gripes about grandparents (of all ppl)

mmealy · June 2010

OK. So FI's grandparents are extremely extremely religious and don't believe in drinking. I wanted to have an open bar and was trying to work this around the grandparents by hiding as much as possible. Well FI's dad wants to veto the idea. I don't even mind waiting until they leave but he is so worried they'll find out. So I'm already frustrated with that.

We got FI fitted for tux last week. Lady at shop said that generally it looks best if grandpa's are in tuxes as well. Mine will be but FI's dad doesn't want us to ask him grandpa because he won't want to get one. I offered to pay for it. These people are waaay simple country like totally self sufficient. FI's dad asked me if it would be ok if the GP wouldn't be in a tux like everyone else, even though I would pay for it. FI says he will try to convince GP to get one.

I'm just really getting annoyed because I'm really trying to work around these things but all anyone is worried about is stepping on the grandparents toes. When FI's dad asked me if it was ok I just really wanted to ask if we should check to make sure they like the cake flavors too. Of course I didn't but Uhhhh!! Am I being a bitch??

What to do???

quotequeen · June 2010

Let the tux thing go, and let FI's GP wear whatever he wants.

As for the open bar, unless your FI's father is paying for the reception, you can do what you want.

PetraStonegirl · June 2010

Take a deep breath.

The lady at the tux shop has one job... rent more tuxes. Old men get to do what they want, and your wedding won't be any less fill in the adjective than it would be with a geezer in a tux.

As to the open bar. I got nothin'.

ETA: We're having a hosted bar, my FI's family is largely dry. We're paying, they don't get a say.

Cantia · June 2010

1) Let the grandpa wear whatever he likes.

2) If you are paying, have the open bar and the grandparents can deal with it. If parents are paying, you'll need to compromise.

3) Is your FI an only grandchild?

TurtlesAllTheWayDown · June 2010

My DAD isn't even wearing a tux. I don't think. Basically, I'll find out what he's wearing on the day of the wedding.

MairePoppy · June 2010

Parents and Grandparents get to wear whatever they like. You can let them know the tux rental is an option, but it is up to them to decide. The tux lady is just trying to make more money off your wedding.

If you are paying for your own wedding, without the help of the Grandparents, then they shouldn't have any say in the open bar issue. You're not going to force them to imbibe, right? Put them at a table with other people of similar beliefs and far away from the bar. Don't try to hide it from them. They'll surely get suspicious of all those folks drinking out of brown paper bags.

In the future, when Grandparents offer their opinion, smile sweetly, say thanks for sharing and then do what you want.

pooh8402 · June 2010

let the grandpa wear what he wants. you'll still be married if he doesn't match the other men. hell, my dad was the only parent/grandparent in a tux and I'm still married.

open bar--if you or your parents are paying for it, then they will have to get over it, imo. DH's parents are the same way--super religious and don't believe in drinking alcohol, that it does very bad things and we're all going to hell. yea. we still had open beer and wine at the reception and they had a blast even though I was drinking wine right in front of them.

Simply Fated · June 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_questions-gripes-grandparents-of-ppl?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:4ea3e7e3-464a-4223-926e-23ccedf773fePost:68192e55-61dc-47d3-a6b6-8d2d561d2224">Questions and gripes about grandparents (of all ppl)</a>:
[QUOTE]Lady at shop said that generally it looks best if grandpa's are in tuxes as well.
Posted by mmealy[/QUOTE]
Lady at shop is getting paid commission and wants to make more money off of your family. Lady at shop will say anything to make that money.
He is a big boy and can dress himself. If he appears underdressed, then that is fine, everyone who knows him will still love him and at least he'll be comfortable.

Is your fiance's dad paying for the wedding? If so, then he get's a say in the alcohol. Perhaps you can work out a compromise? If you're paying for it, then you get a say in it.
If you fiance's dad is paying for the reception, maybe you can offer to pay for the open bar, as a fair compromise?
But, yeah, without knowing who is paying for what, it's sorta hard to determine what to do.

strlzfan11 · June 2010

Let grandpa wear whatever he wants. You are very lucky to have grandparents that are alive and able to attend your wedding. When both of my sisters got married our grandfather wore a regular suit and had a boutonniere and nobody thought anything of it.

As for the bar, if the grandparents aren't paying they do not have a say. When they make recommendations just say we'll take that under consideration. Whether you do or not is up to you.

banana468 · June 2010

Grandpa gets to wear what he wants. You don't get to tell ANY other adults what to wear actually. That includes parents as well.

As far as the open bar, unless FI's side is paying, just have it.

And FWIW, tell them that some VERY religious people believe that providing alcohol is part of being a good host. DH and I are Catholics. Jesus turned water into WINE!! Drink up!

fairy_diva · June 2010

Well said by PPs....

My dad is wearing a tux because he asked if I wanted him too, and I honestly said yes I would love it.

Not to mention the fact that dear old dad, who has never gained 5 pounds in his 57 years, has recently put on about 10 after open heart surgery and none of his suits fit anymore.

As for grandpa, I have no idea what the 2 grandfathers we have are wearing, just like I have no idea what our grandmothers are wearing. As for FI"s dad, he's in the wedding party, so I know he's in a tux.

I also have no clue what our mom's are wearing (between us we have 3). I do know mine is looking for something navy, and she is planning on going shopping with her best frined to find it.

princess0711 · June 2010

two of my cousins got married last summer, grandpa did not wear a tux to either and I don't think it bothered anyone!

If my grandpa was going to my wedding, I would not ask him to wear a tux.

As for the open bar, I don't see what the problem is, my FI's grandma is very religious as well and we didn't ask her permission to have the open bar. Similarly I didn't ask anyone's permission to live with my FI and I think that is far worse (religion wise) then having an open bar

Hope that helps

mmealy · June 2010

Hey! Thanks for all the advice ladies!

I told FI not to worry about the tux; grandpa can do whatever. FI's dad will be in a tux since he is the best man. I just thought it would look nice for family pics but whatever not a big deal. I guess I was just frustrated. It wasn't really the issue of the tux just more of the grandparents I guess. Oh well.

As for the bar, I still don't know what I'll do. I don't want to be shunned by the grandparents. When FI's sis got married she had grape juice as her champagne toast. And I don't want to piss off FI's dad who is a very moody person. So we'll see.

FI and I are paying for the majority of the wedding. My parents are helping where they can. FI's parents paying for the rehersal dinner.

BTW, can you please pray for one of our groomsmen. We just found out last night that he has colon cancer.

Thanks!

Questions and gripes about grandparents (of all ppl)

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