Honeymoon Registry's tacky?????

Bethand Keith · November 2009

Hi there, I have just come across, what I think, is a cool idea. There is something called a Honeymoon registry. Instead of registering for things at a store you hook up on an online wedding registry and break up the cost of your honeymoon, so your guests can help pay a portion of the honeymoon as a gift. I have read some online reviews of people who think it is tacky, but to each his own. I have been living with my hubby for several years and don't really need household stuff. I am seriously considering using this as an option.....good idea or to tacky to even consider??

2xtime · November 2009

I think it is OK to use for excursions, dinners, spa, etc. However, I think it is very tacky to ask your guests to pay for your airfare and hotel. You should definitely pay for those items yourself. You should also set up a small traditionl registry for people who are not comfortable with the HM registry idea.

michelle142 · November 2009

I personally think they're tacky - but like you said, to each their own. I like pp's idea of setting up a traditional registry for those not comfortable with the HM registry.

Linqdz · November 2009

I like it. I'm doing one. My cousin did a HM registry for her wedding, and I loved being able to contribute!

sboston06 · November 2009

I personally think they are a little tacky but I think it's definitely better to register for something you want rather than something you don't need. Make sure you read the fine print though. I would hate to give someone a $100 gift and have $10 of it go to fees. Make sure you get close to 100% of the gift. If there were fees, I'd prefer to give you cash and then you'd be guaranteed 100%.

lulu8109 · November 2009

Ditto 2xtime. I wouldn't personally do one. I think it can be ok, as long as you're only registering for excursions. I think it's tacky to ask your guests to pay for airfare and hotel. But that's just me. Some people aren't offended by it. Personally, I'd rather give cash then contribute to a honeymoon registry. It's basically the same thing and giving cash is easier for the guest.If you do one, please don't make your guest pay the fees, so that a $100 gift costs them $105 (or more) to give. You can set up the registry so that you take the hit. Ex. a guest gives you $100, but the fee is $5, so you only get $95 in the end.

Pinker26 · November 2009

I think they are a little tacky. From what I've read even if it's set up so you buy excursions or meals or whatever, in the end, the couple just gets a check. I think it's like asking for money. If you want money, the best thing to do is just register with a store for a small amount of items that you would like and cross your fingers that people will realize you don't need much in the way of housewares and a money would be more helpful.

alithebride · November 2009

personally-i find askign guests or family to pay for a vacation far into the tacky zone however-i would be happy to give them a gift of a dinner or couples massage while on HM but I refuse to pay for the trip itself.on the other hand-i find it hard to believe that you have EVERYTHING and find it impossible to create a traditional store registry. you do know that you can also do registries at amazon, home depot etc... for non-traditional things right?

Allison&Donnie · November 2009

Im sorry, but if I were a guest I would feel that was tacky.

stina93446 · November 2009

I hate honeymoon registries. DH and I both find them incredibly tacky. We wouldn't want to buy you nasty time with your new hubby. We'd rather buy you dishes.

stina93446 · November 2009

I also should add that we attended a wedding recently where the couple had done this, and everytime I looked at it, I would snicker....I know, not my finest moment, but hey, what's tacky is tacky. I should also add that they registered for the airplane, the hotel room, the private beach picnic, bottles of champagne, scuba lessons, and lots of other stuff, but all they got was the scuba lessons. Everyone else went to their other registries (Williams Sonoma and Pottery Barn) and got them real gifts.

as985 · November 2009

I don't think it is tacky, but I guess I am in the minority. I feel that any registry is just a suggestion of what a couple could use/ needs. If someone is offended by a HM registry, then they do not need to use it when purchasing a wedding gift. I personally think that the experiences and memories of a wonderful honeymoon are more valuable than physical items for the home (such as dishes), so if a loved one had a HM registry I would gladly contribute to it.

BelhurstBride · November 2009

I find them tacky. If you've been living with your husband (????) for years now and don't actually need anything than you don't have to actually register for anything. You don't have a right to showers and gifts just because you're throwing a wedding; the purpose of those were to help the new couple set up their new home. If you're all set skip the shower and spread the word that you'd prefer that people just come party. And you've been living with your "hubby" for years now? Are you already married? Registering for a second wedding is even more tacky.

Bethand Keith · November 2009

Thanks for the opinions ladies. I appreciate the feedback.For the record I have been living with my boyfriend for several years and we just got engaged, so no we are not already married. I don't really want to register for anything I want guest to come to our wedding to be with us I don't want any gifts, however some of my friends are suggesting we register for something anyway. Just thought I would ask. Congrats to everyone!!!

glam70s · November 2009

Just wanted to add in here - I don't think we're registering anywhere. We're in the same situation - we've lived together since our first year of university, so we set up a student household and just recently upgraded everything when we bought our house. I HATE having 'stuff' cluttering my house AND I'm extremely picky about what I keep, so a traditional registry isn't really an option for us. A honeymoon registry seemed like a good option, but it can also seem a little presumptuous. The result is a decision to not register anywhere, and spread the word that we would really prefer no gifts except the honour of the guest's presence at the wedding...I found it embarassing enough that FI was expected to buy an engagement ring (I actually asked him not to, although he did anyway)... I don't need every single guest stressed out about finding money to buy us something we don't absolutely need..

Bethand Keith · November 2009

Thanks for the reply :)Maybe I will do the same as you..not register for anything. It's about who celebrates with you, not what you get

Kristin789 · November 2009

Wedding guests expect to give wonderful, long-lasting gifts that mirror their hope for your marriage to be wonderful and long-lasting. Like china, bedding, and other nest-building stuff. When you see these gifts in your home, you will be reminded of the giver, and you will be reminded that you have a whole connected web of marriage mentors to whom you can turn for advice, counsel, new ideas or help when things go from better to worse. A short-term donation to your honeymoon sexfest does not match what wedding gifts are supposed to represent.

Babygurl81090 · November 2009

I don't think a HM registry is tacky at all. I'm doing one myself! The only problem i would have with a HM registry is asking for basic things like airfare and room and board. You never want to feel like your guests are paying FOR something... if you just do excursions, spa treatments, fancy dinners, maybe even a bottle of wine at dinner... it feels more like they are GIVING you a specific gift....not just giving you money to blow. I also don't like the HM registries that let money go straight to your account. Guests should be able to bring something to your wedding if they want so they don't feel like they are going empty handed. And keep in mind, some people are weary of giving money online (myself included), so giving checks and cash should be an option.I would suggest honeyfund. (www.honeyfund.com)I have heard great reviews from a couple of people, and i like the fact that guests can print out something that looks like a gift certificate and put it in a card with money to bring to the wedding. You can also break the prices of things down into increments, so that you can have expensive contributions and less expensive contributions for everyone to choose from. We are also doing a couple traditional registries at wal-mart, target, and ikea for our older guests that like to stick to tradition. But for everyone that contributes to the honeymoon fund, we will be sending a special dvd with footage and pictures of us doing the activities that people bought us and special thank-you's for each one. I think it will be a good way for people to feel like their gifts were more personal than just money handed to us.

Leah&Christian09 · November 2009

They are very tacky. It's really just a disguised registry for money. If you want, you can create a small registry or no registry, and when people ask, have your mom/fmil/moh say "Oh, they did a small registry at X, but they're really saving up for a honeymoon." Then people who are so incline will write you a check, there is no deceit and no one takes a cut.

Babygurl81090 · November 2009

i don't see the deceit in wanting a HM registry. I'm sure there are couples that will use it to be decietful, but i'm sure those are the same couples that would ask for a blender and plan to return it for the cash. This isn't the 1940's and not every couple is traditional. Guests want to get the couple gifts that they WANT and will definitely enjoy. Its not about what you think your guests would like to give. I just went to a wedding where the bride and groom really wanted a laptop. So 6 people chipped in 100 dollars each to give them for a laptop... is that tacky? Well, if it was, niether the guests nor the bride and groom thought it was... so it doesn't really matter.And the bride and groom put things on their registry that they did not need or want such as bowls and china to please thier older guests. In the end, they returned things they had no need for or got more than one of. I'd rather give money or contribute to a honeymoon fund where i know it will go to something they will enjoy vs. spending money on something that they probably already have and will end up returned anyway.I guess what i'm trying to get at is... maybe a while ago, something like a honeymoon registy may have been tacky, but in this day and age, alot of couples are doing more non-traditional registries and just because something is non-traditional, that doesn't automatically make it tacky. Just give your guests some options and be HONEST about what thier money is going towards.

Leah&Christian09 · November 2009

The deceit is that the couple doesn't actually get the scuba lesson, or the dinner, or whatever. They get a check, minus the service charge. If you registered for a blender at BB&B, and I found out that after ordering it, you didn't get the blender but instead got a check for the price of the blender, I would feel like you'd lied to me. If you registered for all sorts of stuff with the intention to return it all for cash, I'd feel the same way.It is tacky to deceive your guests. It was tacky in 1940, it is tacky in 2009, and it will still be tacky in 2060. If you want money for your honeymoon, just spread the word. If people want to give you money toward your HM, they know that they can write you a check, and they will. You don't have to lie to them to get them to do it.

Babygurl81090 · November 2009

But the OP never suggested that she wouldn't use the honeymoon registry for anything but the honeymoon. Like i said, as guests, you never know where your gift is going to...whether the money you give is actually going towards the honeymoon...or whether the blender you give, isn't going back to the store.To assume that everyone will use a honeymoon registry just to get money for whatever... is assuming that every couple is dishonest... in which case, i wouldn't buy any gift for any couple.We are having a honeymoon registry for excursions and cruise activities. If for any reason we can't follow through on something that someone had given us the money for, then we will either buy something else on the cruise and dedicate it to that guest on the Thank-you dvd, or we will send them a thank you card that says the money will be going towards a house fund.I have no intention on spending that money "how i please". If i say that this is what your money is going to, that is my intention. And i assume that would be the OP's intention as well.And the guests are smart enough to know that what they give, is what they give. There are no standards for gifts. If they choose to get something that is not on the registry, then that's their choice. But if they want to truly give the couple something that they want, whatever it may be, that's their decision to give it. Either way, the couple should always be honest with their guests about how their gifts are being used.

Bethand Keith · November 2009

I hope you have an amazing wedding Babygurl!! and an even more amazing honeymoon

ellenalabama · November 2009

I agree with to each his own, but TACKY! Why not just do the old fashioned thing and take the $ you get and use that? It's as bad as a bridal shower invite that we got that said (and I'm not joking here) to please give cash since they were going to Europe for their HM and it is very expensive! Then, they asked for $ in lieu of presents on WEDDING RECEPTION card too!

Babygurl81090 · November 2009

I agree ellen. that is tacky, but it was the way they asked, not the registry itself.I wouldn't give anything in that case. There are no standards for gifts. A suggestion or wish list is one thing... telling someone what they can and can't give you is another thing, and i think it is extremely rude

Babygurl81090 · November 2009

Congrats to you too Beth! I hope your wedding is very beautiful and all your planning with be worth it in the end. You just have to iron out all the little details like these.

Honeymoon Registry's tacky?????

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